The Shandon Turkey Trot and Burn 5k, put on by Erin’s GRIT endurance, is now in its 7th year, and the race goes to benefit theShandon Neighborhood Council. The origin of this race actually dates to the 1980s, as the original Shandon Turkey Trot was a 4k/8k event that was held for over 30 years at Hand Middle School. That race was renowned for its cool turkey trophies, which I’m sure still exist among my “Raiders of the Lost Ark warehouse” trophy boxes in my attic. I know, I somehow still have trouble throwing away even generic winged foot medals from who knows which race in 2009. I have a serious problem. Sadly, the race kind of petered out in the late 2010s with declining participation and eventual degeneration from awesome turkey trophies into (GASP) paper certificate age group awards. Shudder to think. Luckily, they contacted Erin to revamp the race in 2019 and registrations have skyrocketed after missing a year for COVID in 2020. Turkey trophies were back as well. A mainstay of the race has been a costume contest, and this race remains perhaps my favorite non-Halloween cosplay event. Every year I drag out my turkey costume, which has grown, if it is even possible, more hideous over the years. I mean there’s the giant turkey gut and even a solid B-cup turkey “breasts”, topped off by the gobbler headpiece, which really makes the whole ensemble. Its original glory is preserved on the main pic of the race site here:

https://runsignup.com/Race/SC/Columbia/ShandonTurkeyTrotBurn5K

This year was going to be interesting, though. Interesting, in that I usually don’t prep for this race with a grueling multi-surface 50 miler in rural Maryland 5 days prior. So yes, legs were just a little wrecked. But I wasn’t going to miss this one. I mean being the unofficial GRIT spokesmodel is one thing but shaming decent runners by getting turkeyed is a unique perverse joy. Secret… despite its hideousness, the skirt-like undercarriage of the costume actually doesn’t slow you down too much. I mean the turkey PR is a solid 19:08, just off the all-time cosplay PR of 19:03 in the green velour of the Lucky Leprechaun. But hell, I wasn’t touching those numbers this year, even without the ultrarunning leg destruction. 

On race day, it was a great day for the costume. Probably the coldest it’s been in recent memory, probably high 40s. The crowd was already incredible. Erin said there were like 1200 people signed up, and I believe it. I even recruited my nephew Landon and 2 of my cousin Jen’s kids (Connor and Izzy) after Thanksgiving dinner, and surprisingly they all showed up too.  I picked up my packet and slog jogged a couple of miles with Silent H, Drew, the Yerg and Wes Sawyer. Drew had a disappointing day at JFK but still logged 28 miles, but said his knee was better since the race. Upon arriving back to my car, and just 15 minutes before the race, I was met with a tragedy of epic proportions. I strapped on the turkey-gut-and-boobs ensemble and went to grab the headpiece. WAIT. WHERE IS THE GOBBLER??? I ransacked the back of my car but realized it must have fallen out of the bag in my 50 shades-esque closet of costume delights. UGGGGGHH. Yeah, it was basically ruined. I mean, the turkey body is ugly but the headpiece beings it over the top. I was pretty devastated and had to apologize to Erin, who may end up firing me. A terrible oversight. 

Nonetheless, I showed up with my ¾ turkey outfit at the start line. While it used to be a trophy hunt, this race was now stacked. There were a bunch of cross-country kids at the start line and Hunter Jarvis was there to smoke every one of them. Yerg was in his Santa costume, and there was no contest that Christmas would beat out Thanksgiving this year. On the ladies’side were masters beasts Ashley Holman and Shannon Godby and a couple of fast looking 20 somethings. 

With the gun, we were off, and I was pretty much being stampeded from the get-go. I had to do my attention whoring wing flapping at the start and probably almost took out a couple of people. Yes, I’m that guy. Sorry. My legs still kind of feel like bricks but I manage to maintain a respectable pace. I see Tracy up ahead taking some pics near the turn onto Heyward and more wing flapping ensues. I’m looking for my nephew Landon but he must be kicking my ass because I can’t see him anywhere. H is up ahead, and I try and pace with him. Mile 1 was a touch under 7 minutes, so not too bad. Cardio feels great but every step I feel a touch of the Appalachian Trail that turned by legs to hamburger on Saturday. Luckily this course is a typical Shandon rectangle and is pretty flat. We make a turn on Ott and then Duncan, and there’s a nice cheering section out there with Jeff Godby and the boy scouts, as well as Drew Soltau. Speaking of Drews, Drew Williams is in a different area code because he is way out of my sight. We finally make a turn on Bonham and head back on Wilmot. It’s a long stretch, but my legs are feeling marginally better. I have to navigate through the crowd a bit butkeep Silent H just a few paces ahead. Mile 2 comes back right at 7 minutes. I figure I can probably make it one mile on fumes, so I decide to ramp up the pace near my non-Turkey 5k effort. I catch up to H and this other guy in a turkey costume. I mean I can’t be SECOND turkey, right? I forget that we don’t go straight home but circle back towards Heyward. Ugh. At least we can see the rest of the pack there and it was good to get some encouragement. More turkey flapping at the Heyward turn for Tracy. I know there’s about half a mile from there, so the blue shoe kick starts getting engaged. At Hand Middle, I can see the finish, so I start really blasting it out. Now, I’m not sure if he passed me or I caught up and he ran faster, but Eric Gilfus and I suddenly get into a hard-core pissing match for the ages at the finish. I am blasting it out, but I’ll be damned, I had nothing left. finished a step ahead of me.  Crossed the finish in 21:17, with a nice 6:30ish last mile. I ‘ll take it. Also, first in age group! Trophy hunt still (somewhat) successful. Age group awards were the awesome turkey trophies, and once gain CRC won the team event. PRETZELS FOR ALL. And I even found by turkey head at home. It was a good day.

In the overall, Hunter Jarvis , as expected, cruised to a 15:32, over a minute clear of the field. Brock Moreaux and Brandt Boggs were 2nd and 3rd . Karolina Iznerowicz was top female, running an impressive 17:51. Ashley Holman crushed a new PR in 19:14 for 2nd and another masters beast Nora Dragovic was 3rd. 

