The Red Shoe Run is a 5k and 10k that has been around since the mid 2000’s and goes to benefit the Ronald McDonald House. It was previously known as the “Red Nose Run” but got a name change when the circus decided to bow out as a sponsor. Now its name references Ronald McDonald, a distant relative who shares my alabaster skin tone and maniacal grin.

One awesome thing about the circus dumping the race was a change in venue. We used to have to start and end at the Colonial Center, which sits at the bottom of a quad-busting, lung destroying mountain of a hill. Oh and the 10k made you do it twice. Not fun. And since the race is held in January, it has been plagued by terrible weather – it was around 10 degrees in 2009, and 34 degrees and raining the next year. 2014’s race was 17 degrees at the start. I still have this lovely gem of a photo from my 2009 5k, my second race in Columbia. I was certainly less than the model of fitness at the time, but three layers of sweatshirts and a blue shoe finish make me look like I’m 300 pounds. And that was for a 25:39. Sexxxy.

Wearing my kindergartener’s spider man gloves and clutching my wife’s sky blue hat. So stylish.

The change last year let the race move to Shandon, which, though certainly lacking in variety, is gloriously flat. The 10k is still 2 loops, but hey, no mountain.

I missed the 2014 race nursing an achilles injury but I planned to give it a shot in the 10k this year. My original thought was making a run for the sub 40 in this race, but between post marathon recovery, the holidays and getting sidelined with whatever virus Polo road elementary  decided to send my way…I was less than optimally trained. Did I mention no speedwork? Yeah, that too. Still, all that Kiawah mileage was still paying dividends, and I was pretty happy with the 19:19 at MLK 5k the week before.

I was slack getting to the race and I’m amazed how many people are at this thing when I pulled up about 30 minutes to race time. The Hand middle parking lot is completely full and there are blazing fast people everywhere. I know it had been a bit of a arm twist to get the new race director to put this on the Tour de Columbia, but there are probably 50 Columbia Running Club peeps there. That might have offset the 75 buck fee.

I already knew from facebook that TEam Utopia would be decending on this race in force. Justin, Drew, Joyce, Kris, Kana, Che, David, Michael Nance, Mrs. Beast Colleen Vowles, Ashley “Bud Light Lime” Horton, Ivanka and Eliere Tolan, Tracy Tisdale-Williams, Ian Clawson and Brittany Robbins  all turned up. There was a Red Storm front moving in as well with the SR crew more than well represented – Coach B, Lightning Plexico, Shannon, Jeff “the pose” Godby, Jennifer “6:02 first mile” Lybrand,  Jason Dimery, Steven Johnson, and Justin Jones. Palmetto Runners fielded Pam Inman, Jeff Smith, Lucia Velicu, Angel, Cait Costello and Laurin Long.  Other CRC peeps included Pam ad Mike Griffin, James Hicks, Rocky Soderbeg, Alex Ponomarev, John Gasque, Pete Poore, Lisa Smarr, Janice Addison, Arnold Floyd, Travis Cowan, Caprice Poore, Chip Lupo, Jennifer Reeves, Paul Bates, Melinda and Reese and Bob Petruzzi, Randy  “the H is silent” Hrechko, Rafael Marquez, the Robertson clan, and Brigitte Smith. Familar faces included Kristen Cattieu, Anita Recchio ,Kyle “Ghost Rider” Addy.  Oh and the Trophy. I told him he was not to slip into Blackjack (i.e. 21 minute) territory in the 5k. More on that later. Code has been an orthopedic train wreck of late but he did show up to watch. Ditto the Pale Beast.

I did a mile with trophy and Jamey. Felt kind of like crap, but what else is new. The Friday night at the Tilted Kilt didnt help with my morning hydration status.

The 10k starts 15 minutes before the 5k, so I was able to size up my age group at the start. Thankfully Angel and Drew were undercarding it in the 5k. Nance was doing the 10k and would smoke me for sure. No one else stood out, but the 35-39 is always rife with the sforementioned super fit soccer dads. I was glad to see my marathon doppelganger Shannon Iriel and track suit aficionado Jeff Godbee , as they could provide some pacing. I blasted out of the start like Jen Lybrand on crack….except she was still ahead of me. She must have done a better grade cocaine.  Iriel’s got her side to side elbow metronomes going and is already leaving me for dead.  No way, chicas. The first mile is a lot of suckage. When you’ve been cruising around at 9 minute pace for weeks, trying to drop 6:30’s feels like complete ass. I try to focus on the TUS #nipstohips form mantra and drive from my hips instead of my sasquatch mall walker mom stride. I manage to pass the female Red Storm front and get a boost from the 5k crowd at after the first loop. Mile 1 is at 6:32 so not too bad. The rest of the first 5k loop is kind of a blur. I’m completely by myself, not in an elite-kicking-ass way but more of a slightly-above-average-no-one-else-is-there way. I focus on some F3 guy who looks suspiciously 35-39. He maintains about a 20 meter lead on me through the next two miles, both at kind of a mail-it-in 6:40 pace.

