Crawdaddy Dash 5k – Columbia, SC – 5/4/24

It’s been several years since the Rosewood Crawdaddy Dash happened, and I was sure it was no more, but I was super happy to see Erin and GRIT revive it. I was at the inaugural race, which was probably 2011-ish. The Crawfish festival which hosts the race used to bring in 1990s alt rock vets like Everclear and Better then Ezra, so definitely right up my alley. Later, Hunter Gatherer built their Hangar outpost, and no one has to twist my arm for a post-race beer. 2014 report below:

Rosewood Crawdaddy Dash 5k – Columbia, SC – 5/3/2014

The course has a bit of a tough climb to start, but few races end with virtually 2 miles of downhill and flatness. I thought I was excited about the race, but few can match the enthusiasm of Regan Freeman. I did a half mile warm up with him and dude was AMPED. I was jealous of his crawdaddy hat though. I can always get behind a good costume. In fact, Crawdaddy was being held on the same day as the May the Fourth race, enabling me to do a rare cosplay double, Obi-Wan and Crawdaddy boxer guy. Luckily the two races were 90 minutes apart, so an easy ride over. I didn’t quite have to drive like a maniac, but somehow, I weaved through USC graduation traffic from Saluda Shoals and made it to Hunter Gatherer by about 9 am. There might have been an entitled violation of a police barrier since I drove up from the back. I’ll never tell.

It felt better to not have long pants and a robe on, but it was still pretty miserable outside. Legs got super tight on the ride over too, so that was also fun. There was a nice crowd on hand and tons of CRCers, plus quite a few double dippers. Not sure of all of them, but Chris, Melody, Nicki, Brett, Stevie, HYC , Ivery and Roy made the trip from Saluda Shoals. Thankfully there were plenty of portapotties, because I’m always afraid of another infamous “true to the poo” incident from one of my other double dips. Again, zero time goal here, just get to the finish line.

At the start, I try to position myself for maximum pic exposure on the front line, but I get passed almost immediately by about 20 people. Fantastic. As advertised, the first mile is a complete struggle bus on this course, though the initial 800 meters is the toughest. I try and maintain a decent pace, but my Jedi jaunt has apparently destroyed my life force. It feels like everybody and their mom is ahead of me and I just have nothing. I pace pretty evenly with Kara Stevens and clock in a tick under 7 minutes as we turn onto Rosewood. For reference I like 6:15 out of the gates, but that’s all I have today. What’s nice is knowing there are no more hills. I turn onto Ott and we all start the long gradual slog down to Owens field. The Ott St decline has been a favorite of mine for all virtual races, including the 2020 palmetto 200 and the 2021 virtual sweat it out with Yerg when he couldn’t make it in person. It’s really long and you can stride out the whole way down. Mile 2 in 6:39 so I’m at least near my 10k pace by now. Sellers Williamson, Brendan Holman and Seth Lapic are in sight but I’m kind of on my own at this point. Ashley is off Montgomery st taking pics, so I make sure to do some posing with what little oxygen I have left. I try and push it in mile 3 to at least get under 21. I manage to catch Sellers and I see Brendan, Seth and Yerg as I take a right on Jim Hamilton Blvd. I am very relieved to feel no wind on this stretch, because it can be brutal when it’s in your face. Luckily the only thing holding me back is 195 lbs of poor conditioning. But, hell, might as well blast out whatever you have. I start tracking down Brendan and suddenly he catches a case of the walksies. I scream at him and he sees the truly frightening sight of a pale ass tan lined sasquatch barreling his way. He takes off again in a startle but the walksie bug hits again a little while later and I manage to pass him about 200 meters from the finish. Seth is up ahead. He may be weakened by a blazing 3:03 London Marathon two weeks ago, but still better than me today. I am just toast by the finish, beautifully captured by my finish line photo, which looks like a cross between a stroke or a bad taco bell experience. Just hideous, as always. Finish time of 20:44. 9th overall. To clarify how brutal the masters competition is in Columbia, this was only good for 5th masters and technically 4th in my 45-49 age group. Luckily, the top three 45-49 people got taken up by masters overall and I got a “consolation” 1st in AG on the podium. But hey, I’ll take even a fake number one.

Overall winners in this race included the ageless Orinthal Striggles, churning out a 17:03 at age 48. Steven Hicks finally broke through in a big way with a very sub 18 in 17:41 for second across the line. He opted to take first masters, so official 2nd was Cole Andrew in 17:49 with 3rd going to Regan in a nice 18:56. Ivanka Tolan took the overall women’s race in 19:59 , with Sellers 2nd in 21:28and Kara 3rd in 21:46 for a CRC sweep. Male masters included Chris Branham in 2nd, with a nice 19:09 in the second leg of a double dip, and Rob THE YERG Yerger in 3rd. Female masters winners were Marian Nanney in 1st with Melody Kreiling taking an impressive 2ns at age 64.

Female Age group honors: Michaela Willoughby was 2nd in the 25-29. Shelley Rivers was champ of the 40-44. Kristin Wllace and Deanna Rennick won 1st and 3rd in the 45-49. Stevie Dee Dukes, Missy Caughman and Melinda Waldrop swept the 50-54. Kelly Danias was 2nd in the 55-59. Teresa Harrington won the 60-64. Margie Shelburg was 2nd in the 65-69.

Male age group honors: Christopher Houck won 1st in the 30-34 with Ian Loughlin 2nd. Seth Lapic and Antjuan Seawright took the top 2 in the 35-39. Brendan Holman and Brett Martin went 1-2 in the 40-44. With all the studs in the overall and masters, I won the 45-49 by a mere 10 minutes. That has to be a record. Ivery Baldwin, Drew Dickerson and Todd Derrick won the 50-54. Roy Shelley, Eliere Tolan and Leighton McClendon swept the 55-59. Clay Ham was 1st and Phil Smith 3rd in the 60-64. Leeds Barroll won the 70-74, while Richard Wright and Ron Hagell took the 75+.

Other notable finishers: Son Nguyen, Nicole Charlton, Maria Pray, Traci Smith, Kathryn Houck, Kristin Loughlin, and Gretchen Lambert.