Drew Williams recovered nicely and rocked a sub 19 with an 18:55, first male masters. Wesley Sawyer was only a few steps behind in 18:59. Brad Batchelder was 3rd in 19:10.  In female masters, Marylander non-actress Meg Ryan won 1st , with Shannon Godby 2nd and Amy Hulion 3rd. 

Female age group honor roll: Cooper “HONEYBADGER” Robbins won the 11-14 a day after winning her AG on Thanksgiving day at BGCM. Two races in two days?…Honey badger don’t care. Sara McFall was 1st in the 35-39 despite being a late turkey victim. Kelly Cox was 3rd in the 40-44. Shelley Rivers was 3rd in the 45-49. Running buddies Shenequa Coles and Angie Thames went 1-2 in the 50-54. Renee McCormick was 2nd in the 60-64. Melody Kreiling, Carol Wallace and Beverly Breuer swept a brutally competitive 65-69. 

Male age group honor roll: Michael Visser slayed the sub 18 dragon and smashed a new PR in 17:54 to win the 25-29. Douglas Nover was 3rd. Brett Martin also destroyed his old PR, breaking the 20 minute barrier in style with a 19:22 to take the 40-44. Joyce says it’s all her doing. Jonathan McFall was 2nd in a blazing 19:31. Christmas came early in the 45-49 with Santa Yerg taking first in 19:39. Sean Higgins, Roy Shelley and Frank Seier swept the 55-59. In the 60-64 age group newbies Joey Swearingen and Jimmy Jarvis finished 2nd and 3rd. Triathlon beast Lorand Batten was 2nd in the 65-69. Jerry Rich and Leeds Barroll were 1st and 3rd in the 70-74. Alex Ponomarev and Richard Wright did the same in the 75-79. The ageless Ron Hagell was second in the 80+. 

Special shout out to my family – Landon McDonald, Izzy Martin, Connor Martin, Jen Martin and Jason Martin for joining me out there!

Other notable finishers (this list is definitely not complete but just who I recognized at first glance with over 1026 finishers): Randy Hrechko, Jonathan Kirkwood, Tommy and Cheryl Outlaw, Michael and Amanda Smyrl, Matt Pech, Joey Campbell, Michaela Willoughby, Marty Wentzel, Sophie and Mallie and Ben and Wendy Homeyer, Kana Rahman, Lauren Carpenter, Amy Coward, Karen Vidra-Zug,  Jamie Zug, Dianne Freeman, Patrick McCormick, Lisa Smarr, Heather Srulavich, Margie Shelburg, Bridgette Honor, Ken Lowden, Kelly Dania, Cassidy Carter, Jenny Schneider Jessalyn Smith, Sarah Soltau, Merritt McNelly, Deana Rennick, Pete Poore, Riana Shelley, Jeff Radenbaugh, Amy Hildreth, Rusty Painter, Melinda Waldrop, Michael Beaudet, Missy Caughman, Joanna Holden, Matt and Olivia Buffum. Penny Leitner, Pippa and Penny and Darci Kenagy, Betsy and Lily Theriot and Pamela Griffin. 

The True to the Brew race is one of two events put on by Palmetto Conservation Foundation to help promote the Palmetto trail. It was founded in 2018 and features one of the few point-to-point courses on the Tour. More importantly, it involves the nexus of a few of my favorite things – running, beer, breakfast sandwiches and 80s music. If only I could find a suitable costume to wear for this one, then it would be complete. Hmm.

On top of the race itself, packet pickup is at Craft and Draft with a free beer of your choice by showing your bib. Not a hard arm twist to get me to C&D for free beer on a Friday night during March Madness. I apologize in advance for my sudden highly vocal and unexplained Yale Bulldogs fandom. It was probably the double IPAs talking. Good turnout on Friday with a strong CRC carb loading contingent.

However, I was a little nervous about this race on multiple fronts. One, I had Covid two weeks ago for the first time and it legit kicked my ass. Randy said he had trouble running for a couple of months afterward, so I was scared what effect it might have on me. Two, my fitness is still garbage in comparison to the glory of 2022. A year’s worth of Achilles problems and eating like I’m still doing 40 miles a week may be to blame. Third, this is a 10k, really closer to 6.5 miles. I haven’t raced anything longer than a 5k in months.  Lastly, the weather looked terrible and who knew what slop I might encounter. I packed my car like I was going away on a weekend camping trip with multiple layers, towels, etc.  Fortunately, this is a trail race in name only. The path is completely flat and straight, with only a very brief underpass section providing any incline. I actually wore my old vapors instead of trail shoes.

On race morning, it appeared the race gods had smiled upon us, in that the projected rain was completely out of the picture. A little on the warmish side, but all in all not too bad. There was a potential disaster though, as the portapotties for the race did not show up. Fortunately, Wilson’s grocery let us all destroy their toilets, and GRIT first husband Joe Roof was buying TP like it was March 2020, so that helped. I got there early enough to avoid the lines anyway and said a little colonic prayer the poopsies would not return. 

I did a couple of solo slog jog miles and generally felt like I usually do, as in why do I do this to myself every week. I had no clear plan, just try to run comfortably hard and see what happens. The race was sold out again so there was a big crowd on hand. A good CRC group, though there were three otherpotential trophy hunts in play that Saturday. Lots of F3/FiA and some trail/ultra types. Dr. Kushinka and Jen Davis were the obvious choices for the win, though I figured I might be able to place in masters. A few fit graybeards were at the start, making me a little nervous. We would see.

With the start, I did my awkward don’t eff up your Achilles lurch forward and still managed to feel a twinge. Awesome. I felt like I was getting smoked by half the field off the bat, so I had to swallow my pride and wait until my heel decided to calm down. Luckily everything smoothed out in the first half mile and I was able to take back a couple of spots. I could see Kushinka was already trashing the field with maybe one follower. Jen was up ahead with maybe 4-5 dudes in her vicinity. I went through mile 1 in 6:47 which felt like a good sustainable pace. We went over a couple of bridges that were definitely a little dicey with all the recent rain, and possibly due to my completely tractionless road racers I decided to wear. Nice choice, dude. I decided to mitigate a potential disaster by engaging my inner Joyce Welch and taking tiny steps on all the wooden bridges. A sasquatch taking ballet steps surely wasn’t pretty but it got the job done. Mile 2 came back around the same in 6:54 and I now had my sights on a shirtless gray-haired dude. Surely masters because of the gray and definitely in better shape if he was going sans shirt. But I’m an expert in modifying Selwyn’s famous phrase to “FAT AND FAST”.  I may have a shirted dad bod ready to chafe at a moment’s notice, but I was ready to kick some superfit middle aged ass. And hey, I was shocked at how good I was feeling. No apparent post-COVID problems, and I felt strong. I made a surge and passed the silver fox, who even gave me a “good job”.  LET’S GO. Or not. I was just going to hold on to this pace as long as I can. Way too afraid to start kicking it in. There’s still a pic of me online from the 2010 Dam Run doing a full “surrender cobra” after bonking out a 10k by going too hard, too early. Never again. 

