Gobbles the Turkey. I stared at this costume monstrosity for a long time on Amazon in 2019 before pulling the trigger. It included an oversized tail, faux beer-belly like turkey gut, giant wings and a hideous head cap with hanging gobbler. To say it was ugly is a vast understatement. But a dare from Erin and my dedication to duty as part-time GRIT endurance spokesmodel was too great to resist. The Shandon Turkey Trot and Burn unofficial mascot was born.
The Trot and Burn actually is the resurrection of the original Shandon Turkey Trot, which had been a Columbia running fixture for more than 30 years. It used to feature a 8k race and 4k walk/run and featured a psychologically brutal course, since it was 2 loops. But the race started getting overshadowed by the ton of other Thanksgiving races and it started to die off. Fortunately, GRIT moved the event to Black Friday in 2019 and the race has been regaining momentum ever since. The first year had 300ish runners and this year it was just short of 800. Clearly it was all because of my spokesmodeling.
My original thought with the turkey costume in 2019 was just to phone in an easy run, but as it turns out, I have nothing less than 100 percent to give once that bib gets pinned on. The turkey costume is also deceptively run friendly, as it essentially comes down to running in a slightly heavy dress. The legs come out one hole – just hike it up and blast out the speed. The only real pain is the constantly flapping beer belly and the constricting head piece. Somehow, I churned out a 19:06 in the thing back in 2021, which I can’t even do in regular clothes now. In recent years Rob has joined me as an anorexic Santa. I’ve managed to beat him in years past, but just barely, leading to multiple epic holiday costume showdowns on the last drag on Woodrow St.
Fast forward to this year, and things are looking rough for a good turkey time. The Richmond marathon was great but wrecked me for at least a half a week. I could barely walk. Of course, I couldn’t miss the Sleigh Bell Trot on Monday so I had to do that. And there was the 10 miles at Randy’s Thanksgiving Day long run the day before, coupled with an overly aggressive front yard wiffle baseball game at my parents’ house for Thanksgiving. Needless to say, I was feeling less than confident about churning out another fast 5k. But apparently perpetually abusing my body is my favorite thing to do, so let’s go.
I warmed up a little with the world’s skinniest Santa, but the main concern is MAKING SURE I DON’T HAVE TO POOP. I mean that’s always a problem, but figuring out the portapotty logistics in a giant turkey outfit is less than ideal. Luckily my colon appeared to be cooperating.
At the start line, this thing is huge. I couldn’t even see the back of the pack, but I think it had to be diverted into the Shandon Presbyterian parking lot. There were definitely some fast people in this race but I made sure to toe the line for maximum picture exposure. I take my egomania very seriously. The start was a total stampede, and I may or may have not have almost clotheslined Ashley Holman with my wing flapping. This course is a series of Shandon rectangles and is mostly flat, but the Woodrow start is an absolute racetrack. No elevation change and straight as an arrow for a half mile. I feel like I’m going pretty hard, but I’ll be damned if Shannon and Rob/Santa aren’t leaving me for dead right off the bat. I try and settle in a rhythm. Drew and Tracy are at the first turn on Heyward, so more grandiose picture posing ensues. Rounding the corner, we fly down a long decline on Heyward before rising up near Sims street. Mile one in 6:29. Looks like a sub 20 may not be in the cards today. Pretty soon I catch up with Ed Aufuldish and try and surge past. But Fast Eddie is not having it. I try and hang on his coattails while the course turns on to Ott, Duncan and then the turnaround on Bonham right near the old Dry Run (R.I.P.) finish line. Turning back home on Wilmot is a relief because I am definitely sucking wind at this point. It doesn’t help my gobbler keeps rising up and blocking my mouth. Kristin Wallace is on hand to take some pics of his absolutely beautiful scene, with my turkey dress showing my white ass legs and my face half covered. Oh, the sacrifices I make for my performance art.
