Nightmare in Elmwood 5k – Columbia, SC – 10/25/25

The Nightmare in Elmwood 5k started up in 2022 to benefit the Elmwood Park Neighborhood Association, and it’s already a Blue Shoes favorite. I mean, I already love racing in costumesfor any reason, and this event actually encourages it, so what’s not to love?

Of course, the key question is WHAT COSTUME? After finding my favorite outfit of all time last year, William Wallace of Braveheart, I had to find something that was at least almost as good. I spent a ridiculously long time researching costumes for this year. The ideal costume is at least somewhat runnable, but most of the best outfits are questionable in their friendliness towards blasting out a quick 5k. I mean I have a great “Duke from Bridgerton” costume, but damned if I’m going to haul ass in 18th century British formalwear. After I scrolled through a few hundred outfits, I found it: Luke Skywalker training with Yoda in a backpack.

I mean a) it’s from one of my favorite childhood movies (Return of the Jedi) b) Luke is actually running and training in this outfit in the movie c) everyone loves Star Wars and d) my kids favorite youtube video of all time is Bad Lip Reading’s version of the Luke-Yoda scene. I’ve probably seen it a hundred times. PERFECT.

https://youtu.be/U9t-slLl30E?si=6qCcx-hpUllpjr3W

Less than perfect, on top of the ridiculous price, was when I finally got the costume a week later. It involved multi-stepinstructions, and I basically had to build a Yoda supported by metal rods. Initially, it looked like Yoda had received blunt trauma to the head, so I had to carefully pack his “brain” with enough plastic so it would fill out his rubber cranium. All the metal wasn’t exactly light either. Plus, despite the weight and expense of the thing, the backpack straps holding it together looked like something that might be on a preschooler’s hello kitty bookbag. I was definitely going to have to find a better way to secure this thing. Luckily, tying strategically placed knots seemed to hold it in place. At least I hoped. It wasn’t like I was going to test run this thing out in the neighborhood. They already think I’m nuts for running in every conceivable weather condition. The NextDoor Karens would definitely be posting about rubber Yodas.

So, my maiden run would have to be on race day. I got there an hour early, and the primary parking lot was already full. Dang, this race has gotten popular. Fortunately, it was pretty cold ,maybe high 40s, so running in my long Luke pants wouldn’t be too awful. I did a quick quarter mile warmup. It felt like it might be a little bouncy with the backpack, and maybe some arm chafing and…CLANK. I look back, and while Yoda’s cranium was intact, he had now endured massive spinal trauma. As in,his head had basically fallen off. DAMMIT THIS CAN’T HAPPEN. Fortunately, I was able to perform roadside jedi master neurosurgery by slamming Yoda’s head into his neck post. I think it clicked. Crisis averted. I can only imagine what I looked like to any bystanders. Later, Roy joined me for some more warmup miles. I soon realized I was already chafing on my shoulders and President Shelley offered me some of his Body glide. Again, I can’t imagine the visual of two men lubing up the arms and backpack of a giant Luke Skywalker and rubber Yoda. Talk about a nightmare.

At the start, there’s a crazy amount of people and costumes. Erin said there was like 700 signed up. That’s nuts for the fourth year of a race. It looked like quite a few fast people up near the front including Douglas Nover and Michael Visser doing a double dip with Go Leo Go 5k earlier that morning. (I later found out that Douglas, Margie Shelburg, Ashleigh Carpenter and Lauren Carpenter all TRIPLE dipped with the Law Dog run that night – wow.) Shawanna (dressed as Amy Rose from Sonic the Hedgehog) and Ashley Graham (as Rumi from Kpop Demon Hunters) were sure to battle it out for the women’s title.Unfortunately I was not cool enough to know who either of these characters were, though the costumes were amazing.While I was fairly certain my costume would be a challenge, it was nothing compared to Heather Hawn’s inflatable green alien or Andy Mikula’s inflatable Gizmo (from Gremlins). Those things are difficult to see out of much less run in.

As per usual, everyone takes off like a bat out of hell at the start. Especially when you turn onto Park Street and plummet down a mountain. I wonder how many of these guys know you have toclimb this mountain at the end? I was just trying to remain upright since Yoda was bouncing all over the place and I was afraid of him, or possibly me, breaking my neck. As soon as you hit the bottom of the hill you end up coming back up on Lincoln and weave your way through the Elmwood neighborhood. I have to say the Elmwood people go all out for Halloween. Most of the houses are decorated to the hilt and the crowd support is amazing for a local 5k. Eventually, you get dumped out right near the Elmwood street overpass and, fittingly, head to the cemetery entrance.

PICS from JP PHOTOGRAPHY, Montages assembled by Tracy Tisdale in the Columbia Running Club newsletter.

I was feeling decent about my costume pace (7:30) until I saw I was getting my ass beat by a giant pickle (Micah Simonsen). Fortunately, the course is mostly level in the middle with an out and back on the paved trail to Finley Park. Yoda is finally staying put and I’m able to ramp up the speed some. I struggle a little with a middle-aged looking Richard Simmons and manage to pass him. I figure masters is probably out of my reach, but hopefully I can score an age group.

Not sure if the temperature had risen a lot since my arrival, but the Luke pants are killing me by this point. The turnaround at the park feels good to be headed back home, plus, you get to see the whole field behind you, which is fun. Mile 2 was slightly faster in 7:11, with the marker just before you hit the Elmwood overpass again. Luckily you get to skip the cemetery out-and-back coming home. I’m feeling pretty good at this point, so I try and kick it in some in the last mile. I sidle up next to some young dude, who realizes it’s an old fat man with a yoda pack, and he surges back ahead.

OK, bro, we will see. Sure enough, we make that next-to-last turn onto Park and hit that killer hill. It’s short, but really steep. I punch it in to full kick mode and leave the kid behind. I hadn’t been going that hard before but now I’m holding on to my backpack for dear life, Yoda’s neurologic integrity be damned. One last turn and I blast out whatever I had left, making sure I posed for the photographer of course. Kicked through the finish in 22:26. A few seconds later the kid comes through and deposits his breakfast next to me on a tree. Nothing like the shame of getting beaten by a 50-year-oldchunky costumed dude AND getting the post-race pukes. I loved it, because I am a terrible person. I missed masters thanks to the Yerg and Pickle boy but I was able to pick up 1st in age group. Plus, I got one of the popcorn bags for top costumes. Given that I’m in the middle of JFK 50 training, and my general tendency towards gluttony, I’ll probably eat it all myself.