Mile 3 in another 6:47 and I was cruising. Hope Station Rd (the first paved road crossing) is a good landmark in this race, and signals roughly the halfway mark. My tennis buddy Jay Cleary was out supporting his wife Pillaur and graciously indulged my camera mugging at this 5k point. 

The rest of the race I was essentially solo. I could see Jen and one other dude in the distance on the straightaways, but no way I was catching them. Miles came through in almost perfect high 6:40 splits. The underpass section at just over 5 miles gave me a little punch in the lungs, but you can almost feel the finish by then. I tried to muster a bit of a kick near the finish but by then I was pretty much toast. Did manage a 6:24 kicker on the bridge and crossed in 43:22 / 6:49 pace. Garmin distance was 6.37, so a little long as always. Fifth overall, fourth male, and most importantly, first masters! Very happy with the result.

Finish line was awesome as usual with breakfast sandwiches and Craft and Draft beer, along with a 360-degree photo booth experience (Picture This 360 photos) that enabled me to bask in my attention whoredom.  Camelbak was a surprise sponsor this year and gave out hydration packs to the first overall and masters winners, along with a palmetto trail mug. Awesome!

Overall: Marc Kushinka cruised to the overall win in 36:47, about 4 minutes clear of the field. Kyle Logue and Benjamin Laprise were 2nd and 3rd. Jen Davis was top female and third across the line, eight minutes faster than her nearest competitor. Darby Samargo and Jessica Weems were 2nd and 3rd.  In masters, Marian Nanney, Melody Kreiling and Heather Hugg took the female podium. Male masters was topped by an albino sasquatch, James Lefever and Craig Wiltshire.

Age group honor roll (female): Shannon Livezey captured 1^st female 25-29. Meredith Frye was 1^st in the 30-34. Olesya Gelfond and Marjorie Cleary were 1-2 in the 35-39.Fiona Martin was 3rd in the 40-44. Kristin Wallace and Brie McGrievy went 1-2 in the 45-49. Pillaure Cleary and Sara Wilcox were top 2 in the 50-54. Bertha Woehl was 2nd in the 55-59. Colleen Towery won the 60-64. Margie Shelburg was 3rd in the 65-69. 

Age group honor roll (men): Hudson white won the 30-34. Jimi Adams was a close 4th in the 45-49. Frank Seier and Joe Roof were 2nd and 4th in the 55-59. Harry Strick was 4th in the 65-69. Charlie Palmieri and Ed McCall went 1-2 in the 75+.

Other notable finishers: James Reap, Ken Walker, Jeff Curran, Mary Kate Korpita, Kana Rahman, Korinne Collins, Lisa Powell, Michael Beaudet, Teresa Shelton, Missy Caughman, Teresa Harrington, Gretchen Lambert, Deanna Rennick. Nicki Charlton, Zach Charlton, Pam Griffin, Bridgette Honor, Maria Pray, Kara Blaisure, Margie Shelburg and Pete Poore.

https://runsignup.com/Race/Results/53330#resultSetId-444396;perpage:10

So anyone following my racing (because I know there are legions of you), knows that 2023 has been an unmitigated dumpster fire for me, pretty much from the get go. A tweaked achilles in January led to me trying to run through it, which of course led to it getting worse. The coup de grace was fittingly a fun run in my neighborhood, which I ran like it was an Olympic final, and left my heel just wrecked. I took 6 weeks off and the pain came right back.

Finally I was encouraged/shamed to go to physical therapy by Joyce and Mara. Who needs PT when your legs are Hulk like due to carrying around a dad bod doing 19 minute 5ks for a decade? Apparently I did. Eight weeks later I did all my exercises, got my butt kicked at Vertex by Dr. Chhoun and came out on the other side. The Achilles, while not back to absolutely 100 percent, is close enough. The comeback has been pretty brutal but I’ve been able to dip below 20 a couple of times since.

But the most crucial victory from PT Is enabling me to get back to the serious business of running in ridiculous costumes. The absolute pinnacle of this race cosplay is of course the Shandon Turkey Trot and Burn. All my other costumes are pretty easy to run in, but this outfit, “GOBBLES THE TURKEY” from Party City, is an absolute monstrosity. Constricting turkey head hat, giant wings and trailing tail, and above all a turkey gut like someone’s beer swilling alcoholic uncle. Just hideous. But also, insane-looking enough to maximize my apparent insatiable need for attention. Always have to be the main character.

I got to the race even earlier than my standard hour, and sans suit, because 1) Driving in this thing would probably lead to getting pulled over for presumed intoxication/psychosis and 2) Portapotty pooping would be a logistical nightmare. After packet pickup and detonation of the facilities, I did a warm up with the Yerg. He dresses as my holiday counterpart Santa Claus, if Santa went beardless and had gastric bypass surgery. I’m sure the visual was interesting, and perhaps prophetic.

I get to the start and this event has obviously gotten insanely popular. Erin says there’s over 700 registered. Pretty impressive for a race on its deathbed a few years ago. Lots of fast people out there. I figure Kushinka will take it but there’s a couple of speedy kids and the Allerses brought their friend from Fort Mill (Josh Odell) who tore up the Mt Moriah course. The ladies’ field had Christa and Ashley, as well as grandmasters machine Shannon Godby. Jessa sadly did not want to risk getting a repeat turkey beatdown. 