Mile 2 is in 6:33so it’s going to take an epic kick to pull off the sub 20. But I dream at night of epic kicks, so here goes. Ed is telling me he’s not in 5k shape, and he is post-marathon too, so I manage to slide past him as we turn back on to Heyward. I can see crystal meth Santa ahead but there is no way I can catch him. Ed is still right on my tail too. Turning onto Woodrow for the half mile finish, I make one half-hearted wing flap for Tracy’s video then push in all the kick chips. Near Hand middle, I can just about make out the clock and it’s going to be close for that 19:59. I see Shannon just ahead and I almost think about sparing her the turkey trample, but it’s already too late for that. I catch her about 50 meters out and blast towards the line like it’s the Olympic 100 meter final. BAM. 19:52 by my Garmin. Full on HYC style collapse in the finish chute. I’ll take it. Good enough for 2nd in AG behind Ozempic Santa.
Swag is awesome as usual with Turkey trophies for all the overall/age group winners, plus the all-important group competition with COLUMBIA RUNNING CLUB taking first place (over 50 entrants) ! We got a box of pretzels and a giant turkey pretzel as well from Philly pretzel factory. Epic carb load!
In the men’s overall Mark Kushinka crushed the field with a 16:14 with Liam Jones and Daniel Brown 2nd and 3rd. Fort Mill’s Angeline Kravitz took the women’s win but our own Ashley Holman was 2nd . Beth Walker was 3rd.
Masters: The men’s division was a trio of grandmasters beasts with Robert McBee, Herbert Krabel and Jeff Brandenburg. These guys are all 57 and over and still killing it. Shannon threw down a mean kick and broke 20 to take the women’s masters win, solidifying her 3rd place ranking in the state. Erin Abby and Barbara Brandenburg were 2nd and 3rd.
Age group honor roll women: Lilly Holman won the 11-14. Michaela Willoughby won the 25-29. Sara McFall was 1stin the 35-39 and Korinne Collins was 3rd with a new 5k PR! Amy Magee was 1st and Megan Duffy was 3rd in the 40-44. Stephanie Fischer, Shenequa Coles and Angie Thames swept the 50-54. Joyce Welch and Lynda Leonardi were 1-2 in the 55-59. Melody Kreiling and Lisa Powell went 1-2 in the 60-64, while Carol Wallace and Beverly Breuer did the same in the 65-69. Kathy Paget won the 75-79.
Age group honor roll men: Finn Jaworek was tops in the 1-10. Parker Roof was 2nd in the 20-24. Regan Freeman and David Chen were 1-2 in the 25-29. Wesley Sawyer and Jonathan McFall were 2nd and 3rd in the 35-39. Yerg, the turkey and Michael Beets won the 45-49. Ed Aufuldish, Frank Seier and Randy Hrechko swept the 55-59. Phil Smith and Jeff Radenbaugh went 1-3 in the 60-64. Jerry Rich and Leeds Barroll were 1-2 in the 70-74. Alex Ponomarev and Richard Wright were 2-3 in the 75-79. Jesse Smarr was 3rd in the 80 plus!
Notable finishers:
Eric Gilfus, Joey and Gabby Swearingen, Antjuan Seawright, Patrick Hall, The Outlaw family, The Fischer family, Ashleigh Carpenter, Merritt McNeely, Bertha woehl, The Homeyer family, Kana Rahman, Missy Caughman, Michael Beaudet, Lynn Ann Sawyer, Penny Leitner, Roy and Riana Shelley, Pam Griffin, Jessalyn Smith, Teresa Harrington, April Joyner, Melinda Waldrop, Gretchen Lambert, Pete Poore, Heather Hawn, Dawn Fellers, Cassidy Carter, Nicole Charlton, Kelly Hynes, Ron Hagell, Tee Coker, Stevie Dee Dukes, Heather Herndon, Kristin and Poppy Laughlin, Margie Shelburg, Amy Hildreth, Simon Krabel, Michelle Edmundson, Kerry Stubbs. Sorry to those I missed!
Tour de Blue Shoes 