In the overall, Dr Mark Kushinka took the win in 17:30 over Ryan Schaffer and Demetris McCray – all under 18 minutes. In the women’s race, Ashley Graham took home the win in 19:34 with Lizzie Bird 2nd and Shawanna White 3rd. Women’s masters top 3 (with Shawanna going to overall) was Ronda Sanders, Lindsay Nimmo and Kelly Cox. Rob Yerger, Wes Sawyer and Micah Simonsen took the male masters podium.

Age group honor roll, women: Hayden Hall and Lauren Carpenter (purple m&m) were 2nd and 3rd in the 15-19. Michaela Willoughby won the 25-29. Meredith Frye won the 30-34. Korinne Collins (blue crayon) was 1st and Lucretia Collins (skeleton) were 1st and 3rd in the 35-39. Ashleigh Carpenter(green m&m) was 2nd in the 40-44. Katharine Myers won the 45-49. Rita Hipp and Joanna Holden were 1-2 in the 50-54. Lynda Leonardi was 2nd and Sara Wilcox 3rd in the 55-59. Rosa Creech was 3rd in the 60-64. Mary Cassidy on the 65-69. Helene Lipe, Eileen Korpita and Diane Freeman won the 70-74/.

Age group honor roll, men: Douglas Nover was 1st and Michael Visser (Sonic) 3rd in a brutally competitive 25-29. Jeffrey Campbell and Jon Baysden were top 2 in the 45-49. Brett Looker (Richard Simmons) and Michael Smyrl were 2-3 in the 50-54. Roy Shelley won the 55-59. Joey Swearingen, Phil Smith and Son Nguyen swept the 60-64. Lorand Batten was 3rd in the 65-69. George Cassidy and Jerry Rich were 1st and 3rd in the 70-74, and Ron Hagell and Rich Wright took top 2 in the 75+.

Other notable finishers:

Betsy Theriot, Bruce Edmonds (Kenny Powers) , Marty Wentzel, Jonathan Kozer, Amanda Smyrl, Mary Kate Korpita, Todd Derrick, Stephanie Hauser, Marcus Cunningham (Dr. Robotnik), Sarah Soltau (black cat), Kana Rahman (yellow crayon), Makenzie Wilt, Clara Beaudet (batgirl), Michael Beaudet, Gabriella Swearingen, Wendy Homeyer, Missy Caughman, Deana Rennick (strawberry shortcake), Melinda Waldrop, Stephanie Mosher, Cassidy Carter (avocado) , Andy Mikula (Gizmo), Pete Poore, Jenny Schneider (orange m&m), Ted Creech, Nicki Charlton (evil minion), Rosa Creech , Jennifer Reeves, Ron Lipe, Heather Herndon, Margie Shelburg and Kerry Stubbs.

PICS from JP PHOTOGRAPHY, Montages assembled by Tracy Tisdale in the Columbia Running Club newsletter.

Rosewood Crawdaddy Dash – Columbia, SC – 5/3/25

May10

The Crawdaddy Dash is associated with the Rosewood Crawfish Festival, an event put on by the Rosewood Merchants Association to raise money for their group and the neighborhood in general. The Dash is a rarity – a zombie race resurrected from the dead. It got its start in the early 2010s and lasted for several years. This was my favorite era of the festival, featuring washed up 90s bands reliving their glory years. Also good for aging middle-aged dads doing the same. I may or may not have been drunkly fangirling Everclear in the first row in 2015. But the race kind of petered out and died around 2019. Luckily, Erin Roof and GRIT came along to conjure the ghosts of 5ks past and the new Dash restarted in 2024. The course was the same and the start/finish (and Friday packet pickup) was at the Hunter Gatherer Hangar, so what wasn’t to love? I was asked to revive the infamous crawdaddy boxers, my “costume” from the early years of the race. Jury is still out whether they promote the race or drive people away.

Last year’s revival was a success, but I was concerned about this year, as there were literally five Tour de Columbia races on the same day. Luckily, between CRC single and double dippers and some advertising, the event still had about 350 registered. Not too shabby. Must’ve been the boxers, obviously.

2017ish

2018

I showed up to the race my typical hour in advance and briefly considered pulling an entitled parking spot, but the shame from True to the Brew was still fresh. No hi-vis vest guys, but I figured City Roots or somebody might have my car towed. So I hoofed it from Memorial Stadium a (gasp) quarter mile away. I still tried to negotiate a prime memorial stadium toilet, but it appeared the powers-that-be knew intrepid poopers would be on the loose. The place was locked up tight. Oh well, still plenty of portapotties at the actual start/finish. I had opted for the race shirt to go with my boxers, but again I had failed to look at the weather. Almost 70 degrees and humid. I considered changing into a singlet, but I couldn’t deny the perfect color coordination of the boxer crawdads and the race shirt. Alas, I must suffer for my art.

Melinda’s photo with Deana

After carpet bombing the portapotty, I surveyed the field. Looked like a pretty fast group. Much to my masters and age group chagrin, bionic 45-year-old David Abel and veteran 49 year old beast Phil Midden were there, likely detonating any chance I had at a masters trophy. Of course, even my age group was questionable, since my gimpy knee has trashed the last two months of training. At least March had aged me up to 50 so now my competition was a little easier.