The course is pretty much an out and back Shandon rectangle with some rolling hills. Fairly flat. I ran 19:09 last year in the suit but would be happy to get low 20s this year with my epically disastrous 2023. With the gun, everyone takes off and blasts down the opening stretch of Woodrow. I’ve been doing less races and mostly slow mileage slog jogs, so this pace feels brutal. Regan, Yerg and Brandenburg are just killing it, and even Kirkwood is leaving me in the dust. I can feel the turkey hat constricting around my neck and my heels kicking the tail and wonder why the hell I do this to myself. But with the turn on Heyward, I start to get my wind back. Roy Shelley and I run the second half mile in a CRC past/present presidential tandem. First mile was in 6:33, a shade over 20 minute pace (6:26).

At some point, I catch up to Sarah Allers who tells me to go chase her husband, but he has a pretty substantial lead. Yerg and Shannon are pretty far ahead too. I basically maintain pace in mile 2 as we hit the turnaround on Bonham near the old Dry Run 5k course and come back on Wilmot. At some point I feel like I actually have some gas in the tank and start slowly pushing the pedal down, and manage to catch up to Eric, who offers some “words of encouragement” that may be unprintable. Mile 2 in an identical 6:33. With the turn back onto Heyward, I can see Shannon and Rob up ahead. I thought they were uncatchable, but now I feel like they’re slowly getting reeled back in. Some fit looking unknown masters dude, which I thought I passed, is keeping up with me, perhaps not taking too kindly to being upstaged by a dad bod in a turkey suit. I start launching into the Blue shoe kick as we approach Woodrow again, gliding by Shannon and pulling up alongside emaciated Santa, aka the YERG. Yerg is definitely getting back into shape, and he surges forward when he sees the brown gut enter his peripheral vision. The Woodrow straightaway is super flat but also painfully long. I can see the finish and I’m afraid I pushed in the chips too early because I’m sucking wind like there’s no tomorrow. Yerg and I are blasting side by side in the home stretch, making for an absolutely absurd scene. We hit a pack of spectators near Hand Middle, screaming at me “HEY, THANKSGIVING COMES BEFORE CHRISTMAS!!!” With that, I take a few more steps into the pain cave and pass Santa Yerg. Fit masters dude apparently slipped in front while we were distracted and had another gear to avoid getting double costumed. I can make out the 19s on the clock as we pass Blossom street and give it one last blast, crossing the line in 19:50ish.  A far cry from last year, but I’ll still take a sub 20 any day of the week.   Good enough for 1^st in AG, as the masters dudes were too strong this year. I was consoled with my golden turkey trophy, second place in the costume contest (behind Clara Nance’s epic cloth turkey) and a free post-race beer at Backstreets. Not too shabby.

In the overall, David Olds from Massachusetts edged Dr. Kuskinka for 1^st place with Josh Odell taking third, all well under 17 minutes. Among the ladies, Christa took 1^st in 19:35, with Ashley 2^nd and Eli Roth 3^rd. Masters female winners were Shannon Godby, Devanise Vitti and Sarah Allers, who broke 21 minutes and scored a 91.5% world class age grade! Male masters saw Jeff Brandenburg take 2^ndbetween two out-of -staters Wesley Gurley and Stephen Harvey (aka not THAT Steve Harvey, and aka fit masters dude from above).

Age Group honor roll (WOMEN):  Dorothy Hutchins and Lilly Holman took top 2 in the 11-14. Lauren Holliday won the 20-24 while Veronica Watson took the 30-34. Kara Stevens won the 35-39

Age group honor roll (MEN): James Holliday took the 15-19, Regan Freeman was tops in the 25-29. Yerg was 2^nd in the 45-49 with Michael Beets 3^rd. Eric Aller and Kirkwood were 1-2 in the 50-54. Roy Shelley, Frank Seier and Winston Holliday swept the 55-59. Dave Hale pushed the run to 2^nd in the 60-64. Pete O’Boyle and Tommy Outlaw were top 2 in the 65-69. George Cassidy, Jerry Rich, and Alex Ponomarev swept the 70-74 podium while Ron Hagell, Richard Wright and Ken Lowden did the same in the 75-79. CRC legend Jesse Smarr won 2^ndin the 80+ at age 86! Kristin Wallace was 2^nd in the 25-29 with Shelby Taylor 3^rd. Tracy Tisdale was champ of the 50-54. Barb Brandenburg and Kimberly Holliday took the top 2 in the 55-59 while Melody Kreiling and Lisa Powell did the same in the 60-64. Carol Wallace, Beverly Breur and Mary Cassidy swept a super competitive 65-69. Lynn Grimes and Sharon Sherbourne were 1-2 in the 70-74.

Other notable finishers: Antjuan Seawright, Joey Swearingen, Eric Gilfus, John Holliday, Emmet Maas, Thomas Outlaw, Sophia Homeyer, Michael Beaudet, Missy Caughman, Clara Beaudet, Jennifer Glass, Patrick Hall, Scarlett and Sara Hutchins, Stevie Dee Dukes, Gretchen Lambert, Jessalyn Smith, Louis Krause, Teresa Harrington, Cheryl Outlaw, Nicole Charlton, Rusty Painter, Melinda Waldrop, Teresa Shelton, Traci Brock , Wendy Homeyer, Pam Griffin, Pete Pore, Deanna Rennick, Gabby Swearingen, Kelly Hynes, Tee Coker, Maria Pray, Bertha Woehl, Shiela Bolin, Heather Hawn, Kerry Stubbs, Margie Shelburg, Lisa Smarr and Paul Laymon.

https://runsignup.com/Race/Results/81020#resultSetId-426728;perpage:100

So the best thing you can do after your first race in 4 months is lace it up the next week, right? Sounds like a standard dumb Blue Shoes idea. But my first dip back in the racing pool went better than expected, so why not? I’m not going to lie, Justin Pepper was tough and the Achilles was definitely sore that afternoon.  I gave it a rest from my usual long run with H that Sunday and went golfing instead. In a shocking bit of restraint, I actually did not try to double dip with the Labor Day 5k, even though I came down with a severe case of FOMO Monday night. I was able to run pain free the week following and even managed to do my physical therapy homework. Sadly I missed an exercise in my routine for the past week or so and had to admit my shame to my therapist. Damn those soleus slant board raises. Anyway, I survived another severe case of FOMO at Tunnel to Towers in order to “save up my energy” for the Springdale 5k. Pre Achilles Alex would be so ashamed. But Pre Achilles Alex probably would have about 500 miles more on the road this year. So this is my new normal.