It’s such a psychological struggle with two loops, I just try to zone out and bide my time until I can get to the finishing 5k. I pass by the finish line at like 20:40 , which pretty much kills my spirit for the sub 40 – though I later find out its slightly past halfway. I’m deathly afraid of Shannon or Godby catching me at this point, but im still all alone. This doesnt last long, as soon as I hit Queen street I see the sag wagon police cruiser and a mob of walkers up ahead. The back of the 5k. Suddenly its a mob scene and I’m in a sea of walkers, narrowly missing a bus-like collision with me blasting through and around packs of people walking 3 and 4 abreast. My only focus was trying to keep up with F3 guy, who now was just ahead. I finally catch him around mile 4, though I’m starting to hurt pretty bad by this point. Only a Chuck Wollery-esque 2 and 2 to go. Thankfully I get through the walkers and start progressing through the 5k crowd. Once you get to people consistently running, the juking and dodging gets a lot easier. What’s not getting easier is this whole oxygen exchange thing. I’m sucking wind pretty bad. I hit mile 5 and I’m desperate to get this thing over. Man, I hate 10ks. Time to throw down, except my lungs doth protest too much. I finally make the last turn, except its almost a half mile to the finsih from there. Just painful to see the distant clock for so long. I catch up with Ms. Bud Light Lime and the Code pacing her, and I’m sure I look like death. All that form stuff has gone out the window, and I can feel an attack of headless chicken coming on. But there’s Justin running back towards the field, so I try to do #nipstohips for like three strides before relapsing into sasquatch mall walker. By the time I can see the clock , all I see is the 5k one, so I’m not sure where I stand. Finally I see the 10k at about 40:30.  I sprint it out and hit the line in 40:47. Good enough for 12th overall (out of 186) and 2nd in AG. Not my sub 40, but not too bad. My 10k PR is a 40:38 so this is actually my 2nd fastest. I’ll take it.

No surprise that Justin “A Standard” Bishop crushed this race for first in under 35 minutes. High schooler Hunter Janus took 2nd in 37:41 and Ryan Strickler 3rd.  SR swept the top 2 in the women’s race with Shannon taking 1st in 42:11 and Jen Lybrand scoring a PR 43:27 for 2nd. Cheri Lee from Fort Bragg took 3rd.

10K Age Group honor roll: Brittany Robbins (TUS) took 2nd in the 15-19, David Russell (TUS) won the 25-29. In the 30-34, Jason Dimery (SR) placed 1st with Kris Litman-Koon (TUS) taking 3rd. Jamey Wilson won the women’s 30-34. Nance easily won my age group, and frequent racer Mark Tibshrany placed 3rd. “She Hulk” Jen Clyburn won the 35-39. Godby  (SR) won the 40-44 men while Colleen Vowles (TUS) and Kana Rahman (TUS) placed among the women. Matt Buffum and Randy Hrechko went 1-2 in the 45-49.  Joyce and Pam Griffin did the same for the ladies. Janice Addison (TUS) and Anita Recchio destroyed the 50-54 competition. Some familiar faces int he 55-59 with Geary McAlister, Kyle Addy and Mike Griffin cleaning up the 55-59. Alsena Edwards and Lisa Smarr won the ladies 55-59. Harry Strick took 2nd int he 60-64, while Brigitte Smith won the 65-69.

In the 5k, Lightning struck and the Plex (SR) took the win in sub 17 (16:59). Justin Jones placed 3rd.  Kristen Cattieu took a break from the yoga and won the women’s race in 21:23. Ivanka Tolan (TUS) took an impressive 3rd.

Age group honor roll: Ian Clawson and Alex Robertson took 1st and 3rd in the 11-14.  The Budlight lime will flow tonight with Ashley Horton (TUS) winning 2nd in the 25-29, and Cait Costello (Palm) 3rd. TDC award winner Kathryn Ryan won the 30-34.  Angel Manuel (Palm), Drew Williams(TUS) and yes, even Trophy swept the 35-39. Trophy had the shame of his 21:41 amplified by Joe Pinner yet again mangling his last name “Mc-GAY-ha”. Awesome. Steven Johnson won the 40-44 – better get ready for some Blue Shoes in 37 days, Steven.  Tracy took 2nd in the 45-49 despite fighting off a GI bug this week.  Coach B (SR) easily took the 50-54 with Eliere Tolan (TUS) and Travis Cowan behind him. Gregory Jones won the 55-59, still getting sub 20’s. Melinda Petruzzi continues to rack up TDC points with a 3rd in the  55-59.  Pete Poore and Leeds Barroll are 3 for 3 in TDC events this year with a 1-2 in the 60-64. Albert Andersona nd Alex Ponomarev did the smae in a competitive 65-69. No surprise to see Arnold Floyd and Rocky Soderberg sweeping the 70+.

http://www.strictlyrunning.com/RESULTS/15REDSHOE.TXT

http://connect.garmin.com/activity/681607637

It’s the new year, so what’s my resolution? More trophy hunting!! Duh. I turn the big 4-0 this year in March, so while other people worry about getting old, I get all giddy as a schoolgirl thinking about being a masters (40+) runner. Being 40 is awesome because you’re still young enough to still go for open overall wins, but there’s also masters glory to shoot for if some high cross country dude decides to show up and kick your tail. This sounds great in theory, but there’s plenty of masters beasts out there too. I only need to think back to September when a 60 year old (Dave Geer) smoked me by four minutes in a 10k.

OK, so this race was not a great choice to try and win. It being the first race of the year, and first on the Tour de Columbia, it kind of stands out. Still, some part of me wondered if all the competitive guys had done Cold Winters Day and Main Street Crit, leaving this little nugget for a trophy starved Albino Sasquatch.

Um… not so much. I’m not there more than a couple of minutes and I see Jordan Lybrand, Brandenburg and John Charlton doing warmups.  I can only beat JB when he’s either injured or coming back from an Ironman. I think I have one win over Jordan at the IOP beach run two years ago – in the interim he’s running 17 minute 5ks and not even in my zip code. Charlton has been crushing elite level 5k times for 30 years and I’ve only seen him finish when I was spectating. So yeah, the overall holy grail would have to wait.