Lucky Leprechaun 5k – Camden, SC – 3/2/24

Mar10

The Lucky Leprechaun 5k was established in 2018 to help promote the Irish Fest in Camden. While I am always somewhat reluctant to leave the confines of the Columbia metropolitan area, this race promised free green beer at the finish line, a pancake-flat course and the ever-present swag /awards of a GRIT event. Add to this it was being held ON MY BIRTHDAY, and I was in. Camden is barely a half hour from the casa del Blue Shoes, so really not much of a trip anyway. Erin then made the group (of mostly Camden and Elgin runners) sing Happy Birthday to me at the award ceremony, andpresented me with a giant birthday cookie cake. I’m sure 90 percent of the 2018 registrants wondered a) who the hell is this guy? and b) why is he such an insufferable egomaniac? Legitimate questions, both. What I didn’t know is that the ego stroking was only a ploy in Erin’s long game to find someone ridiculous enough and attention-whorish enough to serve as the race mascot, Lucky Leprechaun himself. So, forever indebted to the 2018 birthday celebration, I was that person. Except for an ill-timed college friend’s wedding in 2022, I’ve been the leprechaun ever since.

And let me tell you, the suit is hideous. Decked out in green velour, gold/green vest and striped socks, this thing is not attractive. It also has to be dry cleaned, which may or may not have occurred in 6 years, as well as stuffed in a closet 364 days a year. It’s pretty gross. But it definitely will get your attention, especially when you’re already 6’3” and probably 7 feet with the insane looking jaunty stovepipe hat.

However, it is not completely race unfriendly. The green velour pants are definitely light and airy, so much so that the 2019 photos are probably not suitable for viewing by children. My best time is a 19:03 in 2021, but after a year of a gimpy Achilles, I couldn’t touch that in regular racewear in 2024. My time last year was 20:03 at the beginning of my injury woes, so that was a more realistic goal.

I tried to arrive early for the race, but sometimes the race day colon is a fickle mistress, so I was a little late. The place was packed, so there was definitely an uptick in registrations, even with the competition at the Spurs Up Sprint in Columbia and the Myrtle Beach Marathon. I haven’t raced since Dam to Dam a few weeks ago and everything was tight. This would be interesting. My warmup included a rogue visit to an unofficial portapotty and getting verbally lambasted by a teen volunteer for running off course. I was like, dude do you think the race started 30 minutes early and I’m leading the entire field by a half mile in this outfit? But hey, I admire the dedication to duty. Weatherwas nice but a little humid.

At the start, there was a huge CRC contingent, officially 31 of us by the group list on runsignup. Sarah and Eric Allers even came in from Rock Hill. Competition looked pretty stiff, with a couple of young dudes and Chris Branham signing up last second to scrounge points. Do we have a threat to Jarvis’ supremacy on the overall Tour? Shannon Godby was back to defend her 2023 title on the women’s side.

My goal in this race was to not get hurt, start easy-ish and negative split. With the gun, I’m still tight and race pace feels brutal. Everyone is passing me and there’s a small part of me that tells me I could just mail this one in, especially with the suiton. But every time that thought gets overridden by the insanely, maniacally competitive primitive race brain that supersedes all logic. The course is a pretty much a rectangle. While fairly flat, the first half is a gradual uphill and the second half the same grade downhill. If you make it to the turnaround in decent shape, you can crush the last mile plus.

After being reassured my Achilles wouldn’t snap, I focused on trying to catch up with everyone that blew me away at the start. Sarah was leading a pack of young girls, which was cool to see her still inspiring the younger generation. She also made sure to trash talk me as I pulled alongside and told me to smack her husband in the rear if I could catch him. I’m pretty sure Eric would administer a leprechaun assault and battery if I tried that. Mile 1 was like 6:40ish, so I definitely needed to pick it up to have a chance at 20. I managed to pull up to Mr. Allers and Shannon a little over a mile in, and I was starting to feel the effect of the pace uptick and the heat of a couple layers of velour. Just ahead of them was this kid, and just as I started to pass him, he cut me off. Oh, he probably didn’t see me. A few dozen meters later, same thing. OH IT’S ON NOW, BUDDY. I pull a 2010 Marcus Lattimore maneuver and blow by this dude with the agility of, well, a 7 foot almost 49 year old leprechaun with a bad foot. Nothing like asserting your dominance against a pesky 8th grader.

I can see the pace car way ahead, and finally, finally it turns to the right. Every year it just seems longer. Rounding the turn is awesome, because suddenly your treadmill is on negative 1 percent instead of the opposite. Mile 2 is 6:30ish , so it’s going to take a miracle to get a sub 20. Plus, what felt like moderate humidity and 50ish degrees now feels like mid-August in the suit. I’m kind of dying but at least I now have my significant gravitational advantage on my side. I start to ramp it up a bit, but there isn’t much gas in the tank. Also, I’m surprised to see an a) an unknown female leading the women’s race and b) she is matching my kick step for step. I’m making zero progress. We finally crash back onto the main drag of Camden, Dekalb street,and I am toast. I can see the finish turn just ahead but mystery girl is thoroughly kicking my ass. I think I can maybe throw down a headless chicken pass at the end, but it’s just not happening. She whups my tail and finishes a few seconds before I blast through in 20:11. Good enough for 11th place (10th male) and a solitary TDC overall point. I’ll take it.

The race finish area featured pint glasses and big golden trophies for the overall and masters, as well as St Patty’s Day donuts from Mondo donuts. And did we mention beer? There was also beer. Maybe not my high gravity snooty IPAs, but a Mich Ultra will do at 8:30 in the morning. I can also say the donut was on point, since I ate it like a rabid raccoon in the car on the way home. Awesome race as always!

Overall: Sixteen-year-old Benjamin Rabon got the win in 18:15, with Chris Branham 2nd in 18:45 and Benjamin Laprise 3rd in18:49. In the women’s race, hats off to Molly Williams for holding off the Leprechaun for the win in 20:08. Shannon Godby crushed a 20:34 for 2nd and Sarah Allers was 3rd in 21:33. Shannon scored a 81 percent age grade while Sarah posted a near world class level 89 percent. Wow.

The timing company took masters runners out of the overall, so unofficially, the male masters podium was Jeff Brandenburg (19:01 and also an 81 percent age grade), the leprechaun, and Eric Allers. Female masters winners were Barbara Brandenburg, Jennifer McLeod and Kristin Wallace.