But I wasn’t going to miss Springdale, since it’s one of Erin’s GRIT races and I had to fulfill my duty as unofficial “elite” spokesmodel. Even heavier air quotes now. The race is in Camden, which scares some people away, though from my house it’s only a 25-minute drive. Plus, waffles and trophies await the victors, so maybe I could get lucky and win something. Even age group glory is questionable with my current fitness, but at least the machine is being rebuilt.

I showed up super early again to do my prolonged Achilles work. This did buy me a primo spot of christening the legendary portable bathrooms at Springdale, which feature a working sink and flushing capacity. Believe me, the unspeakable things that happen to me on race morning are worth a courtesy flush.

I did a mile or two with Lady Godby, who is having the polar opposite of a year that I’m having. Killing it with a 3^rd masters state ranking. Her main competition was Jen Davis, though she doubled up at T2T and that is definitely a tough turnaround.  Hers was probably minus the 3 IPAs that were part of my standard T2T-Springdale double dip. The guys’ field appears to have some kids lurking around who are complete wildcards. The field will always get more elite once the Blue Shoes tops the podium. 

At the start there is a huge CRC turnout. Melody Kreiling went ballistic on social media and drummed up a big group in an attempt at bringing home the coveted team award. I think we had 42. Insane. 

With the start, I actually took a few steps back from the line and did my awkward Riverdance impression as not to stress out the healing tendon. This course is an easy one to strategize. It’s essentially a mile and a half down and a mile and a half up. You can blaze the first mile, but I assure you that if you go too hard you will pay for it. I did that in 2016 when my fitness was also suspect, and I died a million deaths on mile 3. Downhills are low stress on my injury, so I focused on controlled freefall on the way down. Shannon and Jen and a whole pack of kids were killing it. Some elitish looking dude was trashing the field from the get-go. Clay Ham was riding alongside for a while and then may have been drafting in my considerable wake.

I hit mile 1 in 6:40 and change. About where I wanted. The bottom of the hill is flattish for a while, so I focused on smooth strides and preparing for the rough part. I am getting destroyed by about 20 people at this point but at least I feel OK. Finally the turnaround happens and this is where $%^# gets real. Incline starts immediately. The Achilles feels ok once it gets warmed up, so here we go. There is never a steep hill, just a persistent incline. I try and ramp up the effort a bit and I still have a little blue shoe mojo from the spring. Mile 2 is 6:58 so was definitely was laying off the gas prepping for the last one. I manage to start slowly picking off a few kids, then a fit looking dude who caught a case of the walksies. He was not too fond of a late 40s Sasquatch passing him, but he’s pretty much toast at this point. I finally get to Sarah Hannon, who I recall from Strava always runs this race. Yes, no one is immune from Blue Shoe cyber stalkage. There’s then a big patch and I see Dr. Godfrey , a fellow USC school of medicine alum and colleague from Toumey medical center, and most importantly PROBABLY IN MY AGE GROUP. And he’s riding the struggle bus as some kid is passing him. I motor forth with probably a non Achilles friendly Blue shoe kick specifically to take him down. Apparently both the good doctor and the kid are riding the struggle bus, as I edge past them and into an open stretch. I can see Whitney Keen, Jen and Shannon just up ahead, and I’m making some progress. Unfortunately, the food baby I gestated over the summer is slowing me down and I’m also running out of real estate on the course. After a number of faux finish turns, I see the mini driveway library that signals the end. I’m going full fatboy blast at this point but Whitney, Jen or Shannon is not going to get caught today. I crossed in 21:09. Five seconds slower than last week but JP was a short course by strava, and this one is legit certified 3.1, so actually faster pace. Managed second masters, so I got a sweet new golden horse trophy to add to my horseshoe collection. What’s best — CRC WON THE TEAM EVENT WITH 42 entries! Way to show out on the Tour de Columbia, and thanks to Melody for helping organize.

Overall: Shannon got the overall female win in 20:43 , followed by Jen Davis and Sarah Hannon. Taylor Hannon crushed everyone in 17:44 for the win, with Braden Crawford and Jacob Reed rounding out the podium. Whitney captured first male masters while Dr. Godfrey took 3^rd. Naomi Rabon and Melody Kreiling took top2 female masters while Stephanie Broersma from Washington was third.

Age group honor roll: 

MEN: Brian Kryzanowski won the 30-34. Michael Jensen and Drew Dickerson went 1-2 in the 50-54. Roy Shelley and Joey Swearingen were tops in the 55-59. Clay Ham, Phil Smith and Dave Hale were a CRC sweep in the 60-64. George Cassidy, Jerry Rich and Pete Poore were also an all-CRC podium in the 70-74. Ron Hagell was champ of the 75+. 

WOMEN:  Julia Ghering squeaked out a 10 minute win in the 25-29. Karen Kryzanowski was 2^nd in the 35-39. Stevie Dee Dukes captured 3^rd in the 45-49 with Deanna Rennick 4^th. Clara Beeaudet and Caroline Keen went 1-2 in the 50-54 with Gretchen Lambert 4^th. Lisa Smarr was 2^nd in the 60-64. Beverly Bruer and Betty Floyd went 1-2 in the 65-69 , with Mary Cassidy 4^th . Lynn Grimes was champ of the 70-74. 

Springdale 5K Results (runsignup.com)

The True to the Brew 10k was founded in 2018, the brainchild of Erin Roof’s GRIT endurance LLC and the Palmetto Conservation Foundation to help support the Palmetto Trail. Erin originally sold it to me as a 10k trail race with beer and food at the end. Like Renee Zellweger in Jerry Macguire, “you had me at beer and food”. Plus, I generally like trail running, even occasionally joining the Harbison Trail Runners from time to time for their various excursions to ridiculously hard races in the mountains. Though this race is technically a trail, it was made from a railroad bed. This being the case, it’s essentially a road race through the forest. It’s completely flat and the terrain is pretty soft, save for some leftover gravel from the railroad. The finish is cool with a crossing of the Broad River via the old Peak trestle bridge. As noted, beer , food and music at the afterparty await. What’s not to like?

