The True to the Brew 5k is a brand-new race that’s been added to the existing TTTB series to promote the Palmetto Trail in South Carolina. The existing races include the original 10k on the Peak to Pomaria segment and the half marathon in Croft State park in Spartanburg. The TTTB 5k was devised to highlight the Capital City part of the PT, which runs through the heart of downtown Columbia, including the Riverfront, Laurel, Main, Sumter and Wheat streets.  GRIT director Erin Roof, in the planning stages of this project, had asked me for some potential routes, provided they start/end at the PT headquarters on King Street and utilize some part of the trail. I devised what I thought was a really unique 5 miler that wrapped around the State house and came back. It sounds cool on paper, but in retrospect the Blue Shoes Hilly AF 5 miler from hell with several hundred feet of elevation gain and multiple major road crossings was probably not the best option. As it turns out, my tastes are not for everyone. Just ask my Sunday morning crew and their always ill-fated decision to have me lead. I will find every miserable hill in this city if allowed. This is the way.

Luckily for you, GRIT and PT exec director Mary Roe decided on a rectangle in Shandon that was considerably more pleasant to run. It does utilize the Wheat Street section and most importantly the PT headquarters, where the afterparty was to be held. If free beer and burgers are involved, then you don’t have to twist my arm to show up.  I arrived my standard hour in advance and found myself parking in front of what must have been some wild bro party on Lee St. the night before, since there were still a few douchey guys out front amped up on presumably red bull and vodka, +/- some nose candy. There was a lot of woooooing and I decided to avoid eye contact. My legs were still kind of trashed from the Dam to Dam relay the week before, and I did a couple miles of warmup with Silent H and Drew Williams, along with spectators Hicks and Joyce. Luckily there were ample portapotties since my colon kept talking to me for additional encore performances. Temps were warmish but not too bad, low 60s, with some wind. 

Start line was on King Street out in front of the PT headquarters. A quick look around was notable for no super elites on the men’s or women’s side. Nobody seemed to be paying attention to the photographer, so I made sure to pose in my new olive green Stitch Fix race shirt, which is long enough to cover my freakish torso and first trimester food baby. If Sarah has moved on from pageants, then someone has to be the diva. I couldn’t tell who was winning this race for the guys, but it seemed pretty clear Shannon had it in the bag for the ladies, though her pre-race fall made her look like she got in a fight with the pavement. But hey, If you’re bleeding, it does add to the bad-ass intimidation factor. GRIT family Parker Roof seemed to be the favorite to win the overall, though there were a couple of teens and a fit-looking masters dude in a singlet that might crash his trophy hunt.

The start was less chaotic with the non-elite field, but apparently, I must have gotten a contact high from the frat bros because I was going hard as a MF for some reason. Drew told me he was glad I was in a different AG now, but I had to inform him, at 5:30ish pace, that I was still 49 until Monday. Grandmasters will have to wait until next week. We turn on Wheat and I try to rein in the effort a bit, because I’m breathing way too hard out of the gates. Up ahead is Parker and masters singlet dude and one other young guy. The pace car is right there so between that, my giant ego and Drew’s elephant footclomps behind me, I am probably not backing off sufficiently. Sure enough, mile 1 (Wheat and Ravenel corner) comes back in 6:06. Yikes. But then giant ego brain convinces me that maybe, just maybe, I’m in that kind of shape now. It should be noted that I run 99 out of 100 5ks with negative splits, so this was not my usual.            

We make the turnround on Prospect and it’s a relief to at least be heading back towards home. It feels like I’ve put a gap on the field behind me and so it’s basically just me and Parker out for a run in Shandon. There’s a nice downhill drift on Monroe for a while, but there’s also a headwind, which doesn’t bode well for my less than aerodynamic physique. Mile 2 comes back in 6:11, which would be exciting, since it’s only a few seconds off sub-19 pace. Unfortunately, the cocaine-like push at the start is beginning to exact its toll. And bad. There are hardly any hills to speak of on this route but somehow just the slightest inclines start to feel like Marlboro St on Sunday mornings. I’m really struggling, and I even start doing mental math as to how much WALKING I could do and still keep my position. But I have no idea how much distance I have on the field, and then here comes Tracy taking pics. OMG, I would never hear the end of it catching the walksies in a JEDI photo. So I soldier on, despite the fact I’m ready to give birth to my lungs through my chest. At the turn onto King, I see Parker look back and I know he’s having nightmares of a pasty almost-50-year old chunky boy take his ass down in front of literally his whole family. And while I would relish the chance to exact such unbearable shame, my body is adamantly vetoing that idea. The wheels are falling off and I am sucking wind like there’s no tomorrow. Just wrecked. Luckily, I can make out the finish from forever away, which gives me a goal, but man, there is no blue shoe kick today.  I even have to back it off a couple of times so the brain in the giant melon head can get enough oxygen. Parker avoids disaster and crosses the line right at 19:00, while I muster the last bit of effort to crash across the finish in 19:17, complete with an HYC style collapse in front of PT headquarters.  OK, so that was not the best strategy. But the time isn’t too far off from the 19:10 at Run for the Saints when it was 40 degrees colder. I’ll take it.

