The Nightmare in Elmwood 5k started up in 2022 to benefit the Elmwood Park Neighborhood Association, and it’s already a Blue Shoes favorite. I mean, I already love racing in costumesfor any reason, and this event actually encourages it, so what’s not to love?

Of course, the key question is WHAT COSTUME? After finding my favorite outfit of all time last year, William Wallace of Braveheart, I had to find something that was at least almost as good. I spent a ridiculously long time researching costumes for this year. The ideal costume is at least somewhat runnable, but most of the best outfits are questionable in their friendliness towards blasting out a quick 5k. I mean I have a great “Duke from Bridgerton” costume, but damned if I’m going to haul ass in 18th century British formalwear. After I scrolled through a few hundred outfits, I found it: Luke Skywalker training with Yoda in a backpack.

I mean a) it’s from one of my favorite childhood movies (Return of the Jedi) b) Luke is actually running and training in this outfit in the movie c) everyone loves Star Wars and d) my kids favorite youtube video of all time is Bad Lip Reading’s version of the Luke-Yoda scene. I’ve probably seen it a hundred times. PERFECT.

https://youtu.be/U9t-slLl30E?si=6qCcx-hpUllpjr3W

Less than perfect, on top of the ridiculous price, was when I finally got the costume a week later. It involved multi-stepinstructions, and I basically had to build a Yoda supported by metal rods. Initially, it looked like Yoda had received blunt trauma to the head, so I had to carefully pack his “brain” with enough plastic so it would fill out his rubber cranium. All the metal wasn’t exactly light either. Plus, despite the weight and expense of the thing, the backpack straps holding it together looked like something that might be on a preschooler’s hello kitty bookbag. I was definitely going to have to find a better way to secure this thing. Luckily, tying strategically placed knots seemed to hold it in place. At least I hoped. It wasn’t like I was going to test run this thing out in the neighborhood. They already think I’m nuts for running in every conceivable weather condition. The NextDoor Karens would definitely be posting about rubber Yodas. 

 

So, my maiden run would have to be on race day. I got there an hour early, and the primary parking lot was already full. Dang, this race has gotten popular. Fortunately, it was pretty cold ,maybe high 40s, so running in my long Luke pants wouldn’t be too awful. I did a quick quarter mile warmup. It felt like it might be a little bouncy with the backpack, and maybe some arm chafing and…CLANK. I look back, and while Yoda’s cranium was intact, he had now endured massive spinal trauma. As in,his head had basically fallen off. DAMMIT THIS CAN’T HAPPEN. Fortunately, I was able to perform roadside jedi master neurosurgery by slamming Yoda’s head into his neck post. I think it clicked. Crisis averted. I can only imagine what I looked like to any bystanders. Later, Roy joined me for some more warmup miles. I soon realized I was already chafing on my shoulders and President Shelley offered me some of his Body glide. Again, I can’t imagine the visual of two men lubing up the arms and backpack of a giant Luke Skywalker and rubber Yoda. Talk about a nightmare.

At the start, there’s a crazy amount of people and costumes. Erin said there was like 700 signed up. That’s nuts for the fourth year of a race. It looked like quite a few fast people up near the front including Douglas Nover and Michael Visser doing a double dip with Go Leo Go 5k earlier that morning. (I later found out that Douglas, Margie Shelburg, Ashleigh Carpenter and Lauren Carpenter all TRIPLE dipped with the Law Dog run that night – wow.) Shawanna (dressed as Amy Rose from Sonic the Hedgehog) and Ashley Graham (as Rumi from Kpop Demon Hunters) were sure to battle it out for the women’s title.Unfortunately I was not cool enough to know who either of these characters were, though the costumes were amazing.While I was fairly certain my costume would be a challenge, it was nothing compared to Heather Hawn’s inflatable green alien or Andy Mikula’s inflatable Gizmo (from Gremlins). Those things are difficult to see out of much less run in. 

As per usual, everyone takes off like a bat out of hell at the start. Especially when you turn onto Park Street and plummet down a mountain. I wonder how many of these guys know you have toclimb this mountain at the end?  I was just trying to remain upright since Yoda was bouncing all over the place and I was afraid of him, or possibly me, breaking my neck. As soon as you hit the bottom of the hill you end up coming back up on Lincoln and weave your way through the Elmwood neighborhood.  I have to say the Elmwood people go all out for Halloween. Most of the houses are decorated to the hilt and the crowd support is amazing for a local 5k. Eventually, you get dumped out right near the Elmwood street overpass and, fittingly, head to the cemetery entrance.