One thing I have not liked is my body hating me this year. I’ve been struggling with an Achilles issue, which, surprisingly, is not positively responding to continued running/racing and twice weekly tennis. Imagine that. Seriously, I have tried to lay off it and do things like the elliptical and cycling. I did about 2 weeks of getting up at 5:30 to go to Muv fitness, riding a machine to nowhere for an hour, all while listening to the worst radio songs of the past 30 years and George Lopez show reruns from 2006. I reached a breaking point with Wilson Phillips’ “Hold On” and a closed captioned 1999 Family Matters episode. My grip on sanity was slipping. So I eased back into running. Fitness has been trash. But I was already committed to True to the Brew, so I guess this was time to dip back into the racing pool.

I will say the transport of this point-to-point race is much better now with a huge high school bus instead of the 15 passenger vans. I’m a control freak though, so I like to do the two-car strategy. Luckily, I got Yerg and Melinda to help coordinate the Blue Shoes transport. We got to the race site over an hour early and there were already quite a few people there. I knew the race sold out at 300 so there would be a decent crowd. I made use of the portapotties multiple times to avoid a potential repeat of my ill-fated “TRUE TO THE POO” incident of 2019. If you think mid-race bathroom stops are unpleasant, try balancing on a bridge support and using a creek and leaves to wash up. 0/10 do not recommend.

I did a couple of miles warmup with the puppet master Joyce Welch and Dr. Julia Ghering. Weather was pretty warm, which is nice for the afterparty but not great for racing. Plus, the skies were looking ominous. Oh yeah, and my foot felt like trash even though I had been pain- free for the past few days. Nice. With fellow age groupers Steve “Muscledup runner” Greer and Duane Kimball on board, perhaps the only award I’d be tasting was a cold IPA. I decided to give the race a solid effort but nothing crazy. Going out too hard in a 10k, especially with questionable fitness, would be pure torture.

After the obligatory start line selfie and trash talking Mark Kushinka (who I was sure would win) we were off. Not much to describe about this course. It’s flat. It’s straight. The foot felt OK at the faster speed, but it was a little soul crushing to watch Greer, Duane and Jen Davis leave me for dead. I’LL BE BACK. Hopefully. Skies opened up in the first mile and I was thinking this could be soggy misery the rest of the way. Luckily the rain backed off after a few minutes. I hit the first couple of miles right around 6:55 and I wasn’t too cashed, so I figured I’d just hold on to that. The field had completely thinned out. I could only see the number 2 female and some other dude who looked like Matt McGrievy. McGrievy has been having much worse Achilles nightmares of his own, so I knew it wasn’t him. I was pretty much on my own though. Couldn’t hear anyone behind me either, so it felt like I was out for a run by myself. Except I was most certainly not doing standard Blue Shoes slog jog pace. At some point I must’ve drifted off into the dark world of my internal self, because I hit mile 4 in over seven-minute pace. I contributed an F bomb into the silent forest, and the sky paid me back with 1984 Eurythmics HERE COMES THE RAIN AGAIN. More F bombs. I recovered some to get back to the 6:50s for mile 5 but apparently my elliptical jockeying was not a perfect substitute for racing and I’m starting to hurt a bit cardio wise, even if it is less than my half marathon pace. I try to throw down a good last mile, but there’s one twist to the course under an overpass with a steep incline on the other side. No way was I going to trash my Achilles surging up this little hill. I did an incredibly awkward half jog-power walk up that bit before struggling to get my 18-wheeler physique up to speed again. And number 2 female was really hauling now, and though I thought I could catch Faux McGrievy, it looked like he might be gapping me too. By the time I hit the bridge, I went into cruise mode and decided to be happy with finishing and having an intact tendon in my foot. Crossed in 44:06, surprised to pull off 10^th overall, 2^nd masters (since Greer finished 2^nd OA). It’s 3.5 minutes slower than last year, but I’m just glad to be outside and avoiding the early morning vortex of misery at muv. Craft and Draft had a beer truck with free Palmetto trail IPA and Bad Water band had a set list straight out of my college CD tower. Awesome.

In the overall, Dr. Kushinka took the win in 38:29, with Greer second in a sub 40 time, and Kyle Logue third.  In the women’s race, Jen Davis won in 41:58 with Marcie Jorgensen taking down the Blue Shoes for 2^nd. Katie Hirsch was third.  Duane Kimball captured male masters , while female masters came down to Kathy Voige nipping Heather Hugg by 2 seconds to take the win.

Female age groupers: Ryan Welch was champ of the 11-14. Hannah Williams was 2^nd in the 15-19. Julia Ghering took 2^nd in the 25-29, just 3 seconds behind winner Shannon Livezey. Kelsey Cameron was 3^rd in the 30-34. Julie McKinnon was champ of the 45-49. Joyce Welch won the 50-54 with Dana Kaminer 3^rd. Kelly Denias was 3^rd in the 55-59. Lisa Powell was champ of the 60-64. 

Male age groupers: Liam Patangan won the 14 and under with Eliot Oates 3^rd. David Giovannini took the 35-39 with Thomas Crowley third. Adding to my shame, Faux McGrievy is listed as “anonymous participant”. One can never underestimate the security risks posed by running a 43-minute 10k. YERG finished 3^rd in the 45-49, apparently with the exact same time as 2^ndplace Sam Cullum. Should’ve leaned at the tape, Rob. Tab Blakely won the 50-54. Fifty-stater and fellow CRC president emeritus Rick Gibbons was 3^rd in the 60-64. Harry Strick was 2^nd in the 65-69. Leeds Barroll and Pete Poore were 2-3 in the 70-74, while Ron Hagell won the 75+. 

Other notable finishers: Thomas Outlaw,  Actual Matt McGrievy, Brie McGrievy, Marian Nanney, Stevie Dee Dukes, Kana Rahman, Gretchen Lambert, Teresa Harrington, Michael and Clara Beaudet, Teresa Shelton, Deanna Rennick, Melinda Waldrop, Maria Pray, Missy Caughman and Dianne Steadman. 

The Lucky Leprechaun 5k has been the lead off to the start of the Irish Fest in Camden since 2018, when it was founded to honor the birthday of a local elite Irish-American athlete, Alex “Blue Shoes” McDonald. JAt least that’s my memory of it – it may have been a coincidence. Either way, I got to indulge in my cosplay fixation with my favorite character yet, the leprechaun. Leprechauns are known for their diminutive size and general cuteness, though I am certainly lacking in both these departments. The inaugural run of the leprechaun went off without a hitch, except maybe for the unexpected transparency of green velour. Erin Roof encouraged a crowd of unwitting Camdenites to sing Happy Birthday to me, probably wondering a) who the hell this guy is and b) why is he such a insufferable egomaniac and attention whore. Questions I struggle with myself. But it was fun and I didn’t miss a race since.