But there’s always the age group. Quick check yielded none of my usual nemeses. No Angel, Code, Pale Beast, Derek, Yerg or Drew to be found. Trophy continues to be MIA. James Hicks was on board but I didn’t see any other 35-39ers. No shock to see Jen Lybrand there – an expert level (and much more successful, I might add) trophy hunter herself. Kris Litman-Koon was the sole other Utopian.  Barb Brandenburg, John Gasque, Arnold Floyd, Peter Mugglestone, Lynn Grimes, Leeds Barroll, and Brigitte Smith rounded out a roster of some seriously hardcore racers. Hrechko was taking a break from his body pumping to try and get his speed back. Wes and Rhea Spratt have now turned into serial road racers.  Newly minted CRCers Melinda, Bob and Reese Petruzzi were on hand to start their 2015 Tour de Columbia point hunting.

This year the crowd was a little smaller than the inaugural event in 2014, probably because WACH TV bowed out as a sponsor. Still, Columbia Boot Camp did an awesome job picking up the slack and there was probably 100 people there (99 by check of the results).

The course was one used in the past by the Colorectal 5k from my March 2013 birthday triple dip – you know, the one where I beat a fresh legged Trophy in my third 5k in 2 hours – yeah, that one. Pretty decent course for speed. You have one nasty climb at the end of mile 1 on Blossom street that lasts a few blocks, the same one that you go up at Get to the Green. Once on top of that hill, you’re golden – virtually all flat and downhill from there. Turnaround is on Capitol street, comeback on Wheat, right turn to plummet down Harden then a left on Blossom to the finish.

The start separated out the crowd pretty quickly. Jen had talked about showing some restraint but she was leaving me and Brandenburg in the dust in the first half mile. As expected, Charlton and Jordan were in another zip code right off the bat. There was an unknown dude just ahead of JB. First half mile is flat through 5 points on Blossom. After you cross Harden is the start of the long incline to King, and doesnt level out until Woodrow. I finally caught Jen on the hill and I tucked in behind JB. Unfortunately, Brandenburg has like 2 percent body fat, so not much of a wind shield. Legs were feeling the other 2 races in the last 7 days, so I was surprised I was keeping up with JB pretty easily. Once I hit the mile 1 mark I saw why – 6:30. JB was slacking big time and I was apparently more than ready to follow him to a crap race.

JB must have seen the split too because he started ramping it up. I tried to do the same but legs were cashed from the long climb, and lungs were still not 100 percent. We turned around on Capitol street and JB and random guy gapped me some. I was pretty much all alone on Wheat  street on the way back. Way up ahead I could see Charlton and Jordan locked in an epic battle. JB and random were also running stride for stride. I hit mile 2 in 6:20 something, so I was way slower than I hoped. I was going to have to throw down quite a bit to even break 20. I kicked it up a notch as we started the descent past Hand Middle. I was drawing pretty close to JB and random but they gapped me again on the sharp decline on the turn to Harden. I remember that Jordan said that the finish seemed a lot further than it looked once you got back on Blossom, and he wasn’t kidding.  I thought for awhile I was going to catch JB and random guy and epically blue shoe them both, but my lungs didnt get the memo. They were still working on hacking up whatever plague had been living in my respiratory tract for the past week. I was able to make out the clock from pretty far out and saw low 19’s. It took an eternity, but eventually I mustered a weak kick and crossed the line in 19:45. 5th overall, 1st in AG. Not thrilled with the time, but I cant expect too much with the way I’ve been feeling. Hopefully I can get back to 100 percent soon.

It turns out Jordan won the battle of the beasts in 17:38 and took the overall win, which is damn impressive to beat a guy like Charlton. Third place went to the aforementioned “random”, who turns out is 37 year old Tony Marshall from San Francisco, who usually does ultras. Tony will now undoubtedly take his 10 Tour de Columbia age group points back to California, leaving me with 7 (they went three deep in overall so he got removed from the 35-39). Damn him. Good job keeping JB away from the podium though.

Among the women, Jennifer completed the sweep for Team Lybrand for an impressive start to 2015, taking the win in 21:09. Hopefully she and Jordan will be spared being called twins in the newspaper again. Barbara Brandenburg and Christina Marshall (wife of Tony Marshall from above)  finished 2nd and 3rd, so apparently it was a good day for husband/wife teams.

Age group honor roll: Reese Petruzzi claimed 1st in the 2-14, though had to endure the shame of an excited grandmother. Hey, I take any attention I can get. Kris Litman-Koon made Team Utopia proud with a win in the 30-34. James Hicks took 3rd in the 35-39.  JB took 4th overall and 1st in the 45-49, with Randy Hrechko finishing 2nd. Rhea Spratt won third in the 50-54 while husband Wes had to endure JB mocking him all the way down the home stretch. He did get 3rd in the 55-59 for his troubles. John Gasque held off Wes for 2nd in the AG. Dawn Galloway-Hale won the female 55-59, with Melinda Petruzzi placing 3rd to earn her first TDC points. The 60+ group was filled with some serious competition as Arnold Floyd, Peter Migglestone and Leeds Barroll swept the mens side, and Lynn Grimes, Brigitte Smith, and Dianne Jackson winning among the women.

The Main Street Crit is now in its 3rd year, this time with a big change by being held in the afternoon and attaching itself to the Famously Hot New Years party put on by the city of Columbia.

This is a really cool, unique event. I’m not sure its exact origins, but Steven Johnson and some of his fellow 621 ninjas thought of the idea to bring a criterium style race to downtown, hold it at night, and ramp up the excitement with an elite race after everyone finishes. I had a blast in the first two years – I never get a chance to see pro runners live, and apparently pounding 3 or 4 post race beers makes me a very vocal spectator.

As anyone who’s ever watched a road race knows, watching a regular road race is not super exciting. You basically get two chances to see who you came there for.  A criterium involves multiple loops around a short course, so you get to see everyone every half mile or so. In the case of the Main Street Crit, 6 loops for the 5k, and 10 for the elite 8k.

No beer this year with the race in the afternoon, but the daylight would at least help with the runner traffic on the course. Plus, I needed to pace the alcohol anyway since it would be a long time ’til midnight on New Years Eve.