Age group honor roll (female): Hayden Hall was 3rd in the 11-14. Julia Ghering was the champ of the 25-29, with Michaela Willoughby 2nd. Toni Jumper was 2nd in the 40-44. Bertha Woehl was 2nd in the 55-59. Melody Kreiling and Colleen Towery were 1-2 in the 60-64. Mary Cassidy was 2nd in the 65-69.

Age group honor roll (male): Regan Freeman won the 25-27. Patrick Hall was 3rd in the 45-49. Eric Allers was 1st in the 50-54, while Frank Seier was tops in the 55-59. Tony Yarborough and Phil Smith were 1-3 in the 60-64. George Cassidy and Pete Poore went 1-2 in the 70-74. Ron Hagell was 2nd in the 75-79.

Other notable finishers: Michael Beaudet, Clara Beaudet, Drew Dickerson, Margie Shelburg, Stevie Dee Dukes, Son Nguyen, Teresa Shelton. Pam Griffin, Nikki Charlton, Cassidy Carter, Tammy Carter, Dianne Steadman, Maria Pray, Sherry Blizzard. Sorry if I missed anyone.

https://runsignup.com/Race/Results/53235#resultSetId-440185;perpage:100

True to the Brew 10k -Pomaria to Peak, SC – 4/2/21

Apr6

As it turns out, like the chance of me ordering an IPA, I will reliably and predictably show up for any event that involves beer and racing. Some may argue that drinking in the morning sounds weird and gross, but I assure you they are very wrong, especially when you’ve just thrown down your hardest effort for a few miles.

So when Erin and GRIT endurance started hosting the True to the Brew race in 2018, I was most certainly in. Nice time of year, flat course and music/beer/food at the finish. What’s not to love? The race goes to benefit the Palmetto Conservation Foundation and the Palmetto Trail, so even better. This is a trail race, but the flat and open point-to-point route make it pretty accessible to diehard roadies like myself. Don’t get me wrong, I love the trails, but my Sasquatchian frame is not known for the cat-like agility that fast technical trail racing demands.

This race is so flat I even considered bringing out the VAPORS. But like a small puppy, I treat my 200 dollar precious nikes with the gentlest of kid gloves. The thought of possibly damaging these babies on some rocks was too traumatic to bear, so I opted for my standard blues.

I was glad the TTTB was actually live this year (with a virtual option as well), but there were obviously some COVID restrictions. Since the race is point to point and has vans bringing you back to the start, they had to make sure there wasn’t a huge bottleneck of people at the finish. The solution was doing waves every 15 minutes instead of the 5-10 seconds we’ve seen at most COVID era events. This definitely led to better spacing. I signed up for the race months ago, so I’m not sure how the corrals were divided, though the first one was supposed to be for under 7:30pace I believe. I’m sure Erin recognized my ELITE STATUS and put me in the first wave.

I would say I was well trained for this race, but to be honest, my legs finally decided to pay me back for the abuse inflicted them in recent weekends. The whole past week was a bit of a struggle just doing my daily slog jogs around downtown Columbia. I’m sure “The Sweaty Sasquatch” will be on the next Soda City tourist brochure for local characters. It turns out that following a marathon with a 200 mile relay and sleeping on a picnic bench in the cold do not bode well for a 46 year old’s body. Go figure.

So I arrived at race day in perhaps less than optimal condition. But hey, I was there super early and I was going to make sure that the epic pooptastrophe known as “TRUE TO THE POO” from 2019 would not happen again. My colon still quivers every time I run the Palmetto Trail’s bridges. I’m not there very long before I see Drew Williams AND John Charlton, essentially blowing my masters chances out of the water from the get-go. Lots of CRC people in the first couple of waves. Tracy Tisdale was there to race, sans Jedi camera, thus ensuring that the Facebook masses would be subjected to the harsh eye of the sweaty iPhone. My Palmetto 200 “El Capitan” Brian Clyburn and wife Jen were there with both dogs. Nancy McKnight , Mario Alvarez, Whitney and Caroline Keen, The Yerg and Melinda, Eric Gilfus, Ed “FAST EDDIE” Aulfuldish, Prez Roy Shelley, Sara Wilcox, Colleen Quarles andJoey Swearingen were some familiar faces at the first start.

The first wave took off at 7:30 am, and Drew blasts out to the front immediately, followed by Charlton. Oh hell, I’m letting these guys go. My legs loosen up some as I try to approximate somewhere between 6:30 and 6:40 pace. As has been well documented, I’m terrible at pacing a good 10k. I either go out too fast and die (see 2012 Dam 10k 6:18 first mile), or underperform by not going hard enough. I feel like I’m moving pretty well, but damned if two “kids” pass me in sequence about a half mile in. Being an aging Xer, “kid” now refers to anyone under 40. Well at least they weren’t trying to compete for my extremely elite third masters position. Not too far after I get my first split – 6:53. Damn, not even close. Yeah, looks like the legs and my cardio are on different wavelengths today. The course is dead straight so I fight drifting off into race daydreaming mode, almost wishing I had some music to keep me company. My coworkers have expressed disbelief that I don’t listen to music while I race, especially given my autistic spectrum like pop music knowledge of the last 40 years. But then again , they don’t know the dark and twisty things of the sasquatchian mind that I have to process on a daily basis.

Dark and twisty, like choosing my hello fresh meal for the day and which hazy IPA the irmo craft and draft may have on tap. Yeah, I’m totally goth like that. I am concerned about the ghost of Ed Aulfuldish and Rob Yerger, because I keep hearing things. But it’s always either a squirrel or the rampaging elephant sound of my own body hurtling through space. At some points I try and throw down some bursts of speed, at least to keep Drew, John and the kids in sight, but my legs are quickly shooting down making any moves. I rattle off some more 6:50s and hit the Hope Ferry Rd 5k point in 21 something. By this time I can see that the two kids have actually gotten in front of the masters battle, which is kind of surprising since neither of those dudes seemed familiar. Being a 5k specialist, maybe I can throw down a decent finish here. I give a little more effort for a mile and get back a 6:47. Doh. So much for a big negative split. Over the next mile there’s an ever so slight closing of the gap between me and the other old guys, but not really enough to give me that David banner/incredible hulk adrenaline boost that produced my 5k PR in December.

