The Nightmare in Elmwood 5k is one of the newer races on tour, first held in 2022, but it’s already one of my favorites. I mean, you don’t have to twist my arm to do race cosplay, and this one actually encourages it. Add in a unique course, GRIT endurance direction and a lot of neighborhood support and there’s no surprise why this event is already popular.
My biggest concern, like trying to find a good pair of blue shoes, is the unique balancing act of finding a cool costume that is also at least somewhat “runnable”. The fact is most runnable costumes are fairly lame and the coolest ones are terrible for trying to throw down a decent 5k. I mean, I love costumes, but I also love CRC points. And with my insane age group, I ‘m going to need to need at least a sub-21. I was seriously thinking about a more timely Beetlejuice ensemble, but I’ve come to realize that if I want to run fast, it’s going to have to be in a dress. And Beetlejuice is full on striped suit with pants, like HYC post race. Oh sure, they may call them tunics, kilts or robes. But let’s be real, any fast costumes have dresses. Also, ventilation is key. Halloween always seems to end up in some fourth or fifth conjuring of summer that never seems to end in this town. I have pics of my poor 3-year-old ready to have heat stroke because daddy thought he looked so cute as a (pre Mandalorian) baby Yoda. So, I once again surrendered my man card and went in search of the coolest (literal and metaphorical) dress I could find.
Fortunately, I enlisted some help from another fellow cosplayer, your newsletter editor Mrs. Tisdale, and came across Halloweencostumes.com. For what they lack in name creativity, they certainly make up for in terms of selection. And they had an awesome William Wallace Braveheart costume. Sure, a 1995 movie that probably no one under 40 has seen isn’t exactly timely, but I’ve been stuck in the mid-90s for the past three decades anyway.
I thought I got a good deal on the costume, but it turns out the model online was also sporting about 30 bucks of accessories like the sword, wig and blue face paint. Oh well, I had already committed so I shelled out the cash. Trying on everything at home showed me it was an awesome costume, and definitely runnable. The con was that the wig, which also could double for any 1980s hair band ensemble, was insanely itchy and hot. But alas, I must suffer for my art.
On race morning, I was nervous about putting on the blue makeup, so I skipped any double dipping. Fortunately, my wife is understanding of my overall bizarreness, so she gave me a brief tutorial of using sponge wedges to apply the blue face paint. That morning I gained a new appreciation for what women go through, as I desperately tried not to ruin my blue foundation with wig hair flyaways. I kept having to flamboyantly flip my hair back and I decided that my man card may need to be permanently revoked. Though this may have already happened thanks to my Downton Abbey/Bridgerton obsession, so I guess it was all good.
I showed up to the race an hour early and one of the parking lots was already full. Dang, this was getting to be a big event. Lots of Halloweening out there, so I figured I had minimal chance of winning the costume contest. My extensive experience has shown that cute kids win everytime, with hot girls a close second. Dead last are middle aged man-children with wigs and makeup. JP photography was there along with freelancer Sean Rayford so hopefully I’d get lots of pics at least. My ego needs feeding somehow.
I warmed up some on the course, having done the whole thing on Friday. The race goes to benefit the Elmwood Neighborhood Association, so the homeowners go all out on the decorations, especially since there’s a prize for the best one. Seriously, I’ve never seen a community so into an event. Yerg, who was not in costume, ran some with me, so I knew masters was already out of the picture. The course has an insane drop and tough climb in the beginning and the end, though a lot of the middle is fairly flat. The route takes you through Elmwood then does an out and back to Finlay Park before returning to the finish.
With the start, I made sure to pose for Julie, because I just have to be an attention whore. We headed out on Bryan street before turning right on Park and then plummeted down the hill. It’s pretty steep, and I kept thinking Julia Ghering in her Michael Myers mask might end up on the concrete. That would be a weird ER trip for sure. After reaching the bottom, you head right back up on Lincoln. At this point I had broken free from the pack, but Yerg, Regan, and Shannon were kicking my ass. Dr. Kushinka had already destroyed the field out in front. I always set my sights on “first costume” in this race and there was some dude in a Bob Ross outfit with a dress shirt, artist’s palette, brushes and jeans that was right by my side. Poor Bob had already sweated through his shirt like he had jumped in a lake. We were together through the top of the hill when I felt a loosening of my kilt/dress and the whole shoulder wrap fell off. OMG, I’m going to have to stop. THERE ARE ONLY UNDIES DOWN THERE. I don’t need any more moments like the green velour leprechaun incident, which make gray sweatpants seem modest. Fortunately, I was able to yank the strap up, reach around and tuck it in my belt with only a few seconds of jogging mid-race. Never have I been more grateful for switching out the cheap fabric costume belt with a real leather one.