Unfortunately I was still riding the snot train that started the night before Cold Winter’s Day.  Speaking of CWD, I was contacted by multiple people about my performance there, basically asking what the hell was wrong with me. Apparently I’m not allowed to go less than 100 percent or people think I’m dying.

So I was going to do my usual balls-to-the-wall 5k this time around, if anything to avoid all the faux concern and trash talk. I was hating my decision when I got there though, since I was still hacking like a pack-a-day Marlboro habit. I ended up getting there so late I really didn’t have any time (or motivation) to warm up other than a jog to and from my car. There was a decent crowd this year, about the same as last, but again packed with lots of road racing regulars. Most of the ninjas were pulling volunteer duty or racing, with my marathon twin Shannon Iriel race directing.

I tried desperately at the start to get a Garmin signal but I guess all the tall buildings were blocking the satellites. Alas, I would be running “naked”. You would think a 6 lap course with a time clock wouldn’t require a GPS device, but somehow I seem to believe the miles disappear if not fully recorded on Garmin Connect. At any rate, I kind of blasted out of the gate with all the fast peeps around and the pancake flat course. There was a band at one corner playing Rage Against the Machine, which was awesome since most race musical selections include
“Running on Empty”, “Born to Run” or any other song with “Run” in the title. The first lap is actually only a partial one, maybe 3/4 of the two blocks. I had already been running too fast,and the wall of noise and spectators as you cross the finish area didn’t help.

And that’s about the time I started feeling like death. Lungs just couldn’t get my usual breath and I had to hack up a lung a couple of times. This was going to hurt. Will Brumbach, (who hardly ever races but always gives me trouble when he does) comes flying by me and basically drops me right away. I hear Geary’s industrial machine breathing behind me tracking me down. I notice the back stretch is actually painfully a slight incline, which ends in a smoke haze of the Sumter city bus station. I’m in a world of trouble by lap 2 and I’m afraid I might have to drop. Everything feels slow and Geary eventually passes me.

The rest of the race is pretty much a haze. The next three laps, by Strictly’s record, have me running about the same pace, slowly bleeding a couple seconds. It was great to get some adrenaline in the finish area each lap because that was about the only thing keeping me going. Plus, I saw the Pale Beast had arrived to watch, so I couldn’t let him see me drop.  The dude made it a point to beat me in the Tour de Columbia this year, and he had already clinched it . He may or may not  have received this gift from his wife:

Somehow I passed Geary at some point but I could hear him close behind. I started to lose touch with the field with all the laps and I had to concentrate on not freight training people that I lapped.  Speaking of lapped, OJ Striggles blasted by me on my lap 5 and cruised to the win in just over 16 minutes. It was painful to see him finish, but I had to put the jets on as not to also get lapped by Justin, who I could hear just behind me. I managed to avoid that by exactly one second. The last lap I threw down as hard as I could, which wasn’t a whole hell of a lot. I was making some ground on Brumbach but I had nothing left in the tank to do my usual headless chicken sprint to the finish. I somehow finished in 19:29, 2nd in AG behind Will. That’s not to say I didn’t finish ugly. You can count on that:

I rarely have felt that bad in a 5k so I was pretty thrilled with the time.

As noted, OJ and Justin took 1-2 in the overall with Adam Feigh taking third. Never seen him race before. Top 10 finishers included mini beast Kenneth Vowles in 17:58 for 4th and Jack Carmody, king of the Crooked Creek 5k, finishing 5th. Parker Roof continues to throw down some fast times, despite his Jennifer Lybrand style rocket fast starts. He finished 6th in 18:28. Jason Dimery  took 9th.

Among the women, Erin Miller was disappointed with her time but still was good enough for the win in 19:06. MC Cox gave me the beat down and finished 2nd in 19:23. Anna Johnson of Dutch Fork also kicked my butt – I couldnt catch her in the home stretch and she took 3rd in 19:26.  Female masters included Linn Hall  taking the win, just outkicking Sarah Allers 20:13 to 20:17.  Sarah turned in another 85+ percent age grade performance. Male masters was won by Jason Gibson, with Geary and Winston Holliday taking 2nd and 3rd.

Age group honor roll: Ian Clawson barely won the 11-14 by like 7 minutes. Brittany Robbins won the 15-19 girls. Samantha Yeoman won the 20-24. Marian Nanney took 2nd in the 35-39. Colleen Vowles claimed the 40-44 with Jennifer Glass 3rd. A trio of familiar faces in the 45-49 with Randy “don’t pronounce the H” Hrechko , Jim Fadel and Tim Hewitt rounding out the category. Jennifer “JR” Reeves finished 2nd in AG despite me catching her with the walksies. Joe Roof and Phil Togneri had a photo finish (same time) in the 45-49 but Joe must have outleaned him to bring home the win. Anita Recchio, Jeanna Moffett and Lisa King swept a very competitive 50-54. Likewise with Pete O’Boyle, Kyle “Ghost Rider”, and Larry Bates in the 55-59, all just over 21 minutes. Dolly Rodgers took 3rd in the female division. Mary Howk threw down an incredible 23:23 at age 63 to take the win in her AG, while Pete Poore and Leeds Barroll won the men’s 60-64. Alex Ponamarev won the 65-69.

Other finishers included Andrew Touzel, making a return to the racing scene. CRC officers Sheila Subbarao (on a comeback, now down to 28:11) and John Gasque.