 Until… one of my college friends got married on March 5, 2022. The nerve of him planning a wedding on Leprechaun weekend! Oh well, I promised Erin I’d be back. Though this year I briefly flirted again with the idea of running Myrtle Beach for the first time. My long run team of Silent H and Joyce were doing it, so there was definitely FOMO and peer pressure involved. Luckily my Achilles decided to weigh in on that decision and become a nagging nightmare for most of February. Blasting out the Buffalo 5k, Long Run 15k and the Dam to Dam relay didn’t help. But no way would I be able to muster a marathon with this injury. I was already committed to the Leprechaun so I figured I could at least slog jog it out if I had to.

So, I showed up to Camden on Saturday with no real plan, other than to try and keep all my tendons intact. I did a warm up with Kara, Clay and Thomas Crowley and realized it was ridiculously hot this year, especially in a thick green topcoat and hat. I really, seriously, toyed with running this thing at my daily run 9-minute pace. But who am I kidding? If I’m wearing a bib there’s going to be some effort involved. And I was already wearing my Vapors , if even for their leprechaun-ish aesthetic.

Pretty big field for this one, which was surprising, given the competition with 3 other tour races and the MB half/full marathon. Erin said there were 400+ registered. Sarah and Eric Allers came down from Fort Mill, and CRC regulars Regan Freeman, Steve Greer, Julia Ghering, Patrick Hall , Melody Kreiling, Ron Hagell, Pete Poore, Drew Dickerson, Shannon Godby,  Phil Smith and Coach B were on hand. Erin’s son Parker, who was epically blue shoed in 2021, was back for revenge.

The course is a simple rectangle in Camden. Fairly flat, but a long gradual uphill on the 1.5 miles out and the opposite on the way back. Mile 3, if you have anything left, is blazing fast.

With the start, I take off awkwardly on my right leg and ease into a brisk pace. Everything feels OK at the start, though I can definitely feel that tightness in the left Achilles when we start the turn uphill. I’m lingering back in the crowd and it hurts my pride not to give Regan and Steve a good showdown, especially because they are leading. Oh well, just don’t rip anything. I manage to slowly increase the pace in mile 1 and hit it in 6:44, about 30-40 seconds off my non-costumed, uninjured self. After mile 1 I ramp it up some more and there’s this kid who is hanging on to my shoulder, resisting the pass. Little does he know, a few of my favorite things are buffalo wings, Asheville breweries and crushing the souls of high school cross country kids.

We hit the turnaround and start the plummet down towards the finish. Kid is still hanging on for dear life, but he has underestimated the power of my ego, my training, and potential energy of a 190 pound boulder rolling downhill. Mile 2 is slightly quicker in 6:33. By this time the Achilles has loosened up and I’m hopped up on adrenaline anyway, so out comes the real 5k pace. Kid finally gets dropped and I’m running all alone. Greer and Regan are in another zip code but I’ll at least throw down a decent finish to maybe grab some masters or age group glory. As noted, Mile 3 is pretty much all downhill. Last split hits at 6:08 and I’m pretty gassed. One more surge, a very poor attempt at a pic pose on the last turn, and a brief headless chicken only to see the clock flip over to 20. Finished in 20:05 gun/20:03 chip. Good enough for 6^th overall, 2^nd masters behind Muscledup.  A far cry from the 19:03 of 2021, but considering the circumstances, I’ll take it.

There was green beer and nice pint glasses and growlers for awards. Ron Hagell paid a nice tribute to our late Patti Lowden and uncovered the new GRIT “Podium Patti” podium. It was definitely a good day for a good day.

 Overall winners:  Regan Freeman took first, edging out masters beast Steve “Muscledup runner” Greer in a blazing sub 19 showdown. Parker Roof redeemed himself for third. Really proud of my other Sunday long run partner Shannon Godby, taking the win in a comeback during a tough last few months. Kara Stevens continues to get faster and faster, clocking a 20:50 for another PR and 2^nd place. The ageless Sarah Allers took 3^rd.  Masters winners were Muscledup, some oversized leprechaun and Coach B among the men, as well as Melody Kreiling, Angela Brewbaker and Kristin Wallace among the women.

Female age groupers: Dr. Julia Ghering won the 25-29. Clara Beaudet took the 50-54. Bertha Woehl won the 55-59. Mary Cassidy was champ of the 65-69 with a PR!

Male age groupers: Thomas Crowley won the 35-39, with Thomas Outlaw 2^nd. Patrick Hall took 3^rd in the 45-49. Eric Allers was champ of the 50-54, with newly 50-year-old Drew Dickerson taking third. Camden XC coach Mark Chickering took the 55-59. Clay Ham and Phil Smith were 1^st and 3^rd in the 60-64. George Cassidy and Pete Poore went 1-2 in the 70-74. Rich Wright and Ron Hagell were 1-2 in the 75+.

Notable finishers: April Joyner, Deanna Rennick, Maria Pray, Michael Beaudet, Craig Campbell, Jennifer and Jason Norris, and Kara Clyburn.

The Shandon Turkey Trot is one of the oldest road races in the state. I’m not sure of the exact start , but the 2009 results say it was the 32nd annual race, so probably over 40 years. While it used to be a huge event, the numbers started dropping off in the past decade with all the Thanksgiving competition. Luckily the Shandon neighborhood council sought out the help of Erin Roof and GRIT in 2019, who rebranded the race, changed the date to Black Friday and converted a double loop 8k course into a flat and fast 5k. The result has been a revival of the race, with over 500 registrants this year.

And one of them is THE TURKEY. I mean, if there’s a costume contest, I’m in. And while some people are content on accepting the limitations of a ridiculous bulky outfit, I assure you I am not. I mean, this is CRC points crunch time. But of all the Blue Shoe costumes, this is definitely the most challenging. Giant plush belly, huge wings and a big floppy tail. Not exactly aerodynamic. Add a turkey face hood with a gobbler and the thing is just hideous. The only good thing is one giant hole for your legs, so you can pull it up like a skirt when you run. So sexy.