But at least I’m not getting caught. I figured Yerg would be cashed from his 70 mile mid-week solo ultra he threw down on Wednesday, but there’s always FAST EDDIE, and he already shamed me at Skidaway 2 weeks earlier. Luckily I was able to hold off anyone over the last two miles, basically phoned in couple more 6:50s and did a weak blue shoe kick on the bridge to finish in 43:10. Since this is a trail course and bound by the confines of the bridge and the Wilson’s store parking lot, it’s really more in the 6.3 to 6.4mile range. I’ll take it on my cinder block legs. There were some timing headaches with the staggered starts but it looks like they were able to iron them out. There was a great band at the finish and while there couldn’t be beer on site this year, you got a craft and draft free brew coupon (later cashed in at the Irmo location , SHOCKINGLY for an IPA). I ended up 6^th overall and 2^nd masters, with John Charlton claiming 3^rd overall to bump me up a notch on the masters podium. Strangely, some dude in the second wave beat me for the 5^th place I thought I took. Damn you,Grier Sponenberg. You’re going down next time!

In the overall, the “kids” Kyle Logue and David Giovannini battled it out for first, with Kyle edging out David by a second. I believe David was my medical student at some point, so I ‘m going to seek out a retroactive failing grade for disrespecting his elders. As mentioned, John Charlton was the pride of the old dudes, claiming third overall. Drew won masters, with me and Jeff Padgett 2^ndand 3^rd.

Among the women, Martha Beahm won first, with Wendy Hart and Rachel Simmonscompleting the podium. Female masters was super close, with Jodi McFarland, Julia Norcia and Jen Clyburn all finishing in 51 minutes.

Age groupers: WOMEN: Sabine McGrievyclaimed 1^st in the 12-14 in a nice time of 1:04. Nikki Barthelemy was first in the 40-44. The 45-49 was swept by Colleen Quarles, Amanda Charlton, Julie McKinnon and Caroline Keen. Tracy “JEDI RUNNER” Tisdale took 1^st in the 50-54, ahead of Sara Wilcox and Renata McFadden. Teresa Harrington claimed third in the 60-64, while. Cheryl Outlaw and Janice Compton went 1-2 in the 65-69.

MEN: Quentin McGrievy harnessed his track team speed to take first in the 12-14. Eric “HORN STAR” Gilfus won the 30-34 by 2 minutes. Dr. John Baker, master of the 4 am training run, finished 3^rd in the 35-39. Brian Clyburn won 1^st in the 45-49 with his 2 insanely hyperactive dogs. Whitney Keenand Roy Shelley placed 1^st and 3rd in the 50-54, with Frank Seier 4^th. The 55-59 was a CRC sweep with Ed Aulfuldish, Mario Alvarez and Joey Swearingen claiming the podium. Jim Manning took 2^nd in the 60-64 with Lorand Batten 4^th. Mike Compton was 2^ndin the 65-69 with counselor Leeds Barrolllaying down the law in 3^rd. Chap John Houser crushed his 1^st place in the 70+ by over half an hour, en route to a week where he hit his 300^th straight day at the gym – congrats, Chap!

Lots of familiar faces in the results – Mark Chickering, Renee McCormick, Matt Havens, Michael Beaudet, Clara Nance, Lisa Powell, Phyllis Hughes, Darby Shinn, Lois Leaburn, Bryan Leaburn, Craig Campbell, Gretchen Lambert, Matt and Brie McGrievy, Tommy Outlaw, Gabby Swearingen, Tonya Stamey, Jessalyn Smith, Marlena Crovatt-Bagwell, Missy Caughman, Kara Blaisure, Kim La, Kana Rahman, Heather Herndon, Patrick McCormick, and Maria Pray were all finishers.

Virtual completers included Charles Seastrunk, Naomi Rabon , Rocky Soderberg and Amanda Rowan.

Thanks to Erin Roof and family and Mary Roe from the Palmetto Conservation Foundation for another great race!

Soda City Beer Mile – Swamp Cabbage Brewery – Columbia,SC -4/6/19

Apr10

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For years, everyone has been telling me to do a beer mile. Combining two of my favorite activities, this event is seemingly tailor-made for me. It’s a simple concept – chug a beer and run 400 meters, repeat times four. The 400 meters is probably one of my best events too – the less endurance involved the better for me, one hundred percent blue shoe kick. And theoretically, a nearly 6’3”” 190 pound Irish dude who loves beer should be able to handle 4 beers like it’s nothing, right?