Credit: JP photography

After multiple start line selfies for full effect, we were off. This race is all about navigating the first mile. It’s almost all uphill, though it sets you up for a gloriously downhill second mile and fairly flat third. Coming out of the blocks, my knee is still a little tight, so I debate back and forth whether to mail this one in or go all out. I kind of split the difference and choose something comfortably hard. The climb to Rosewood is no joke, especially that little bump as you turn left on Holly in front of the park. The rest of the way up is fairly shady and I reminisce about the one Rosewood house with the wonderful “herbal” parties of 1995. Ah, memories.. I get knocked back into reality as we hit Rosewood and back out into the blazing sun. At least it’s flat. I hit mile 1 in 7:05, which is about a minute off what I’d like to be doing, but it’s been a fat boy spring. Rosewood is flattish to downhill, but the real roller coaster begins on Ott. It’s just a freefall all the way to Owens field. I turn to my gravitational advantage and start my butt rolling down the mountain. I had been chasing Artis, but now I’m gaining on him and yep, he’s getting passed again. I live rent free in Mr. Love’s head, and I just renewed the lease. Mile 2 is just before the Live Oak rd. cross street, 6:40ish split. I feel ok at this point and the knee is loose, but Ott bottoms out at Jim Hamilton Blvd for that long stretch to the finish. While it looks fairly flat, it is slightly uphill, and that sun is out with a vengeance. Any good vibes of mile 2 go out the window pretty quickly. I can see the YERG up ahead and I try to mount a chase. Pace is getting hotter but so is the oven that is this cotton race shirt. Damn my exquisite fashion sense. I try to blast a blue shoes kick but my gimp legs and food baby belly are vetoing that decision. Comfortably hard becomes headless chicken pretty fast though as I make the turn and still see the 20s on the clock. Alas, it is not to be. All the years of teasing Tyler McGaha (where are you, Tyler??) about his “blackjack” 5ks comes back to haunt me. The house wins, and I go over – 21:02. But hey, the knee feels ok and I’m in one piece, so I will take it. Luckily David and Phil are so damn fast they placed 2nd and 3rd overall, leaving the rest of us for masters scraps. I got 2nd behind the Yerg, so happy with that. The overall/masters awards are super nice crawdad stenciled pottery plates made by Jessica Hall, wife of Pat. Thanks, Jessica!

Overall/masters trophy

In the male overall, Jamie Sires took the win in 16:42 over masters beasts David Abel (17:10) and Phil Midden (18:05). Ashley Graham took the women’s win in 19:46, with Sierra Jaeger 2^nd and Emily Hernandez 3^rd. In female masters, Nikki Barthelemy took the win with Rebecca Goings 2^nd and the ageless Carol Wallace 3^rd. In male masters, Robert Yerger was the champion.

Female age group honor roll: Julia Ghering was 2^nd in the 25-29. Sarah Carroway was tops in the 35-39. Lauren Duck was champion of the 40-44. Brie McGrievy won the 45-49, while Deana Rennick and Melinda Waldrop went 1-3 in the 50-54. Coleen Strasburger told me she was number 1 at the finish and indeed claimed the 60-64. Beverly Breuer, Margaret Ghering (Julia’s mom) and Diane Freeman claimed the 65-69 podium. Martha Aultman won the 75+ with her dog in tow.

Male age group honor roll: Regan Freeman was 2^nd in the 25-29, with Bruce Edmonds 3^rd. Artis Love finished 3^rd in the 30-34. Nic Collins was champion of the 40-44. Jon Baysden and Pat Hall were top 2 in the 45-49. Ivery Baldwin was 2^nd in the 50-54. Leighton McClendon took 3rd in the 55-59. Clay Ham and Jeff Radenbaugh were1-3 in the 60-64. Luther Kemmerlin won the 70-74, and Ron Hagell and Rich Wright were top 2 in the 75+.

Other notable finishers: Pavel Mosneaguta, Phil Smith, Stefanie Hauser, Makenzie Wilt, Kelly Danias, Stevie Dee Dukes, Cassidy Carter, Sellers Valimohamed, Waverly Duck and Tee Coker.

Gallery below by JP Photography

True to the Brew 5k – Columbia, SC – 3/1/25

Mar7

The True to the Brew 5k is a brand-new race that’s been added to the existing TTTB series to promote the Palmetto Trail in South Carolina. The existing races include the original 10k on the Peak to Pomaria segment and the half marathon in Croft State park in Spartanburg. The TTTB 5k was devised to highlight the Capital City part of the PT, which runs through the heart of downtown Columbia, including the Riverfront, Laurel, Main, Sumter and Wheat streets. GRIT director Erin Roof, in the planning stages of this project, had asked me for some potential routes, provided they start/end at the PT headquarters on King Street and utilize some part of the trail. I devised what I thought was a really unique 5 miler that wrapped around the State house and came back. It sounds cool on paper, but in retrospect the Blue Shoes Hilly AF 5 miler from hell with several hundred feet of elevation gain and multiple major road crossings was probably not the best option. As it turns out, my tastes are not for everyone. Just ask my Sunday morning crew and their always ill-fated decision to have me lead. I will find every miserable hill in this city if allowed. This is the way.

Luckily for you, GRIT and PT exec director Mary Roe decided on a rectangle in Shandon that was considerably more pleasant to run. It does utilize the Wheat Street section and most importantly the PT headquarters, where the afterparty was to be held. If free beer and burgers are involved, then you don’t have to twist my arm to show up. I arrived my standard hour in advance and found myself parking in front of what must have been some wild bro party on Lee St. the night before, since there were still a few douchey guys out front amped up on presumably red bull and vodka, +/- some nose candy. There was a lot of woooooing and I decided to avoid eye contact. My legs were still kind of trashed from the Dam to Dam relay the week before, and I did a couple miles of warmup with Silent H and Drew Williams, along with spectators Hicks and Joyce. Luckily there were ample portapotties since my colon kept talking to me for additional encore performances. Temps were warmish but not too bad, low 60s, with some wind.

Always finding the camera

Start line was on King Street out in front of the PT headquarters. A quick look around was notable for no super elites on the men’s or women’s side. Nobody seemed to be paying attention to the photographer, so I made sure to pose in my new olive green Stitch Fix race shirt, which is long enough to cover my freakish torso and first trimester food baby. If Sarah has moved on from pageants, then someone has to be the diva. I couldn’t tell who was winning this race for the guys, but it seemed pretty clear Shannon had it in the bag for the ladies, though her pre-race fall made her look like she got in a fight with the pavement. But hey, If you’re bleeding, it does add to the bad-ass intimidation factor. GRIT family Parker Roof seemed to be the favorite to win the overall, though there were a couple of teens and a fit-looking masters dude in a singlet that might crash his trophy hunt.