And of course the only thing better than a standard blue shoeing is a blue shoeing in an absurd giant turkey costume. And while I cherish the avian beatdown I gave Regan last year, my favorite was an all out sprint on Woodrow street in 2019 to take down some then-unknown elite looking female. She turned out to be Jessa Wigington. Yeah, we’ll get back to that.

Fast forward to this year, and I am feeling pretty beat. Double dip on Saturday, an IPA-fueled Sleigh Bell 4 miler on Monday, and an all-out effort on Thanksgiving trying to scrounge some points against high schoolers. But at least I was primed for speed. I mean weekdays are usually for my slog jogs. I showed up an hour early and it’s kinda gross out. There had been some rain and it felt like 60s and humid. I didn’t even warm up in the suit, fearing it would get wet, and did a mile or so with H, Shannon and a surprise appearance from Code Brown (though he wasn’t racing).

Nice crowd on hand for this one at the start. A ton of CRCers. Thankfully the rain held off. I had no real plan on this one but to give it as much effort as I had left. With the gun, I try to go hard but my legs are pretty wrecked. I’m still feeling all the pain from yesterday’s mini cross country meet, and somehow I forgot to tack my tail up to my back, so I’m hitting it with my feet at every step. Brendan Holman has decided to latch on to my right wing, and I know he’s looking to give me that elusive first beat down. I push it a bit on the turn on Heyward to find some open running room. I “fly” to a 6:08 first mile, though I actually had no idea of my pace at the time thanks to my wings covering my watch. Mile 2 has the only real hills on the course, just the standard Shandon bumps up near Bonham street. I’ve managed to catch up to Parker Roof, and he is clearly not happy about it. He starts blocking and weaving, desperately fighting off the shame. But shaming our younger generations is what I live for. I get on his right shoulder, then quickly drop back behind him and haul tail up on the left side like Marshawn Lloyd. YES. There’s a long stretch on Wilmot and I can see a woman and a younger tatted dude just ahead. I hear the mile 2 beep (6:22) and start engaging whatever is left for a Blue Shoe kick.  I pass the woman and pull up alongside tat guy. As it turns out he isn’t too fond of getting turkeyed either, asking me my usual 5k time. I ramp it up a bit to drop him and turn back on to Heyward. Way up ahead is Jessa. Well at least she isn’t getting turkeyed this time. …OR IS SHE? Halfway down Heyward and I’ve been totally focused on holding off the two behind me. All of a sudden I wake up and realize the Jessa gap has shrunk considerably. Probably still too far ahead but I have to go hard anyway because I can occasionally still hear noises behind me. Finally we hit Woodrow street. Way off in the distance you can see the finish, but it’s probably about a third of a mile or more. But with the finish arch as my carrot on a string, I go all in. And hold the phone, Jessa is starting to fade. With blood in the water, I go full headless turkey, feeling the velcro coming loose on my back and plush belly bouncing up and down like a poorly supported gut bra. I blast ahead and manage to pass Jessa with less than 2 blocks to go. I crash through the finish in 19:10, first masters and a costume PR! To Mrs. Wigington, I am so sorry. I can’t help it – I have a problem. On the other hand, Tracy was able to catch the whole thing on video, for which I am eternally grateful. 

In the overall, David Olds took the win over Dr. Mark Kushinka, with Durham’s Brandt Boggs third. Mrs. Wigington took solace in the turkey incident by claiming first among the women, followed closely by Lugoff-elgin xc coach Sierra Oliphant and Ashley Holman. The turkey took first masters with Brendan Holman and Ed Aufuldish right on my tail feather. Durham’s Devanise Vitti took first female masters, with Shannon Godby 2nd. Birgit Spann, visiting from Germany, took 3rd. Her 83 percent age grade was tops in the entire field!

Female age groupers: Evelyn Holman won the 10 and under in a blazing 23:55. Sister Lily took 2nd in the 11-14 in 23:43. Julia Ghering was 2nd in the 25-29, completing her 4th race in 6 days. Kara Stevens edged Lindsey Hendren for tops in the 30-34, just over 21 minutes. Ronda Sanders was 3rd in the 40-44, while Stevie Dee did the same in the 45-49. Heather Hawn was 2nd in the 50-54. Berha Woehl was 2nd in the 55-59. Melody Kreiling , racing in her 45th race of the year, won the 60-64, with Teresa Harrington 2nd. Carol Wallace blazed a 25 minute 5k, 2nd overall age graded time, to take the 65-69, with longtime CRCers Sue Porter and Cheryl Outlaw 2nd and 3rd. Lynn Grimes took 1st in the 70-74 with Brigitte Smith 2nd.

Male age groupers: Parker Roof finished 2nd in the 20-24. Regan Freeman absolutely crushed an 18:10 for first in the 25-29 and a new PR. Luke Freshour, aka tat guy, finished 2nd. It turns out he’s Ed’s nephew. Should have given him an elbow. Ross Wigington got dragged out to run by the missus and still claimed 3rd in the 30-34. Well done. Rob Yerger, in full Santa costume, held off our Ville to Ville teammate Michael Beets for 2nd and 3rd in the 45-49. Silent H won first in the 50-54. Roy Shelley and Rich Weiner finished 1-2 in the 55-59. Dave Hale pushed da run to win the 60-64, with Phil Smith 3rd. Pete O’Boyle dominated the 65-69 by eleven minutes , with Thomas Outlaw third. Alex Ponomarev was third in a competitive 70-74. Ron Hagell was 2nd in the 75+.  Ken Lowden was third and ran with a bib in memory of our late Podium Patti Lowden.

Other notable finishers included: Patrick Hall, Thomas Outlaw, Jr., Antjuan Seawright, Joey and Gabby Swearingen, Phil Togneri, Michael and Clara Beaudet (Clara with the much nicer turkey costume), Kurt Hamm, Missy Caughman, Sophia Homeyer, Gretachen Lambert, Deanna Renick, Jessalyn smith, Maria Pray, Brian Hawn, Melinda Waldrop, Kelly Hynes, Paul Laymon, Lisa Smarr, Jennifer Glass, Leeds Barroll, Pete Poore, Kari and Howard McKeone, and Margie Shelburg.