Wrong. As a silly genetic joke, I was bequeathed the alcohol tolerance of a 90 pound freshman sorority girl. One beer = fine, Two beers = fine. Three = OK but probably going to mess up my sleep. Four = headaches and cotton mouth, Five plus = probably praying to the porcelain god. Obviously my therapeutic window for alcohol is ridiculously small, which is only amplified by my 5’3” wife, who can drink me under the table any day of the week. Seriously, she hardly ever drinks but don’t let her near a bottle of moscato on girls night out. On like donkey kong.
So 4 beers in 10 minutes is going to be a stretch for me. And I never chug beers, since I really don’t want to give my pansy ass liver too much to handle.
But hey, why not give it a shot? I was glad Bobby Scott finally got a good venue for this event, since nailing down a good running route and/or sponsors is a difficult thing for beer miles. Last year, I believe he held it on the Cayce block where he lived. The classic beer mile is on a track. But most tracks are at high schools or middle schools, and as it turns out most schools are not ok with a bunch of adults chugging and puking on the premises. Sponsors are not too keen on equating their business with drunken debauchery either. I know – no fun at all. But Swamp Cabbage Brewery was ideal, because, one, they are obviously ok with beer drinking, and two, lots of barely traveled roads nearby to set up a course. Score.
Once I signed up I had some decisions to make. Choice of beer is critical. Rules state that the beer has to be 5 percent alcohol or higher, which pretty much rules out all the light beers. That took out my go-to low gravity brew Amstel Light. They say stouts and porters are less carbonated and thus easier to get down, but I’m not a fan of either, and chugging thick beer sounded like a recipe for the pukes. I love IPAs, but these are mostly higher gravity, and I obviously have a very small margin of error in the alcohol content department. I finally settled on Heineken. Sitting right at 5.0 percent and pretty bland, I figured a Hiney was perfect for the beer mile. I read that you want the beer to be cool but not ice cold, since colder beer apparently has more carbonation. I got the beer out an hour ahead of time and put it in an iceless cooler, and figured that would work.
Thankfully the Code, who doesn’t drink, agreed to be my designated driver. I assured him the entertainment value of watching me suffer would more than pay him back for the job. Stacy also came along to witness the disaster in the making.
Apparently the spectacle that is the beer mile brought out a lot of people. There were 40 registered but probably double that on hand just to watch. I did a quick informal beer survey, looked like a lot of Bud variations, some Heineken, a left hand milk stout, some wicked weed napoleon complex, and some glutton for punishment with an orange chocolate stout. Jeezus.
Conditions were surprisingly hot, but I didn’t dare drink any water to preserve vital stomach space. Half of our Ville to Ville relay team, CAREBEERS, was on hand with Drew Williams looking for the overall win and Matt McGrievy absolutely rocking the porn stache like only he can. Liz Locke looked to be the early favorite on the women’s side, having traded beer mile wins in Columbia and Charleston with last year’s champ Ashley Hrubala, who was sitting this one out. Derek Hutton, last year’s men’s winner, was nursing an injury and was on spectator duty only, so new champions would be crowned that day. beermile1
Other familiar faces among the competitors included Gena and Caleb Ochal, David Nance, Jessica Weaver, Ian “IT’S LOCK-LIN” Loughlin, Chris Beattie and the RD himself Bobby “dare to wear short shorts” Scott. Trackstar Eddie Crisanto signed up late and was talking smack. I told him he was going down. As noted, there was a large spectating contingent with Mario Alvarez, Jim Williams, Pam Nadolski, Kana Rahman, Matt Havens with an appropriately large RUI entourage, Sheila and Ken Bolin, Jay and Joyce Welch, Kristen Loughlin, the newly minted Mrs. Jenny Nance, also newly minted CRC prez Roy Shelley and of course my designated drivers Code and Stacy Ohrin. Rick Gibbons and Sabrina Gandy were volunteering. Tracy Tisdale / Jedi Runner Photography was on hand to document the event.
Set up was basically a 400 meter track squished onto a 200 meter section in front of Swamp Cabbage. The beer table was in the front of the brewery with turnaround cones 100 meters on both sides. You turn right, round the first set of cones, run all the 200m all way to the second cones, turn around and back to the beer table. We lined up a few meters back from the street for the start, first beer in hand, where I nervously awaited my fate. Goal one was not to puke, which gives you a one lap penalty, and goal two was to break ten minutes. My mile time is around 5:20-5:30 but no way was I sprinting with that much liquid on board, or it would be a 1.25 miler for sure.

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BEER ONE:
With the start, I crack open my first Hiney and start chugging away. I’m thirsty, it’s going down fast, and I’m going to crush this thing. But wait…. why is everyone screaming at me, and WHERE IS EVERYBODY?? Turns out my idea of crushing a beer is also about as weak as a 90 lb freshman sorority girl. As I finish off the last bit of foam I am literally the last person out of the gate. WTF?? I run a little harder than I thought just to get to the back of the pack. I’ve barely started and I can see Drew and McGrievy already making the turn. Man, I suck at this. There’s lots of burps, and I’m still stiff as hell from the Healthy Capital 5k (that morning) and from not really warming up much.
BEER TWO:
After putting on the jets a bit I’m still near the back of the pack when I crash into the beer area again. I almost had to stiff arm some people blocking the table. DO NOT BLOCK THE HINEY FROM THE SASQUATCH. Chugging this time, I try changing the angle of the bottle and holding my breath more. Probably a little faster. Still slow. The run definitely sucks this time with a full slosh effect going on in the belly. I slow it down to about 5k-10k pace, and basically spend the entire lap burping. Slowly making up ground on the pack.
BEER THREE:
Probably as an effect of the 2 pounded beers, this one goes down a lot faster, and feels like I just poured it directly into the roiling stew brewing in my gullet. Feels like I’m running with a milk gallon on my waist, but then again, I’m used to carrying excess weight. Nearing the first cones I see Liz, who has taken it out hard, paying the price with a penalty lap in process. Yuck. Rounding the turn I’m staying with 10k pace. I see Jessie Weaver who looks like she is experiencing a cross of extreme pain or sorrow, or perhaps both. Probably appropriate. I’m having a hard time keeping up the burping until I rip an epic one right in front of my presidential predecessor Rick Gibbons, volunteering at the second cones. “THANKS FOR THAT”. Lol.
BEER FOUR:
Mildly buzzed, beer number four goes down pretty smoothly. With one breath in between chugs, I see Drew coming in for the finish but getting epically blue shoed by a guy with a HTR T shirt. Oof, that was rough. Fourth lap looks like a war zone near the beer area with lots of fresh penalty lap material all around. Trying not to look at it. Especially the subway sub one. Jeezus H, what did that guy eat? Running feels better on the last lap because there are no pukesies to be felt and no more Hiney to be had. I feel pretty good until I see McGrievy on the sideline “good jobbing” me. WTF, he’s already done??? Damn, he almost lapped me. One more pass of the second cones, and I see Alex Wilcox, i.e. the younger, better-looking Alex, and I turn on the blue shoe mojo. I crank it up to full sprint, and pass him just before the finish….as he continues on. I guess he had a penalty lap. Oh well, can’t turn down a good blue shoeing.
9:25 official time. 12th overall out of 41. No pukesies. I’ll take it. Better than having to take a troll poop in the woods under a bridge like last week. I thought I’d be wrecked after this, but I guess the liver manned up and actually processed that quart and a half of macrobrewed swill pretty well. Mild buzz and I felt ok afterward.