The start was less chaotic with the non-elite field, but apparently, I must have gotten a contact high from the frat bros because I was going hard as a MF for some reason. Drew told me he was glad I was in a different AG now, but I had to inform him, at 5:30ish pace, that I was still 49 until Monday. Grandmasters will have to wait until next week. We turn on Wheat and I try to rein in the effort a bit, because I’m breathing way too hard out of the gates. Up ahead is Parker and masters singlet dude and one other young guy. The pace car is right there so between that, my giant ego and Drew’s elephant footclomps behind me, I am probably not backing off sufficiently. Sure enough, mile 1 (Wheat and Ravenel corner) comes back in 6:06. Yikes. But then giant ego brain convinces me that maybe, just maybe, I’m in that kind of shape now. It should be noted that I run 99 out of 100 5ks with negative splits, so this was not my usual.

JEDI runner pics from mile 2.5

We make the turnround on Prospect and it’s a relief to at least be heading back towards home. It feels like I’ve put a gap on the field behind me and so it’s basically just me and Parker out for a run in Shandon. There’s a nice downhill drift on Monroe for a while, but there’s also a headwind, which doesn’t bode well for my less than aerodynamic physique. Mile 2 comes back in 6:11, which would be exciting, since it’s only a few seconds off sub-19 pace. Unfortunately, the cocaine-like push at the start is beginning to exact its toll. And bad. There are hardly any hills to speak of on this route but somehow just the slightest inclines start to feel like Marlboro St on Sunday mornings. I’m really struggling, and I even start doing mental math as to how much WALKING I could do and still keep my position. But I have no idea how much distance I have on the field, and then here comes Tracy taking pics. OMG, I would never hear the end of it catching the walksies in a JEDI photo. So I soldier on, despite the fact I’m ready to give birth to my lungs through my chest. At the turn onto King, I see Parker look back and I know he’s having nightmares of a pasty almost-50-year old chunky boy take his ass down in front of literally his whole family. And while I would relish the chance to exact such unbearable shame, my body is adamantly vetoing that idea. The wheels are falling off and I am sucking wind like there’s no tomorrow. Just wrecked. Luckily, I can make out the finish from forever away, which gives me a goal, but man, there is no blue shoe kick today. I even have to back it off a couple of times so the brain in the giant melon head can get enough oxygen. Parker avoids disaster and crosses the line right at 19:00, while I muster the last bit of effort to crash across the finish in 19:17, complete with an HYC style collapse in front of PT headquarters. OK, so that was not the best strategy. But the time isn’t too far off from the 19:10 at Run for the Saints when it was 40 degrees colder. I’ll take it.

Running on empty

Post race party was even better than I thought – burgers (meat and black bean), hot dogs, chicken salad sandwiches, chips and of course free Palmetto trail beer. Craft and Draft was also selling some additional brews. Awards were steel growlers for overall and masters, and because fit masters singlet guy took 2^nd, I got to revel at the top of the podium for my masters “win”. Hey, I’ll take what I can get. And a new chapter of grandmaster Blue Shoes starts this week. Watch out, fellow AARP members.

COLUMBIA RUNNING CLUB GROUP PIC (Calico photography)

In the overall, Douglas Nover took the win in 17:38, with “fit masters dude” Craig Wiltshire taking 2^nd in his first sub 18, 17:51. Nice work, Craig. Parker took 3^rd in 19 flat. Not surprisingly, Shannon took home the women’s win in 20:39. Not too shabby for 52, especially after getting your ass kicked by the asphalt. What was surprising was Korinne Collins taking TWO MINUTES off her 5k PR to claim 2^nd in 21:33. WHO DOES THAT? Absolutely incredible. Though I will note she has followed my Sunday morning hill nightmares on multiple occasions, so this is her reward. Sellers Valimohamed continues her comeback to racing with a 3^rd overall finish in 22:44.

In the female masters division, Courtney Givens took first in 22:58, while ageless CRC legend Melody Kreiling placing 2^nd. Krystle Gregory from Summerville was 3^rd. Male masters was won by an olive green menace named Alex McDonald, with Drew Williams and Jeffrey Campbell third, all under 20 minutes. Middle aged men are brutal.

Age group honor roll: In the 11-14, Hayden Hall took 1^stplace while Lauren Carpenter won 2^nd in the 15-19. Michaela Willoughby was third in the 25-29. Meredith Frye was 2^nd in the 30-34. Ashleigh Carpenter was 2^nd in the 40-44 women, while Marty Wentzel and Adam Fisher were 2-3 among the men. Brie McGrievy was 2^nd in the 45-49 women. Micah Simonsen was 1^st and Jon Baysden 3rd among the men. Amanda Lyons and Kana Rahman went 1-2 in the 50-54. The 55-59 group featured Lynda Leonardi and Sara Wilcox topping the women’s division and Randall “SILENT H” Hrechko and president Roy Shelley winning the men’s division. Phil Smith captured the 60-64 men’s crown while Pam Griffin and Lisa Powell went 2-3 among the women. Beverly Breuer, Mary Cassidy and Lisa Smarr swept the 65-69 women’s podium, while George Cassidy, Jerry Rich and Pete Poore did the same among the 70-74 men. Martha Aultman and Brigitte Smith were 1-2 in the 75+ women while Alex Ponomarev and Ken Lowden claimed the top two spots among the men.

Other notable finishers (I tried my best to include everyone, let me know if I missed anybody, also would love to meet new CRC members) : Patrick Hall (whose Dog Daze company also sponsored the race), Ted and Anna Hewitt, Webster Lyons, Violet Beets, Katherine Meyers, Bertha Woehl, Leighton McClendon, Sarah Soltau, Joanna Holden, Missy Caughman, Deana Rennick, uiGretchen Lambert, Shiela Bolin, Clara Beaudet, Teresa Harrington, Lois Leaburn, Makenzie Wilt, Harry Strick, Maria Pray, Traci Smith, Andrea Bowman, Kristin Wallace, Karen Vidra-Zug, Dianne Steadman, Heather Herndon, Dianne Freeman, Jonathan Kozar and Sara Kozar.

Calico photography /montage from Tracy Tisdale/CRC newsletter

Shandon Turkey Trot and Burn 5k – Columbia, SC – 11/29/24

Dec5

Gobbles the Turkey. I stared at this costume monstrosity for a long time on Amazon in 2019 before pulling the trigger. It included an oversized tail, faux beer-belly like turkey gut, giant wings and a hideous head cap with hanging gobbler. To say it was ugly is a vast understatement. But a dare from Erin and my dedication to duty as part-time GRIT endurance spokesmodel was too great to resist. The Shandon Turkey Trot and Burn unofficial mascot was born.