The elite 8k was awesome to watch after the open 5k, even while completely sober. Kipkoech Ruto crushed the competition for the win in 22:52 (4:36 pace) and just missed the state record set last year at this race. CWD winner Adam Freudenthal finished 6th in 23:27, just ahead of Running Times cover guy Matthew Elliott. Ricky Flynn took 9th. Eric Ashton and Tim Jeffries were locked in a brutal one-on-one battle the whole way, with Eric outkicking Tim in the last lap for the win. The women’s race was also hotly contested, with a large pack separating only in the last lap. Kimberly Ruck took the win in 26:32 ahead of Alyssa McKaig and Charlotte’s Caitlin Bullock. Major props go out to Shawanna White for breaking the 30 minute barrier and claiming a new PR in 29:49.

Mere mortals:  http://www.strictlyrunning.com/RESULTS/14CRIT_O.TXT

Elite: http://www.strictlyrunning.com/RESULTS/14CRIT.TXT

This is where it all began. In Columbia, at least. I did three 5k’s while I was in Charleston in 2007 and became so obsessed that I promptly got shin splints so bad that I couldn’t run until late 2008. Cold Winter’s Day was the first race I could find when I finally could run injury-free again. I knew it was a Strictly Running race and figured I owed them a debt of gratitude for fitting me for some “real” running shoes – I had been training in yardwork-weary asics gels that I think I might have bought in college.  I showed up at that race not knowing a soul and scared of what was still a new experience for me.  I bonked hard at about 2.5 miles when I misjudged the finish (these were my pre-garmin days) and about donated breakfast en route to a 23:59. The ugly race face was also born:

CWD 2008

Since then I’ve always used CWD as a bench mark for my 5k race fitness. I managed to improve every year, culminating in one of my best races ever, an 18:52 in 2012. The cliff dive reset my expectations last year, though I did manage a 20:09 on a gimp toe and couch surfing fatness on roughly the same effort as the year before. So I wanted to crush this one to make up for it, though the chip on my shoulder about Hawaii recovery had largely been removed by the Savannah half PR and the Kiawah BQ.  The marathon was only 2 weeks ago, but I had gotten some decent runs in since then. I’ve read  somewhere that you need a recovery day for each mile of the race you’ve run, though for me you might switch that to hours. I lasted until Tuesday. (Still better than some – cough- Joyce – cough  that had to run the next morning.)

CWD 2013 – the Walking Dead. Some road kill behind me.

CWD 2009 – Inconceivably, upping the ugly from ’08

CWD 2011 – thug life

CWD 2012 – Beauty and the Beast

I have to admit, the marathon took a lot out of me. Although a freak sasquatch on the outside, apparently I do actually have normal human physiology internally. Still, I was able to put in a couple of 35 mile weeks. Then my three disease vectors, I mean beautiful loving children, decided to conspire against me and throw a heinous cold virus my way. Twenty four hours before race time I started riding the snot train and I was wiped out. Thanks guys.

Still, this was CWD, and I had to keep the six year streak alive. Since doing my best was not in the cards, I figured I could at least show up and jog the course. The following near-sleepless night looking like an extra in a Vicks commercial had me second guessing that idea too.

I got there thirty minutes ahead of time and figured I would keep my running to a minimum – just cross the line and get in the results. I ran a mile with Tigs, which was nice since I haven’t seen her most of the year with her Reckless Running schedule taking her out of area. This race usually brings out everyone, and its usually one of the most competitive 5ks of the year. There was a time bounty for sub 14:30 and sub 14:00, which was disappointing since if I had been well that would’ve been easy money.  Still, this year seemed a little less elite than most. I saw the SR crew with Jeff, Shannon, Kenzie, MC, Linn and Jen. CRC standbys Geary, Alex Ponamarev, Diesel/Brady/Jennifer/Brooke Ward,  Brie McGrievy, Henry Holt, Lisa and Jesse Smarr, Larry Bates, John Gasque, Pam and Mike Griffin, Debbie McCauley, Sharon Sherbourne, Jim and Sandra Manning, Jim Fadel, Lisa King, Lois Leaburn, Shirley Smith, Teresa Harrington, Mike Wainscott  were on hand.  TUS’ Carol Wallace, Brittany Robbins, Drew Williams (w/ stepson Ian Clawson), Stephanie Dukes, Sheila Subbarao, Kana Rahman and Chris Fawver showed up, with Justin doing pacing duty.  Pam Inman, Tracy Tisdale-Williams and Coleen Strasburger were doing spectating duty. Special shout out to TDBS reader Eric Stamey, who I met at the race. Notably absent was the Trophy. C’mon Lady McGaha, where are you?? At least Code and Pale Beast have injury excuses.

I lined up several rows back this time in what I hoped would be a calming influence.  Anyone who knows me knows I am ridiculously, maniacally competitive when it comes to racing. I spend 99 percent of my time being very laid back, but once I get that racing bib, its on like freaking Donkey Kong.  I make it about 7 steps before I cant take being in this sardine can start, so I break to the outside like Connor Shaw on an end around and about trample the Diesel in the process. OK hero…slow down – you’re supposed to take this one easy, remember? I do manage to rein it in and settle into what feels like my Kiawah marathon pace (or at least the pace before I wanted to crawl into a corner and cry for my mommy). First quarter mile is a nasty uphill on  Trenholm Rd before the first turn to the right. Long downhill on Spring Lake followed by another up and down in the first mile. As I’ve mentioned many times before, the tagline for this race “flat and fast” is a total myth. Especially the first mile, which has exactly zero flat parts and is always my slowest. I’m proud of myself as I approach the first mile clock, hitting about 7:17, more than a minute slower than 100 percent. I even let myself get strollered. Strollered! Do you realize how much stress that puts on my fragile ego??  It was tough but I remained true to my goal of taking it easy. Plus, what maniac goes seven minute pace with a toddler in tow? (Actually I would.) Just as I start to enjoy the fact that I’m not sucking wind, some kid starts stomping behind me and passes me on the ensuing downhill past the mile marker. I swear my eyes start turning green like David Banner, but I let him go. I’ll just pick it up a little though.