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As mentioned, the HTR runner Danny Ferriera smoked Mr. Williams at the finish for the win in 7:31. Drew did get 1st male masters and 2nd in 7:32. The surprise for me was McGrievy. His chug skills are apparently frat boy level, and he was first out of the beer zone almost every time according to the spectators. He was apparently in the overall lead until getting passed twice in the last lap, taking 3rd overall. In the women’s race, Liz had the extended pukesies and the surprise winner was Janie Campbell in 9:14. Triathlete Christina McCarthy took on a fourth discipline and claimed 1st female masters/2nd overall in 10:39. Gena Ochal was 3rd in 11:31.
Notable finishers: Eddie apparently deposited his five dollar footlong on the road and had to suffer the shame of getting beat by the Sasquatch due to his penalty lap. I see Tony Morales in the results and I swear the guy was in high school, but apparently he graduated in 2014, so it’s just my dementia setting in. Loughlin was the chocolate stout dude, which was not only 6+ ABV but 16 ounces, I believe. And he had a post-race beer. I can’t compete with that. Jessie Weaver won the race face category en route to a penalty lapped 15:51, probably never to drink a white zombie ever again.

beermile5
Overall a really fun event and I hope to be back next year. Great job, Bobby Scott, Swamp Cabbage and all the volunteers in putting this on. All photo credits to Jedi Runner Photography / Tracy Tisdale.

Results:

Prosperity Fire Department 5k and True to the Brew 10k double dip – Prosperity/Pomaria/Peak, SC – 3/30/19

Mar31

Having died a thousand deaths in the last leg of the Palmetto 200 with the Van on the Run ultra team, I figured I’d take this week easy. I was signed up for the True to the Brew 10k, but at least it was flat, and hopefully I could throw down a decent time without exerting too much effort. Sadly, the Bunny Hop had moved their date to this weekend, so my tenure as the 7 foot rabbit had to take a hiatus. I was halfway into a week of half-hearted slog jogs and too much tennis when Roy Shelley, the newly “elected” ~~dictator~~ president, of the Columbia Running Club, messaged me. He had a double dip challenge for us, with a time window so small it would probably need 2 cars and possibly some executive favors. As it turned out, the Prosperity Fire Department 5k and 10k were starting their races early, with a 7:30 10k and 7:45 5k. True to the Brew started at 8:30. The races were about 15 minutes apart, give or take, so if you could finish the 5k in well under 25 minutes, hop in the car by 8:10ish, there was about a 5-6 minute cushion to make it to TTTB. As probably the most enthusiastic double dipper in the CRC, how could I refuse??

Probably by exercising good judgement, but I digress. Let me say this, Roy puts way more effort in planning things than I do. Dude sends me an agenda, the USATF race routes, road maps. I’m surprised he didn’t get us a police escort. Speaking of executive privilege, one of the hangups to our plan was the 1 mile shuttle from the parking area to the TTTB start, so we made a plea to Erin Roof for a special parking spot. It seems the Palmetto Conservation Society was being kind of strict, so there was some uncertainty about whether we could get near the start. I figured we would be so late that no one would stop us, but just in case, Pres. Shelley printed out an official “parking pass”. Apparently you can get away with anything if you act like you know what you’re doing.

IMG_9431 (2)_LI.jpg

We had originally planned to meet at the Pomaria ball fields (official TTTB parking) at 6:45 to drop my car off, but typical of my planning style, I called Roy at 6:25 to change it to Peak. TTTB is a point to point race and requires a shuttle to get back to the start, so I figured we might as well use our 2 cars for some good and enable us to leave TTTB at our leisure.

We got to the Prosperity race about 7:05, and actually had to register on site since our plan was hatched so late. We already had the TTTB bibs from early packet pickup, a critical rule of double dipping strategy. I had half-hoped for a trophy hunt at Prosperity. I figured 4 races on the Tour, and this one had both a 5k and a 10k , and it was way out from Columbia. It fit all the Blue Shoes trophy hunting criteria. One snafu though. Apparently there was prize money, so the first thing I see are two local Kenyan guys, Harrison Kirigwi and Norman Maihathi, who decided to split the races and easily take the cash. DOH! Kenzie Riddle was racing for the first time in 2 years in the 5k, and Joy Miller was running the ten. So we had our overall winners set from the start line. Coach B would be racing with me in the 5k for second place. The whole Pearson clan was on hand with Tim, Edy and Tori representing. Ivery Baldwin, Thomas Outlaw, Gretchen Lambert and Tom Lance were some other familiar faces.

At the 5k line, I think the RD saw me taking pics and delayed the start for a minute. Thanks to me, now things were really tight. I took off pretty hard from the gun but my legs were still hating me from the P200. Harrison leaves us all immediately, and at the first turn onto Main St, Kenzie and Mark pass me. This course is super flat, and I think I’m giving a decent effort, but I have zero spring in my step. The police car is guiding Harrison, so they send out a 4 wheeler to be the lead “car” for the mere mortals, which is nice. Mile 1 is like 6:37, a good 20+ seconds off my typical 5k pace. I try not to think about the 10k in my near future, but it definitely sinks in as we hit a long stretch on highway 76. I keep Kenzie and Mark within about 10-20 meters for most of the race. There’s a turn around near the 2 mile mark, and Roy is not too far behind, so hopefully we can jump in the car ASAP. I briefly flirt with pushing in all the chips to try and catch Coach B, but he’s summoning his own kick and I got nuthin. Kenzie is right ahead and I almost catch her with the small hill up to the finish but end up a second behind her. 20:27. Ugly time for sure, but good for 3rd male overall in this trophy hunt. I grab 2 waters from the cooler and Roy comes in a shade under 23 minutes. We both head to the car a sweaty mess and take off, right at 8:10 by my watch. There were a couple of ways we could have gotten to Pomaria, but we decide to go by the Google maps quickest version. Yeah, google maps didn’t adjust for morning 5ks with a bunch of walkers. We end up sitting on 76 staring at someone’s boat trailer for what seems like an eternity. Finally we turn off 76 towards Pomaria, but everyone and their mom is also going that way. As far as the rest of the trip, I would give you details, but per my attorney driver, we “proceeded cautiously, obeying all road signs and observing posted speed limits“. Let’s just say I didn’t need pre-race warmups to get my adrenaline going.

Roy tears into Pomaria, I mean eases into the town center, and as we randomly park. I can hear Erin actually counting down to the start. I jump out of the car, hurdle over some grass, narrowly avoid plowing into Joe Roof , and somehow my Garmin miraculously finds a satellite in my 50 meter dash, as I hit the front of the pack just as the countdown hits zero. MADE IT! YAY!