The Trot and Burn actually is the resurrection of the original Shandon Turkey Trot, which had been a Columbia running fixture for more than 30 years. It used to feature a 8k race and 4k walk/run and featured a psychologically brutal course, since it was 2 loops. But the race started getting overshadowed by the ton of other Thanksgiving races and it started to die off. Fortunately, GRIT moved the event to Black Friday in 2019 and the race has been regaining momentum ever since. The first year had 300ish runners and this year it was just short of 800. Clearly it was all because of my spokesmodeling.

My original thought with the turkey costume in 2019 was just to phone in an easy run, but as it turns out, I have nothing less than 100 percent to give once that bib gets pinned on. The turkey costume is also deceptively run friendly, as it essentially comes down to running in a slightly heavy dress. The legs come out one hole – just hike it up and blast out the speed. The only real pain is the constantly flapping beer belly and the constricting head piece. Somehow, I churned out a 19:06 in the thing back in 2021, which I can’t even do in regular clothes now. In recent years Rob has joined me as an anorexic Santa. I’ve managed to beat him in years past, but just barely, leading to multiple epic holiday costume showdowns on the last drag on Woodrow St.

Fast forward to this year, and things are looking rough for a good turkey time. The Richmond marathon was great but wrecked me for at least a half a week. I could barely walk. Of course, I couldn’t miss the Sleigh Bell Trot on Monday so I had to do that. And there was the 10 miles at Randy’s Thanksgiving Day long run the day before, coupled with an overly aggressive front yard wiffle baseball game at my parents’ house for Thanksgiving. Needless to say, I was feeling less than confident about churning out another fast 5k. But apparently perpetually abusing my body is my favorite thing to do, so let’s go.

I warmed up a little with the world’s skinniest Santa, but the main concern is MAKING SURE I DON’T HAVE TO POOP. I mean that’s always a problem, but figuring out the portapotty logistics in a giant turkey outfit is less than ideal. Luckily my colon appeared to be cooperating.

At the start line, this thing is huge. I couldn’t even see the back of the pack, but I think it had to be diverted into the Shandon Presbyterian parking lot. There were definitely some fast people in this race but I made sure to toe the line for maximum picture exposure. I take my egomania very seriously. The start was a total stampede, and I may or may have not have almost clotheslined Ashley Holman with my wing flapping. This course is a series of Shandon rectangles and is mostly flat, but the Woodrow start is an absolute racetrack. No elevation change and straight as an arrow for a half mile. I feel like I’m going pretty hard, but I’ll be damned if Shannon and Rob/Santa aren’t leaving me for dead right off the bat. I try and settle in a rhythm. Drew and Tracy are at the first turn on Heyward, so more grandiose picture posing ensues. Rounding the corner, we fly down a long decline on Heyward before rising up near Sims street. Mile one in 6:29. Looks like a sub 20 may not be in the cards today. Pretty soon I catch up with Ed Aufuldish and try and surge past. But Fast Eddie is not having it. I try and hang on his coattails while the course turns on to Ott, Duncan and then the turnaround on Bonham right near the old Dry Run (R.I.P.) finish line. Turning back home on Wilmot is a relief because I am definitely sucking wind at this point. It doesn’t help my gobbler keeps rising up and blocking my mouth. Kristin Wallace is on hand to take some pics of his absolutely beautiful scene, with my turkey dress showing my white ass legs and my face half covered. Oh, the sacrifices I make for my performance art.

Mile 2 is in 6:33so it’s going to take an epic kick to pull off the sub 20. But I dream at night of epic kicks, so here goes. Ed is telling me he’s not in 5k shape, and he is post-marathon too, so I manage to slide past him as we turn back on to Heyward. I can see crystal meth Santa ahead but there is no way I can catch him. Ed is still right on my tail too. Turning onto Woodrow for the half mile finish, I make one half-hearted wing flap for Tracy’s video then push in all the kick chips. Near Hand middle, I can just about make out the clock and it’s going to be close for that 19:59. I see Shannon just ahead and I almost think about sparing her the turkey trample, but it’s already too late for that. I catch her about 50 meters out and blast towards the line like it’s the Olympic 100 meter final. BAM. 19:52 by my Garmin. Full on HYC style collapse in the finish chute. I’ll take it. Good enough for 2^nd in AG behind Ozempic Santa.

Swag is awesome as usual with Turkey trophies for all the overall/age group winners, plus the all-important group competition with COLUMBIA RUNNING CLUB taking first place (over 50 entrants) ! We got a box of pretzels and a giant turkey pretzel as well from Philly pretzel factory. Epic carb load!

Stuffing the turkey (photo Deana Rennick)

In the men’s overall Mark Kushinka crushed the field with a 16:14 with Liam Jones and Daniel Brown 2^nd and 3^rd. Fort Mill’s Angeline Kravitz took the women’s win but our own Ashley Holman was 2^nd . Beth Walker was 3^rd.

Masters: The men’s division was a trio of grandmasters beasts with Robert McBee, Herbert Krabel and Jeff Brandenburg. These guys are all 57 and over and still killing it. Shannon threw down a mean kick and broke 20 to take the women’s masters win, solidifying her 3^rd place ranking in the state. Erin Abby and Barbara Brandenburg were 2^nd and 3^rd.

Age group honor roll women: Lilly Holman won the 11-14. Michaela Willoughby won the 25-29. Sara McFall was 1^stin the 35-39 and Korinne Collins was 3^rd with a new 5k PR! Amy Magee was 1st and Megan Duffy was 3^rd in the 40-44. Stephanie Fischer, Shenequa Coles and Angie Thames swept the 50-54. Joyce Welch and Lynda Leonardi were 1-2 in the 55-59. Melody Kreiling and Lisa Powell went 1-2 in the 60-64, while Carol Wallace and Beverly Breuer did the same in the 65-69. Kathy Paget won the 75-79.