Post race party was even better than I thought – burgers (meat and black bean), hot dogs, chicken salad sandwiches, chips and of course free Palmetto trail beer. Craft and Draft was also selling some additional brews. Awards were steel growlers for overall and masters, and because fit masters singlet guy took 2^nd, I got to revel at the top of the podium for my masters “win”.  Hey, I’ll take what I can get. And a new chapter of grandmaster Blue Shoes starts this week. Watch out, fellow AARP members. 

In the overall, Douglas Nover took the win in 17:38, with “fit masters dude” Craig Wiltshire taking 2^nd in his first sub 18, 17:51. Nice work, Craig. Parker took 3^rd in 19 flat. Not surprisingly, Shannon took home the women’s win in 20:39. Not too shabby for 52, especially after getting your ass kicked by the asphalt. What was surprising was Korinne Collins taking TWO MINUTES off her 5k PR to claim 2^nd in 21:33. WHO DOES THAT?  Absolutely incredible. Though I will note she has followed my Sunday morning hill nightmares on multiple occasions, so this is her reward. Sellers Valimohamed continues her comeback to racing with a 3^rd overall finish in 22:44.

In the female masters division, Courtney Givens took first in 22:58, while ageless CRC legend Melody Kreiling placing 2^nd. Krystle Gregory from Summerville was 3^rd.  Male masters was won by an olive green menace named Alex McDonald, with Drew Williams and Jeffrey Campbell third, all under 20 minutes. Middle aged men are brutal.

Age group honor roll: In the 11-14, Hayden Hall took 1^stplace while Lauren Carpenter won 2^nd in the 15-19. Michaela Willoughby was third in the 25-29. Meredith Frye was 2^nd in the 30-34. Ashleigh Carpenter was 2^nd in the 40-44 women, while Marty Wentzel and Adam Fisher were 2-3 among the men. Brie McGrievy was 2^nd in the 45-49 women. Micah Simonsen was 1^st and Jon Baysden 3rd among the men. Amanda Lyons and Kana Rahman went 1-2 in the 50-54. The 55-59 group featured Lynda Leonardi and Sara Wilcox topping the women’s division and Randall “SILENT H” Hrechko and president Roy Shelley winning the men’s division. Phil Smith captured the 60-64 men’s crown while Pam Griffin and Lisa Powell went 2-3 among the women. Beverly Breuer, Mary Cassidy and Lisa Smarr swept the 65-69 women’s podium, while George Cassidy, Jerry Rich and Pete Poore did the same among the 70-74 men. Martha Aultman and Brigitte Smith were 1-2 in the 75+ women while Alex Ponomarev and Ken Lowden claimed the top two spots among the men. 

Other notable finishers (I tried my best to include everyone, let me know if I missed anybody, also would love to meet new CRC members) : Patrick Hall (whose Dog Daze company also sponsored the race), Ted and Anna Hewitt, Webster Lyons, Violet Beets, Katherine Meyers, Bertha Woehl, Leighton McClendon, Sarah Soltau, Joanna Holden, Missy Caughman, Deana Rennick, uiGretchen Lambert, Shiela Bolin, Clara Beaudet, Teresa Harrington, Lois Leaburn, Makenzie Wilt, Harry Strick, Maria Pray, Traci Smith, Andrea Bowman, Kristin Wallace, Karen Vidra-Zug, Dianne Steadman, Heather Herndon, Dianne Freeman, Jonathan Kozar and Sara Kozar.