Mile 2 actually does have a little flatness in the first part, which includes 2 bridges. I’ve settled into a slightly faster pace, a little slower than half marathon now. Jordan is manning a water stop and requests a race selfie (I’m carrying my phone since I couldnt find my dorky fanny pack spibelt). To make up for the lost dork factor I do attempt the extremely dorky race selfie but all I can see is my giant forehead eclipsing everything. I even race ugly going easy. About 1.5 miles in is the hill of death, which usually makes we want to cry. It’s not super steep, but just long. A girl in front of me catches a case of the walksies.  After the death hill is a fairly steep decline which ends right around the mile 2 marker. Split was 6:49.

And then it happened. A 20 something kid pulls up alongside and gives me a pseudo-encouraging “only a mile to go” and passes me. Oh, hell no. I catch up to the kid who is probably wondering what got into this pasty ass clydesdalish old dude. We go along for awhile pretty much side by side until I finally lose self control and start launching into actual 5k pace about a half mile from the finish (the right turn which I bonked at in 2008). It turns out 5k pace is pretty easy to hold when all you have is 800 meters. Kid gets dropped big time. I can even see Jen Lybrand up ahead, so clearly I’m coming in a bit faster than my 23 minute projected time.  I told Tracy at the start that I would try and throw down a good blue shoe kick for the finish line pics, so with about 200 meters left I pretty much empty the tank. With all the extra energy and the downhill finish, it turns into a scary albino runaway freight train . The Garmin shows mid 4 minute pace for the last stretch, where I unceremoniously, and completely unnecessarily, wickedly blue shoed a guy about 10 meters from the finish. And completely eclipsed him in the finish line photos. Sorry, Mr. Glenn Robinette, take solace in knowing that at least I’m aware of being a complete jackass. Crossed in 21:27.  What kills me is that my age group, without Code, Angel, Steven Johnson or Gomez on board, is super weak this year and mid 20 would have scored me a trophy. Damn you, sinuses.

There’s nothing I can do..total eclipse of the Glenn. CWD 2014

The top three of this race was all-beast. Spartanburg’s Adam Fruedenthal  took home the win in 14:47, though missed out on the time bounties. If only I had been healthy to challenge him.  Graham Tribble, who I remember won my inaugural CWD in 2008, placed second in 15:20, with Eric Ashton taking 3rd in 16 flat.  New Columbian and first year CRC member Shawanna White rocked the women’s field with an 18:17, edging out Brooke Grice for the win. SR’s Kenzie Riddle placed third.

Age group honor roll: Brady “mini Diesel” Ward won 3rd in a tough 2-10 category. Dutch Fork’s Anna Jenkins, who brutally blue shoed me at Run Red Bank, won the 11-13 by a mere 7 minutes. Parker Roof placed second in the 14-16, while Brittany Robbins took 3rd in the female division. Dutch Fork claimed more glory with Anna Johnson’s 2nd in the 17-19. Eddie Lopez took 2nd in the 20-24, just missing out on a sub 17.  Jen Lybrand capped off a huge 2014 for her with another 1st in AG in the 25-29 and winning the overall Palmetto Grand Prix. Calhoun Hipp has apparently turned into a total beast since moving from Columbia, winning the 30-34 in 17:45. Jason Dimery placed third. Drew Williams claimed 2nd in the 35-39. EA’s Heather Costello and SR’s MC Cox went 1-2 in the women’s 35-39. Strictly’s Shannon Iriel and Linn Hall took top two in the 40-44, while Jeff Godby and Coke Mann did the same among the men. Matt Buffum took 2nd in the 45-49, with Glenn Robinette stepping out of my shadow and claiming 3rd. Sarah Allers, Chantal Faure and Lisa King swept a very competitive 50-54.  Phil Togneri placed 2nd in the men’s division. CRC swept the 55-59 men, with Geary McAlister, Pete O’Boyle and Larry Bates taking home the glory.  Carol Wallace, Alsena Edwards and Lisa Smarr won among the women in another tough division. Rob Kriegshaber and Harry Strick went 1-2 in the 60-64, while Lynn Grimes easily won the women’s division. Ageless Albert Anderson and Brigitte Smith claimed the 65-69, while Arnold Floyd took the 70-74 by only 18 minutes. Henry Holt and Jesse Smarr were champs of the 75-79.

http://www.strictlyrunning.com/results/14cwd.txt

http://connect.garmin.com/activity/658206999

Oh, the double dip. I mean if youre going to be all obsessed and race every week you might as well go all out, right? While I wouldnt recommend it for your average road racer (i.e. someone who values sound decision making and adequate rest) , the double dip is perfect for the advanced level trophy hunter.

The first step is actually finding two races that are physically possible to make it to the start line of both without finding a wormhole in the space-time continuum. You would think that a relatively small city like Columbia wouldn’t give you many opportunities for this, but with multiple races every weekend in the spring and fall, its more common than you think. Preparation is also key – if its going to be a time crunch, early packet pickup is crucial on the second race. Parking your car in a getaway position at the first race is another consideration. Timing of portapotty hits, warmups and mental strength are also variables which come into play. It is not for the faint of heart.  But I have apprenticed under the wing of double dip veterans like John Gasque, Pete Poore, and William Schmitz, and they have taught me well.

This tutelage culminated in my senior thesis: the March for Meals/Colorectal 5k/Race Judicata triple dip in March 2013. Three races, three age group wins, 35 Tour de Columbia AG points and 17 open points. Oh and we mustn’t forget the epic shaming of the Trophy in the third race. Victory has rarely been sweeter.

But this double dip is pretty easy. Sure the Shandon Turkey Trot is an 8k, but its about as flat as downtown Columbia races come. The Runway Run is a 5k , two hours later and completely level.