Age group honor roll men: Finn Jaworek was tops in the 1-10. Parker Roof was 2nd in the 20-24. Regan Freeman and David Chen were 1-2 in the 25-29. Wesley Sawyer and Jonathan McFall were 2^nd and 3^rd in the 35-39. Yerg, the turkey and Michael Beets won the 45-49. Ed Aufuldish, Frank Seier and Randy Hrechko swept the 55-59. Phil Smith and Jeff Radenbaugh went 1-3 in the 60-64. Jerry Rich and Leeds Barroll were 1-2 in the 70-74. Alex Ponomarev and Richard Wright were 2-3 in the 75-79. Jesse Smarr was 3^rd in the 80 plus!

Notable finishers:

Eric Gilfus, Joey and Gabby Swearingen, Antjuan Seawright, Patrick Hall, The Outlaw family, The Fischer family, Ashleigh Carpenter, Merritt McNeely, Bertha woehl, The Homeyer family, Kana Rahman, Missy Caughman, Michael Beaudet, Lynn Ann Sawyer, Penny Leitner, Roy and Riana Shelley, Pam Griffin, Jessalyn Smith, Teresa Harrington, April Joyner, Melinda Waldrop, Gretchen Lambert, Pete Poore, Heather Hawn, Dawn Fellers, Cassidy Carter, Nicole Charlton, Kelly Hynes, Ron Hagell, Tee Coker, Stevie Dee Dukes, Heather Herndon, Kristin and Poppy Laughlin, Margie Shelburg, Amy Hildreth, Simon Krabel, Michelle Edmundson, Kerry Stubbs. Sorry to those I missed!

Collages by Tracy Tisdale, editor in chief, CRC NEWSLETTER , pics from facebook and JP photography where indicated

Sweat it Out 5k – Columbia, SC – 6/1/24

Jun7

I still consider it a newer race, but the Sweat it Out 5k has somehow been around since 2015 and is now in its 9th year. It has been a regular on the Blue Shoes and Tour de Columbia calendar, initially directed by fellow Sunday run slog jogger Shannon Godby and then taken over by Erin and GRIT endurance a few years later. True to form for an Erin Roof race, this event has featured some of the best swag, including the iconic Ernest Lee painting awards, which currently decorate my office and act as my Zoom/Teams background. I know my coworkers are impressed. The race proceeds go to benefit the National Foundation of Ectodermal Dysplasia, a group of disorders that includes hypohydrosis, or the inability to sweat. Nick, the son of race director Jamie Duke, has the condition, and it’s been cool to see the toddler at the first race now grow to a preteen.

Tragically, the year of the wonky Achilles wrecked my Sweat it Out streak in 2023, but given that I’m back at least at 85-90 percent, I wasn’t going to miss this year. At our first meeting of the year, the CRC board decided to bump up this event to cherished double points status, so it was sure to be a stud fest. I usually don’t look to have a fast time at this race with the heat, so I did a quick check of the forecast on Monday to see how miserable it would be. But wait… hold the phone, what is this?? 55 degrees? That’s incredible for June in this famously hot town.

Sure enough, I show up at 6 am for the 7 am start and it is actually COLD. People had jackets on and everything. 54 degrees by my car thermometer. At packet pickup, fellow GRIT spokesmodel Sarah suggested this year’s event be called “Shiver it Out”. She wasn’t wrong. The early start always throws a wrench into my pre-race colonic song and dance. It’s often a three act play but you can never rule out an encore performance. We would see. I did a couple miles with H, McElderry and Yerg to warm up, and by the time I get back there are beasts everywhere. Somehow, I managed 2nd overall in 2019 with a 20:20 something time. I might not be in the top 20 with that time this year. Jarvis and David Williams were sure to podium on the men’s side, but there were also masters studs OJ and Dimery. Joy Miller and Ivanka were picks to win among the women, but JLy, Ashley, Shannon, Sellers and Lindsey were also there to throw down some good times. Also, there were a whole slew of singlet wearing fast looking old dudes that were giving me the jitters. Damn you rando superfit dads.

Ten minutes before the start, I realize someone has indeed been cheering for the colon to come back on stage. DAMMIT. The line was a little long at the portapotties but it was moving. Thankfully Erin gave us an extra 5 minutes to poop. The start line is just ridiculous. I love to be grandiose and toe the line at most local 5ks but my fat ass was going to get run over if I did that for this race. I backed up probably 5 rows just to be sure. Reportedly there were 50ish CRC members on hand, and I don’t debate that number based on who I could see. Based on my start line selfie, I can see Mike Shrum, Eric and Sarah Allers, Jonathan McFall, Dimery, David Williams, Silent H, Brett Martin, Sellers, Rob THE YERG Yerger, Lindsey, Kirkwood , Patrick McElderry, Clay Ham, Sophie Homeyer, Dr. Ghering, Patrick Hall and Levi Beck.

The start was as predicted, a total blast out of the gates with all the fast people. I got passed by a ton of people given my usual negative split plan. There’s nothing I hate more than going too hard early and dying a thousand deaths in the last mile. But with the cool weather and feeling like I’m getting left in the dust, I probably amped it up more than usual. This course is virtually flat, with the only real hill coming an agonizing 2.5 miles in. I focused on keeping a steady pace and hanging on to Jly and Sellers, both known for going out blazing fast. Jordan makes sure Jen knows I’m right there and mocks the decidedly minimal amount of blue in my shoes. “WHITE SHOES!” I hit mile in 6:10 and there are still a ton of people ahead of me. Damn this is a competitive race this year. We are almost done with the second out and back loop before I finally catch Jly. The YERG is crushing it up ahead, so I try and stay in striking distance. I can tell that maybe, just maybe, the blue shoe mojo is coming back because I don’t feel abjectly awful at this point. It also probably helps that it feels like October. The third loop is the last and it’s a direct out and back trip on Saye Cut Rd. I was glad just to make it to Saye Cut before Hunter left it, but it isn’t long before he and a whole host of SC’s finest road racers come into view headed back.