But there was a price to pay. Apparently Thanos has exacted his infinity stone power on my colon because suddenly I don’t feel so good.

Fifty meters in and I’m already scouting out the woods. Maybe it will pass. Maybe it was just the adrenaline of the start. Maybe if I pick up the pace it will go away. Negative, ghost rider. This was not going to be pretty. First there’s a stretch of woods with barbed wire, then a swamp. Oh dear God. Then it goes away for a bit…then comes back with a vengeance. Finally I come up with the bridge idea. I duck under a bridge at about 2 miles, have to climb down with gimp legs, watch for snakes, make 1000 percent sure there are no potential witnesses and sweet Jesus unspeakable horrors were then committed under that bridge. Thankfully there was also a stream there, also of questionable microbiologic content. I can hear everyone tramping on the bridge overhead, oblivious to the haz mat scene just under their feet. Finally, in what seems like ten minutes, but was actually about 4, I emerge like a enormous dazed troll from under the bridge. And since I have completely blown any TDC points from this race, an enormous, dazed and depressed troll. I feel lighter though definitely with that not so fresh feeling. But there are 4 miles to go and this is not an out and back loop, so I push on. I at least try to maintain around 8 minute pace, because I’m just ready to get this thing done. For those not hampered by a distempered colon, it was a beautiful day on a flat trail through the forest. Just about perfect. I managed to catch up with a bunch of people who were thoroughly confused by my presence. It’s hard to find new ways to politely say I HAD TO TAKE A GIANT DUMP. The last mile or two I started catching some of CRC age groupers, so I picked up the pace to give myself a hell snowball’s chance of age group glory. Of course, I spotted Drew and Nance and Yerg and McGrievy at the start, so these guys were going to have to place and then go three deep masters for me to have a chance. I also forgot that my Garmin was stopped during my off road excursion, so instead of possibly breaking 50 minutes I was closer to 54. Still, there were a couple of middle aged looking dudes in the last mile and I took off , ending in a sprint on the bridge at the finish. Yeah, I should have saved my energy. 53:46, 7th in age group.

The finish line was awesome for this race as usual. There was a good band that actually played at a reasonable volume (as opposed to the occasional race DJs who think they’re at South beach at 3 am), subs, and of course beer, served up by the Craft and Draft guys. Weather was perfect too -70’s and sunny. There was a huge Columbia running club/Harbison Trail Runners/RWB/RUI contingent on hand with Brie and Matt McGrievy, Tracy Tisdale, Bobby Scott, Sabrina Gandy, Ed Aufuldish, Pete O’Boyle, Winston Holliday, Naomi Rabon, Julie McKinnon, Ken and Sheila Bolin, Jen Clyburn, Mike and Pam Griffin, Mackenzie Wilt, Mario Alvarez, Matt Havens, Birte and Jeff Fretwell, Jim Williams, Jeff Longway, Lisa Powell, Ronda Sanders, Mike Ferguson, Renee and Patrick McCormick, Will Rowan, Joe and Janette Robinson, Betsy Long, Teresa Shelton, Lorand Batten, Michael Beaudet, Clara Nance, Lois and Bryan Leaburn, Teresa Harrington, Missy Caughman, Kara Clyburn, Bertha Woehl, Ron Hagell, Chesson Merritt, Maria Pray, Mike and Janice Compton, Sharon Sherbourne, Patti Lowden, Harry Strick, and Shirley Smith. Amazing turnout for a day with so may other races going on.

Prosperity

Overall 5k winners were Harrison Kirigwi in 15:55, Coach B was second with the Sasquatch 3rd. Kenzie won the women’s race, with Stacy Willard and Haley Thomason completing the podium.

5k age groupers were President Roy taking first in the 50-54. Tim Pearson took 3rd in the 55-59 with his new bionic knee.

In the 10k, Norman Maihathi took the win in 39 minutes, with Jon Lawson Cope 2nd and Ivery Baldwin getting third. Nice trophy hunt, Ivery!

10k age groupers: Tori Pearson won the 30-34. Thomas Outlaw (jr) won the 35-39. Gretchen Lambert took 3rd in the 45-49. Tom Lance won the 50-54. Edy Pearson won the 55-59, while Tommy Outlaw took the 60-64.

In the TTTB:

Mike Nance edged Drew Williams for the win in an epic showdown of Team Carebeers (our Ville to Ville relay team for April 13). Jeff Fretwell was 3rd.

Among the women, Birte Fretwell captured her second True to the Brew title after her half marathon win at Croft State Park last year. Sally Singleton and Jessica Weems were 2nd and 3rd.

Mens masters was won by TUS beast Ed Aufuldish, the YERG and Winston Holliday. Colleen Vowles, Jen Clyburn and Naomi Rabon swept female masters.

Female Age groups: Makenzie Wilt was 3rd in the 30-34. Julie “2017 Scrotum of the Year” McKinnon and Brie McGrievy went 1-2 in the 40-44. Tracy “Jedi Runner” Tisdale was 3rd in the 45-49. Lisa Powell was 2nd in the 55-59. Lois Leaburn won the 60-64. Sharon Sherbourne was second in the 65-69. Patti Lowden was tops in the 70+.

Male age groups: Beer mile director Bobby Scott won the 30-34. Matt McGrievy won the 40-44. Ken Bolin and Roy Shelley went 1-2 in the 50-54. Mario Alvarez and Jim Williams took the top 2 spots in the 55-59. Pete O’Boyle and Jeff Longway were 2nd and 3rd in the 60-64. Mike Compton was 65-69 champ, while Ron Hagell won the 70+.

Prosperity Fire Department 5k/10k: https://www.strictlyrunning.com/json/Index_JS_C4.asp?uRaceId=3067

True to the Brew: Pomaria to Peak 10k

https://runsignup.com/Race/Results/53330?fbclid=IwAR1Nj5aiBSVq0L83zNEpLfJmW_G1VH3au_XhM38J8AJxqf35fNbtqwrbYFw#resultSetId-148027;perpage:10

Alex’s true to the POO 10k: https://www.strava.com/activities/2252364070

Alex’s Prosperity 5k: https://www.strava.com/activities/2252362370

Race for the Place 5k – Shandon – Columbia, SC – 2/9/13

Feb13

The Race for the Place is a relatively new 5k (I think in its 4th year) that starts and finishes near St. Joseph’s Catholic Church in Shandon. It benefits St Lawrence Place (the “place” in the name), a shelter for homeless families.