The short break actually helped a little, so I kicked it back into 5k mode and caught up with Bob Ross. One mile mark was in 6:40ish near the Elmwood Cemetery. We then hit the Vista Greenway which is mostly flat. Bob , whose real name is Bruce, asks me what my real 5k time is. His is apparently 19:50ish, so I felt like I could probably take him, especially with his jeans. Though he did look 20 something so you never know. I was able to pass him near the turnaround in Finlay Park and we headed back home. The way back was cool since you got to see everyone else in the field. Lots of cool costumes. Heading back into Elmwood, I was getting slightly faster but the hair band mop on my head was absolutely cooking my brain. I climbed the first hill and saw Rayford taking pics. One of Sean’s photos was on the front of the New York Times for Hurricane Helene a few weeks ago, so I did my best William Wallace charge in his direction. I’m sure a random cosplay dude in a costume 5k in Columbia is also NYT cover worthy. I fell down the cliff again to Confederate Avenue and steeled myself for the brutal Park St climb. It’s short but it is insanely steep. I powered up Park and could see Yerg, Shannon, Parker Roof and Regan ahead. I saw Parker stop to walk for a second and I started trying to throw down a kick. Sadly, I only had fumes left. Regan and Shannon also seemed to get Parker running again, so I realized I wasn’t going to have enough room to catch them. One last turn onto Bryan street and I could see the 20s on the clock already. I mounted a weak kick, but made sure to pose for Julie again at the finish. Time was 20:41, so not too shabby, especially given that course and the near wardrobe malfunction. I’ll take it!
In the overall men, Kushinka crushed the field in 17:10, with Benjamin Laprise 2nd and Robert McBee 3rd. Shelby Gurley was top female, with Shannon Godby 2nd and Avery Farr 3rd. Male Masters was won by the Yerg, while Ronda Sanders was tops among the masters women.
Age Group honor roll (female): Jordan Seeger was 2nd in the 20-24. Michaela Willoughby and Julia Ghering were 2-3 in the 25-29. Mary Kate Korpita won the 30-34. Ashleigh Carpenter was 3rd in the 40-44, while Kristin Wallace and Sarah Soltau were 2-3 in the 45-49. Welcome back, Sarah! Stevie Dee took 2nd in the 50-54, while Lynda Leonardi and Pam Griffin went 1-3 in the 55-59. Brigitte Smith was tops in the 75+
Age Group honor roll (men): Parker was 2nd in the 20-24. Regan Freeman and Bruce Edmonds were 2-3 in the 25-29. William Wallace was 1st in the 45-49. Drew Dickerson was 3rd in the 50-54, while Roy Shelley and Joey Swearingen were 1-2 in the 55-59. Clay Ham and Eliere Tolan were 1-3 in the 60-64. Jerry Rich was champ and Pete Poore 3rd in the 70-74. Ron Hagell and Richard Wright claimed the top 2 in the 75+
Other notable finishers: Antjuan Seawright, Korinne Collins, Karen Kryzanowski, Eme Crawford, Michael and Clara Beaudet, Missy Caughman, Leighton McClendon, Marcus Cunningham, Wendy Homyer, Makenzie Wilt, Sara Wilcox, Kana Rahman, Kara Clyburn, Melinda Waldrop, Gretchen Lambert, Hou-Yin Chang, Nikki Charlton, Michelle Edmondson, Jennifer Glass, Lynn Kramer, Kerry Stubbs, Heather Hawn, Shiela Bolin, Margie Shelburg, Rachel Trott, Susan Weaver, Kristin and Poppy Loughlin.
The costume contest was basically prizes for everyone, though true to my prediction the kids (toy story) and the Fia group (Inside Out) were probably the top choices. I did get a bag of Cromer’s popcorn to soothe my ego though!
Tour de Blue Shoes 