Saye cut ends at a cone and I turn around like a runaway bus, also trying not to tweak anything in the process. Right on my tail I see Bobby Bartley , Ashley Holman and JLy. I’m starting to hurt a bit now, but I have YERG in my sights. I think I’ve got him but damned if he isn’t slowing down. We turn back on the Galway to head straight back to the start, and I can see the infamous hill looming ahead. Garmin chirps back at 6:13 so staying pretty even. I almost draw even with Rob at the hill, but he is even better at hill climbing than I am, having done a ton of mountain ultras. In front of Meadowfield, I know there is less than a half mile to go. I have Yerg just ahead, but there’s also a red singlet wearing guy (later ID’d as Bruno Alcalde) with some gray in his hair just ahead of him. Damn masters is brutal in this town. Yerg starts to ramp it up and he draws even with Bruno and then slowly edges ahead. I feel like death, but if there’s a finish line to be seen I know I can always find another gear. The trick is knowing not to push in all the chips too early. As we clear Meadowfield, I can see the finishing arch in the distance. HERE WE GO. Time for the Blue, or perhaps white, shoe kick. Full throttleup commences and I weave through Bruno and Yerg and out into the open. And oh man, it hurts. Full karate chop hands, giant head bobbing all over the place, and form going all to hell. Mile 3 alert pops up but I am in full tunnel vision by this point. For some reason I feel compelled to lunge at the line like it’s an Olympic sprint and I have to full on HYC style collapse in the finish area. That is the sacrifice to make all of 16th place. 19:19 by chip and consolation 2nd in age group since OJ got on the masters podium. While my chicken man award may be smaller this year, I’m pretty psyched for my fastest time since spring of last year. Plus, I got a GRIT gift at the award ceremony. I wasn’t sure who she was describing until she mentioned “giant ego” and then I knew it was me. Yep, just like the Carly Simon song.

In the overall, Hunter Jarvis correctly navigated the course this week en route to a win in 16:14. From the way he looked on Saye Cut, it was like a jog in the park for him. David Williams was second in 16:35 and new Columbian Shawn Wiler was 3rd in 16:39.

Joy Miller took home a big win in the women’s race, clocking 17:57 before hopping in the car to Sumter to double dip another win an hour or so later. Ivanka Tolan kicked my tail en route to second place in 19:08, with Ashley Holman claiming third in 19:52.

Masters on both sides was nuts: Dimery, Orinthal Striggles and Aaron Schaffner claimed the male podium, with Jason and OJ going sub 17. On the women’s side, Shannon Godby was the champion with Marian Nanney 2nd and Sarah Allers 3rd. Sarah, OJ and Ivanka were the top age graded athletes, all hovering right at 85 percent. Incredible. Shannon, Joy, Dimery and Robert McBee also crossed the 80 percent age grade, representing national class level competition. Not too shabby for a local 5k!

Age group honor roll (female): Lilly Holman was 2nd in the 11-14. Hannah Williams won the 15-19. Sellers was 3rd in an insanely competitive 25-29. Lindsey Hendren won the 30-34. Jennifer Lybrand, Kara Stevens and Sara McFall took top 3 in the 35-39. Shenequa Coles, Stephanie Dukes and Angie Thames swept the 50-54. Lynda Leonardi won the 55-59. Colleen Towery was champ of the 60-64. Diane Freeman and Margie Shelburg won the 65-69.

Age group honor roll (male): Graham McLaughlin was 2nd in the 20-24. Josh Odell was tops in the 25-29 with Regan Freeman 2nd. Levi Beck won the 30-34. Mike Shrum, Johnathan McFall and Wesley Sawyer claimed the podium in the 35-39. Bruno Alcalde, Bobby Bartley and Brett Martin (new PR!) took top 3 in the 40-44. Brad Batchelder won the 45-49 over the epic Blue Shoes/YERG battle. Patrick McElderry, Johnathan Kirkwood and Eric Allers swept the 50-54. Robert McBee, Roy Shelley and Silent H won the 55-59, while Clay Ham, Eliere Tolan and Phil Smith did the same in the 60-64. Pete O’Boyle won the 65-69 while Jerry Rich and Leeds Barroll went 1-3 in the 70-74. Richard Wright and Ken Lowden claimed the 75+.

Other notable finishers: Kerry Stubbs, Maria Pray, Clara Beaudet, Harry Strick, Pete Poore, Hou Yin Chang, Nicole Charlton, Gretchen Lambert, Traci Smith, Deanna Rennick, Melinda Waldrop, Wendy Homeyer, Teresa Shelton, Missy Caughman, Sophia Homeyer, Tug Quarles, Leighton McLendon, Son Nguyen, John Richards, Michael Beaudet, Michaela Willoughby, Drew Dickerson, Patrick Hall and Julia Ghering.

Lexington Race Against Hunger 10k – Lexington, SC – 2/23/13

Feb24

The Lexington Race Against Hunger is now in its 13th year and has grown to be one of the largest 10ks in the Columbia area. Proceeds go to benefit five different charities that serve the homeless and the needy. Last years event drew over 1300 people, 400+ in the 0k and 700+ in the 5k. The 10k has really nice awards, so the race usually attracts a pretty competitive field. The 5k is actually an timed fun run/walk and not a real race, per se.

I have a confession to make.

I hate 10ks.

With a passion, really. I have no sense of pace running the 6.2. I’ve gone out too fast and suffered death marches to the finish, and I’ve also phoned in the first few miles only to find out I can’t sprint fast enough to make up the lost time. But I’ve never hit that sweet spot where I’ve actually run the race as fast as possible. The McMillan calculator, using my most recent 5k (19:00) says I can do a 39:23. My PR is exactly two minutes slower than that. I’ve wanted to break 40 forever in the 10k but I’ve wound up breaking 19 in the 5k first. Funny thing is, this race is actually where my PR was set a year ago.

And its hardly a PR course. I’m sure Lexingtonians are great people, and most I’ve met are nice (except maybe for that Jen Hill character). But I hate running in that God forsaken town. It may call itself part of the Midlands, but there are mountains there. Case in point: Main Street. The LRAH course runs right up the thing, and man, does it suck. Could be part of the Blue Ridge Relay. Brutal.

What’s even more fun than running up mountains in Lexington is if it was also really cold…and raining…hard….for the second weekend in a row. 41 degrees and a downpour. Needless to say, when I got to the race this morning the “Race Day Registration” desk was a ghost town. No one was getting out of their nice, warm, dry bed to run this thing unless they had already plunked down the cash to do so. From the looks of it, a lot of people woke up, said “F#% it” and went back to bed. One of those people was almost me. But if I dont get my weekly racing fix I’m one grumpy bastard – just ask my wife.