Shandon has historically been one of my favorites. Certainly not for its course – while its flat, it is one of those cursed two loopers that cruelly brings you by the finish area when you are only half  done. No, it is because it has actual, honest to God trophies. Big ridiculous turkey ones…even for age groupers. Awesome.

Unfortunately there is usually some pretty tough competition for the golden turkeys, and in the past Code, Angel, Phil Midden, Drew Williams and other random superfit soccer dads have shown up to steal my precious. But this year was looking up. When I got to the race, there were none of the usual 35-39 suspects except for Ken “The Pale Beast” Vowles.  Time for yet another albino showdown I guess. Although I still savor the holy grail of the Resurrection 5k overall win over him, the Beast gave me such an epic beatdown at Race to Read that it  still gives me nightmares. He remains my sole rival that can beat me at my own game: the Blue Shoe kick.

Omar Sharif was the one elite level guy I saw at the start, but Strictly also brought in Shannon “Decent” Iriel, Jeff “The Pose” Godby and Luke “The Stache” Godwin as some worthy Blue Shoe level competition. Kenzie Riddle was also there to claim the women’s win.  Parker and Joe Roof, Colleen “Ms. Beast” Vowles, Beau Long, Ponamarev, Gasque, Henry Holt, John Zemp and Wes and Rhea Spratt were some familiar faces. Laurie Royson was on hand to cheer on her son Cotes in the 4k.

I did about a mile warmup with the Beast but I was afraid to do too many miles with the double dip. My strategy was to try to aim for 6:20’s similar to last weekend’s 5 miler. The start separated out the top end almost immediately. Omar and Parker blasted out to the front with Kenzie right behind. Shannon went out fast too just in front of me. For the first mile, it was weird to actually have a pack to run in. I tucked in behind the Beast, Luke, Godby and some other guy. Just as we approached the mile mark myself and Vowles separated a bit and he hit the split at about 6:27, right where I wanted to be. Although the course is pretty flat, mile 2 had the only major inclines. One thing was sure, this week was going to suck a lot worse than last. Legs felt like crap. Vowles was on me like white on rice. This was going to be brutal. Mile 2 faded to 6:41 and still felt like death despite being at the same pace as most of Savannah’s half. I tried to pick it up some but legs refused to respond.  What’s worse is that “other guy” from our mile 1 pack was almost literally breathing down my neck, using my Sasquatchian physique as a convenient wind shield.  By the finish area, I could see we were way over pace, like 16:20 for the first lap. I really wanted to bail out to the 4k, but I’d never hear the end of it if I “won” that race. The second lap at least got me over the psychological hurdle of the two looper. Mile 3 was in 6:37.  By this time “other guy” had faded and it was me and Vowles running stride for stride. Shannon was still ahead from the start but I could sense our gap slowly shrinking in the 4th mile, especially when we hit the inclines near the Prospect street turnaround. I knew I was in trouble. For one, the pace had picked up some and damned if the Beast wasn’t right at my side. I know I have to break his spirit early or kick it in from way out to hold him off, and neither seemed to be happening. Right around the mile 4 mark I tried to throw in a surge and I passed Shannon (it should be noted she is just 2 weeks out from a 3:11 marathon). Ooh, maybe I’ve finally lost my shadow?? Not a chance. Just when it started to get a little quiet here comes Vowles panting like an elephant in full stampede mode. We both start ramping it up from there, at least .75 to the finish. I feel like the sweet release of death would be nice at this point but my maniacal competitive streak will not let me back away.  You can see the finish from way out on a long straightaway and we are just flying down the home stretch. Just when I think its going to be a photo finish, Vowles finds another gear two blocks out and leaves me in the dust. I try to respond , but the legs and lungs have had enough. I cross the finish in 32:18, 6th overall and 2nd in AG. Not my best race, but glad I was able to push it to the finish. Last 0.96 was in 6:11 pace so at least I made the Beast earn his victory.

Omar crushed the field in 28:06 to take the easy win while Parker Roof also broke 30 to take second. Kenzie took the women’s win in 30 and change with Shannon and Christie Martin placing 2nd and 3rd. Theo Kuhler, a 16 year old kid, placed third male. Luke Godwin placed 3rd in our age group and 9th overall, proving the 35-39 is always stacked. Godby finished a few seconds behind him to take the 40-44.  Other age groupers included Matthew Pollard taking the 25-2 and Carly Jackson winnin gth e 30-34. Colleen placed 2nd behind Shannon in the 40-44 since they didnt take out 2nd or 3rd overalls. Beau Long placed third in the male 40-44. Joe Roof was tops in the 50-54. Wes Spratt placed third in the 55-59 despite being ruthlessly turkeyed by “Thom Gobbler” (,aka Shawn Chillag) who took home 1st in the 60-64 in full costume. Henry Holt won the 70-98 in sub 10 minute pace at age 79.

I had to leave of course before the award ceremony. Sources confirm they only had medals this year, which crushes me. You know I love my golden turkey. Other sources confirm that Strictly will likely be taking over the race next year, so hopefuly they can resurrect my favorite gilded bird.

http://www.strictlyrunning.com/RESULTS/14SHANDONTURKEY.TXT

Nothing like crushing out the last mile of a 8k and having to think about racing a 5k in less than 2 hours, but that was the task ahead of me. Plenty of time to get to the airport. Legs feel trashed but less sore than they have on other double dips. I already had my packet from early pickup so I was good to go soon as I got there. I did a quick mile or so warmup with James Hicks. Felt good to flush out the lactic acid bath I had just given my legs a half hour before. The Runway Run is in its fifth year and this is supposed to be the last year of the event. Not sure why, since the race has exploded to over 600 runners a year now. Must be something with airport operations, though CAE is hardly O’Hare.