For whatever reason, this race has become super competitive. I think they offer prize money for the top overall winners, but I’m not sure why all the other big dawgs come out for this one. Its on one of the many rectangle Shandon courses that’s pretty flat, so I think a lot of people do this race to try and PR. Last year was particularly nuts, especially for my age group. I ran a 19:19, one of my fastest times at that point, and ended up 15th overall and SEVENTH in age group. Code ran an 18:50 and didnt even place. Derek Gomez ran an 18:35 …and ended up third. And thats just because Becraft took an overall place.

They have cool painted ceramic tiles as age group awards in this race, so I really wanted to place this year, but if 2012 was any indication, I had about zero chance. I did actually cut way back in my miles in the week before the race in an attempt to win back some of the mojo lost at the Red Nose Run. That race sucked for me – just no energy or motivation.

I showed up ridiculously early as I always do. Already, there were plenty of elite types roaming around. Ashton was there to try and repeat his win here last year. OJ Striggles and Justin Bishop were there, though I later learned he was guiding Amy. I was hoping he and Eric might battle it out and push each other to some fast times. Amy and Kenzie showed up to what I thought would be a close battle for the overall female. Team Allers were there fresh off their domination of the 5k and mile at Tybee. The Diesels, Drew Williams, 621 ninjas Shufy Rowe, Mike Hedgecock , Erin Miller and Pete O’Boyle; Hal Ray, Shannon Iriel, Whitney Keen, Eric McMichael, Kristin Schmitz, the Griffins, Gasque, Lisa Smarr, Del Soule, Henry Holt, Mickie Ishizue, Pete Poore, Valerie Selby, Rocky, Patti Lowden, and the Robertsons were some of the familiar faces.

Oh, and don’ t forget Trophy. Trophy reached his peak in 2011 when he broke 20 minutes for the first time…and then he never did it again. Having fallen into Blackjack 5ks in the past few months, the plan for 2013 was to bring back the Mcgaha Magic. I’ve been dragging him through hellish Blue Shoes style workouts like Mt Sesqui/sand hell repeats and hilly 16 milers at 7:30ish pace. Good fun. I give him credit, though. He has definitely put in some work. His goal was to go low 20 in this race, and maybe..just maybe ..reach the beautiful land of the 19’s.

In the past few months I had found an even more wonderful world, that of the 18’s, and I really wanted to get back there. This course was flat and my legs were fresh, so I figured I had a chance. Still, I’ve been fighting off the plague all week, so I was less than 100 percent.

With the start, I tried to hold back some. This worked for about 5 seconds, and I latched on the back of a pack with Drew, Amy, Hedge and Kenzie. In other words, I was already trying to be a hero. Half mile in and it seemed a bit brisk. I could still see the lead car and Ashton hauling ass down Heyward St on the first turn, so I knew this was probably a little too speedy, but sometimes my figurative head is as big as my actual enormous melon. Oh, and apparently the contour of the earth changed from last year, because I’ll be damned if there arent actual hills on this course. No monsters, but enough to subtly beat you down. First mile : 5:54. Apparently my 4 year old and I share the same level of self restraint.

I’m sucking wind already, so I try to step off the throttle just a bit. When I do that, though, I fall off the back of the pack just in front. Kenzie has also fallen off the back so I try and keep up with her. Theyre letting cars behind us already, so at least I feel confident no one is going to come up and Blue Shoe me. Finally we hit the turnaround of the rectangle, and this always gives me a little psychological boost. I round the turn at Hand middle school and actually pass Kenzie. This briefly makes me think I must be throwing down some killer pace, but then the mile comes back only at 6:15. Damn. I know 19 minutes is 6:07 pace, but I cant do the math when my brain is fighting for oxygen to survive. I know I’m almost right on it. I try and kick it in basically the whole last mile. And it hurts..bad. I have got to find a way to run more relaxed, because the main pain seems to be in my arms, probably from holding them like an uptight T-rex for the past 15 minutes. I can see Hedge reeling back in a bit, but he’s holding his pace pretty well. I’m half delirious by the time we hit the home stretch, but they hide the finish behind one last little corner, so I can’t see the clock. Finally I hit that turn and its like 18:48. I blast forth in full ugly race face mode, letting behind all dignity in a desperate lunge for sub 19. I cross the line and collapse in a heap. And Jess tells me I made it, 18:59.3 or something is what I thought I heard.

I’m just wobbling to stand when all of a sudden here comes trophy blasting around the corner with the clock in the 19:50’s. He’s killing it and sure enough…19:57. The sub 20 Trophy is back! Pretty awesome. He was hoping to get there by April but apparently he’s been on a mission. I’m just a little afraid I might be part of that mission.

I ‘m all euphoric until I check the results..19:00???. WTF! Crushed by a fraction of a second. Still, I get 2nd in AG because all of last years 35-39 studs stayed home, except for Drew who took 1st. Since OJ took an overall spot, Trophy not only gets a sub 20 but an age group award too by winning 3rd.

Eric Ashton crushed the field by a minute in a half to take the win. 16 minutes for him is like a stroll. OJ took second in 17:30 and Josh Horn third Amy won the female overall, with Kenzie finishing 2nd on a less than great day for her. Mary Claire Cox finished third to chick Trophy by 2 seconds.

Age groupers included Andy Mikula (1st 25-29), Kristin Schmitz and Jennifer Ward in the 30-34, Erin Miller 1st in the 35-39, Eric Allers and Hedge in the 40-44, Hal Ray , Mike Grffin and Tigs in the 50-54, Pete O’Boyle , Shufy Rowe and Valerie Selby in the 55-59, Alex Ponamarev in the 60-64, Patti Lowden and Sharon Sherbourne in the 60-64, Del Soule and Margaret Holt in the 65-59, and Henry Holt and Rocky Soderberg in the 70+.

http://www.strictlyrunning.com/RESULTS/13RACE4PLACE.TXT

http://connect.garmin.com/activity/271369399