After waiting inside until the last second, the Code , Trophy and I did a “warmup”, aka freezing our collective asses off for about 10 minutes and making sure there was no part of ourselves that wasn’t completely and utterly soaked. Luckily the rain let up just before the start, and hey – no portapotty line!

There were a lot of fast people at the start. Returning champ Justin Bishop and the Plex were on hand to compete for the win. Amy was there with practically no competition for the women’s race. Drew Williams was helping guide her and unfortunately (for me) was also wearing a bib. That left me, Flicker, Code and Trophy to pick up the rest of the 35-39 scraps. Paul Reardon semed prime to pick up the masters win. Geary and Billy were there, which I hoped would help me pace. James Hicks was back from a prolonged work and newborn baby induced sabbatical. Ponamarev, Gasque, Valerie, Henry Holt and Cheryl Outlaw probably run as many races as me and of course were on hand for this one. CRC presidential alumnus Steve Rudnicki continued his comeback. Blue Ridge Relay teammate Winston Holliday was back again after crushing the Make my Day a week ago. Kristin Schmitz was there to test the bikram yoga as training for running theory. Both Diesels were hiding behind their children instead of racing.

With the start, my goal was to hit mile 1 in 6:30 and see if I could hold this for the first few miles. The first mile is pretty flat on highway 378. The wind and cold definitely sucked but I felt pretty good at the mile marker, which was unfortunately 6:39. OK, not too bad. The Code was running slow apparently, because I stuck right behind him. Billy was pretty far ahead already. Mile 2 is pretty rolling but probably more downhill than up until…right turn into hell. Just before the mile 2 marker comes Mt. Main street. I try and power up it hard, but when youre carrying a liter of water in your shoes, this tends to slow you down a bit. I feel like a champ because I’m catching up with Code…then he pulls off to the side and starts trying to stretch or something. I thought I picked up the pace in the second mile but apparently the 200 meters rapelling up the main street monster leaves me over pace again at 6:35. I was under the impression the worst is over by the time you reach the top of Main. Comlpetely delusional. The next mile is actually more rollercoaster-esque. It gives you a tour of roads haunted by Lexington races like Jailbreak and the now defunct Kiwanis 5k , reminding you of how much misery they’ve brought. Speaking of delusional, I’m under the distinct impression I’m holding this 6:30ish pace pretty well. Mile 3: 6:54. WTF? Apparently I’m just destined to suck today. (Remember this is relative suck. I’ve heard Bishop and Plex complain about how bad 5:40 pace sucks. ..Cry me a river dudes.) Anyway, running a 6:54 pretty much crashes any grandiose thoughts I had about sub 40’s and PRs. Add that to my numb, freezing feet and having no one to pace off , and my motivation is crap. I do hear someone tracking me down, and I’m pretty sure its Geary. Turns out it was Travis Moran, who I met after the race. He was using ME to pace off. Sorry I let you down, man.

I’m nearing the mile 4 mark and I figure I need to start kicking it in to save some pride and to make absolutely, positively sure I don’t get Trophied. That shame would be too much for my fragile ego to bear. Just as I pick up the pace, I realize all my debbie downer self talk has given me a 6:57 fourth mile. Nice half marathon pace, bro. You do realize this is a 10K, right? I look ahead and I can still see Flicker and Billy, so I try to use them as motivation to go faster. I am picking it up some, but damned if I just can’t kick it into another gear. And I’m actually making up ground…but apparently I’m not willing to suffer like I usually do. Last year Code and then Flicker were in the crosshairs in mile 6 which led me to a 6:09 last mile. Not this time. I do hit mile 5 in 6:35, but I had planned to have dropped it down to 6:20 by now. The last mile is the same pretty flat stretch on 378. I’m tracking down Flicker as best I can, and I’m slowly reeling him in, but not before he kicks it in himself. Somehow I know thats my precious age group placement going down the toilet too. Finally after the mile 6 mark I do break into something resembling a kick. I make out the clock in the 41’s and throw in enough of a burst to make sure I’m under 42 minutes. Finish is 41:51. 16th overall, and sure enough 4TH IN AGE GROUP. Damn that Flicker.

Justin set the “A” Standard again, winning the race in 34:56. A guy from Boiling Springs , Matt Henderson, finished a surprising second ahead of the Plex , who had an “off day” with 36:02. I hate when I have off days and run 5:40 pace. Drew Williams finished 4th overall (1st in 35-39). Amy finished first in the women’s race by over 4 minutes, rocking a 39:23. Where are all the other elite women these days? Paul Reardon finished 6th overall in a really close masters race..just edging a Charlotte Running Club guy (the other, less cool CRC) Jonathan Halter, by six seconds. Winston Holliday continued to run strong and finished in tenth place at 40:49, second in AG. Billy Tisdale and Geary McAlister finished 1-2 in the grandmaster division on either side of me. I saw Tim Reese and Scott Brewer challenge Billy with a sprint to the end, and both got a taste of the brutal Tisdale kick, though Tim did edge him out. To Billy’s credit, he’s got 25 years on him. Sadly I was just a little too far back to give them all a blue shoes blast. I don’t know Kenneth Ebener, but I saw the dude ran like a 3:07 marathon last week and comes right back and does 42 minutes at this race. Impressive. Travis Moran, who was pacing off me, won second in AG behind Tim. Just wait to these guys age up to the real competition! Trophy ran a strong race in 43:33, and then announces he’s going to run the 3rd race of my triple dip next week in an effort to break the 4 year Blue Shoes 5k losing streak. Bring it, dude. The shame will be all yours. Kristin Schmitz ran an easy 48 minutes and still placed 2nd in AG. Brady Ward continued his under 14 world domination tour by winning 1st, even his dad tried to outkick him in the end. Rudnicki made the real CRC proud with a 3rd in AG, as Larry Bates did as well with 1st in his. Cheryl Outlaw and Valerie Selby rocked the 55 -59. And Henry Holt, 77, not only won his age group but was the only person over age 63 to brave the brutal conditions. Take that all you youngster slackers. Speaking of youngster non-slackers, Brooke Ward , age 10, completed her first 10k in 1:26 , outkicking Jennifer and taking the AG win after an official coaches challenge by the Diesel.

http://www.strictlyrunning.com/results/13lrah.txt

http://connect.garmin.com/activity/276721267