I was feeling decent about my costume pace (7:30) until I saw I was getting my ass beat by a giant pickle (Micah Simonsen). Fortunately, the course is mostly level in the middle with an out and back on the paved trail to Finley Park. Yoda is finally staying put and I’m able to ramp up the speed some. I struggle a little with a middle-aged looking Richard Simmons and manage to pass him. I figure masters is probably out of my reach, but hopefully I can score an age group.

Not sure if the temperature had risen a lot since my arrival, but the Luke pants are killing me by this point. The turnaround at the park feels good to be headed back home, plus, you get to see the whole field behind you, which is fun. Mile 2 was slightly faster in 7:11, with the marker just before you hit the Elmwood overpass again. Luckily you get to skip the cemetery out-and-back coming home. I’m feeling pretty good at this point, so I try and kick it in some in the last mile. I sidle up next to some young dude, who realizes it’s an old fat man with a yoda pack, and he surges back ahead.

OK, bro, we will see. Sure enough, we make that next-to-last turn onto Park and hit that killer hill. It’s short, but really steep. I punch it in to full kick mode and leave the kid behind. I hadn’t been going that hard before but now I’m holding on to my backpack for dear life, Yoda’s neurologic integrity be damned. One last turn and I blast out whatever I had left, making sure I posed for the photographer of course. Kicked through the finish in 22:26. A few seconds later the kid comes through and deposits his breakfast next to me on a tree. Nothing like the shame of getting beaten by a 50-year-oldchunky costumed dude AND getting the post-race pukes. I loved it, because I am a terrible person. I missed masters thanks to the Yerg and Pickle boy but I was able to pick up 1st in age group. Plus, I got one of the popcorn bags for top costumes. Given that I’m in the middle of JFK 50 training, and my general tendency towards gluttony, I’ll probably eat it all myself.

In the overall, Dr Mark Kushinka took the win in 17:30 over Ryan Schaffer and Demetris McCray – all under 18 minutes. In the women’s race, Ashley Graham took home the win in 19:34 with Lizzie Bird 2nd and Shawanna White 3rd.  Women’s masters top 3 (with Shawanna going to overall) was Ronda Sanders, Lindsay Nimmo and Kelly Cox. Rob Yerger, Wes Sawyer and Micah Simonsen took the male masters podium.

Age group honor roll, women: Hayden Hall and Lauren Carpenter (purple m&m) were 2nd and 3rd in the 15-19. Michaela Willoughby won the 25-29. Meredith Frye won the 30-34. Korinne Collins (blue crayon) was 1st and Lucretia Collins (skeleton) were 1st and 3rd in the 35-39. Ashleigh Carpenter(green m&m) was 2nd in the 40-44. Katharine Myers won the 45-49.  Rita Hipp and Joanna Holden were 1-2 in the 50-54. Lynda Leonardi was 2nd and Sara Wilcox 3rd in the 55-59. Rosa Creech was 3rd in the 60-64. Mary Cassidy on the 65-69. Helene Lipe, Eileen Korpita and Diane Freeman won the 70-74/.

Age group honor roll, men: Douglas Nover was 1st and Michael Visser (Sonic) 3rd in a brutally competitive 25-29. Jeffrey Campbell and Jon Baysden were top 2 in the 45-49. Brett Looker (Richard Simmons) and Michael Smyrl were 2-3 in the 50-54. Roy Shelley won the 55-59. Joey Swearingen, Phil Smith and Son Nguyen swept the 60-64. Lorand Batten was 3rd in the 65-69. George Cassidy and Jerry Rich were 1st and 3rd in the 70-74, and Ron Hagell and Rich Wright took top 2 in the 75+. 

Other notable finishers:

Betsy Theriot, Bruce Edmonds (Kenny Powers) , Marty Wentzel, Jonathan Kozer, Amanda Smyrl, Mary Kate Korpita, Todd Derrick, Stephanie Hauser, Marcus Cunningham (Dr. Robotnik), Sarah Soltau (black cat), Kana Rahman (yellow crayon), Makenzie Wilt, Clara Beaudet (batgirl), Michael Beaudet, Gabriella Swearingen, Wendy Homeyer, Missy Caughman, Deana Rennick (strawberry shortcake), Melinda Waldrop, Stephanie Mosher, Cassidy Carter (avocado) , Andy Mikula (Gizmo), Pete Poore, Jenny Schneider (orange m&m), Ted Creech, Nicki Charlton (evil minion), Rosa Creech , Jennifer Reeves, Ron Lipe, Heather Herndon, Margie Shelburg and Kerry Stubbs.

PICS from JP PHOTOGRAPHY, Montages assembled by Tracy Tisdale in the Columbia Running Club newsletter.