Since they offer a free airline ticket as the top prize, the big dawgs will come out for this. Three time champ Eric Ashton showed up along with fellow elites Ricky Flynn, Jud Brooker and Justin Bishop. Several hundred people on the runway made it hard to scope out the crowd but I saw Linn Hall, Geary McAlister, Birgit Spann, Ilia Owens, Makenzie Wilson, Drew Williams, Tracy Tisdale-Williams, and Ian Clawson. This was also the target race for the Run for God program, so Jeanna Moffett and Bill Haselden led a huge group from Riverland Hills.

I’m not sure what happened to the start of this race. I was back in the middle of the pack taking pictures and had just put my phone away when I hear a GO, and the whole crowd stampedes. I didnt hear an intro or anything. Suddenly I’m weaving through hundreds of people in a total free-for-all towards the open runway. The sudden break into race pace isn’t doing the double dipped legs any favors, but it actually feels easier on the lungs. I guess I already blew them out in race #1. I find a seam on the outer edge and find my way up through the mob, first seeking out Birgit then just trying to find around a 20 minute 5k pace. The wind is always critical at Runway and this time its smacking you in the face the whole way out.  I hit mile 1 in 6:28 – not too bad considering the hundreds of people I had to dodge to get there. Shortly after the mile mark the course turns, forms a track like loop, then folds back towards the finish. Right near the loop I spot Drew Williams, who appears to be inexpicably just cruising along. Then I realize he is pacing Ian. Hopefully, one less age grouper to worry about, though Ian is getting faster by the day so I didnt know for sure. Must be nice to be young. All of a sudden I spot Micah Simonsen to my left and he is motoring along at a good clip. The break in the wind and the turnaround has me feeling better so I ramp up the pace some in hopes of holding Micah off. Suddenly I’m all alone for awhile as I pass mile 2 in 6:20. Strangely, I now feel the best that I’ve felt for the whole double dip. The wind is no longer a factor, I’m headed home, and I see a strange pack up ahead to try and track down. Its Linn and two other small women right next to her with Geary McAlister, a whole head taller than the rest of them, right behind. I’ve suddenly locked into some zone and everything seems to be flowing easier. I’m going way faster than before but have no idea what my pace is.  I finally catch the pack with a little less than a half mile to go . I thought Linn was battling it out for first so I tried to encourage her to follow me to the finish. The guy ahead has led us way out on a wide turn when I know in years past you could take the inside track near the grass. I dont want to get DQ’d so I follow. By the time I can make out the finish I’ve been redlining it for a while and its getting rough quickly. But seeing red numbers apparently causes enough of an adrenaline spike to keep me going. I’m surprised to see 19:30 on the clock and I sprint it out as hard as I can to the finish, crossing in 19:49. I’m shocked to learn this is good enough for 1st in AG and 8th overall. I had no idea since the chaos of the start gave me no sense of who was still ahead. Last mile of 6:05 certainly helped get me under 20, though our wide turn made the course 3.17 miles.

In the overall, Ricky Flynn cruised to the win in 15:17, with Jud Brooker not toof ar behind in 15:48. Eric finished third in 16 flat. Justin posted one of his best times of the year with a 16:29 to take 4th. Alyssa Bloomquist, running for Eric’s new racing team, crushed the women’s field in 18:01. Linn’s pack was a race for second actually, and looking at video shows I was awfully close to getting chicked by Kaci Handlery. All three of them broke 20 minutes, with Linn finishing 1st in female masters. Geary was just a few seconds behind in 20:05, taking first in male masters (watch out Geary someone turns 40 in 3 months). Birgit took 2nd in female masters in 20:42.

Ian made mom and stepdad proud with 1st in the 11-14 and a new PR 21:19. Alex Wilcox was the guy ahead of me at the end, though I had no idea with all the oxygen deprivation going on. Micah took 2nd in my AG with Drew still getting third even on pacing duty. John Ramage of RUI placed 2nd in the 55-59, while Harry Strick took 3rd in his new 60-64 age group. Ageless Albert Anderson took 1st in the 65-69 in 21:52, which is surely an 80+% age grade performance. Impressive.

http://racesonline.com/events/runway-run-5k/results/2014

The Spring Valley Presbyterian Church 5 and 5 is a small race that actually has been around for 22 years – it was previously known as the Bizarre Bazaar 5k and was tied to the fall festival (“the bizarre bazaar”) put on by the church. They’ve now separated the event and added a 5 miler, hence the 5 and 5.

Last year was a bit of a nightmare, as the top 8 5kers, including myself, got sent off course and ended up running just a little over 2 miles. Even though I was still recovering from my injuries last year, I don’t think I’ll be able to touch my 13:20 “5k” PR set at this race in 2013. Jennifer Lybrand and a couple of the 5 milers also ended up taking a tour of northeast Columbia and ended up all over the place. However, this turn of events led to what has to be the most mind boggling trophy hunt of all time: Wes Spratt winning a 5k. That’s like me winning the Kona Ironman. The apocalypse is surely upon us.

But with Gov  Cup just a week beforehand, and the course just 5 minutes from my house, this is a trophy hunt I couldn’t turn down.  Blue Shoes trophy hunt rules dictate running the “undercard” race if there are two offered. However, since i knew the 5k to be more established, I figured I’d jump into the 5 miler and try to get an overall win. Brandenburg usually does the 5k at this race, and sadly, he can probably still whoop my tail even at his advanced age.

I get there my customary hour early and it is just balls out cold. For whatever reason, November this year has played out like January, and I’m shivering even in my warmups.  I did 2 miles with the Pale Beast, who fortunately was doing the 5k.  Kenneth comes with us and announces he is doing the 5 miler with me. He just ran sub 17 at the high school state CC champs last week.  Trophy hunt has officially been flushed.  Damn these meddling kids!

Jennifer Lybrand, John Gasque, Andy Mikula, Alex Ponamarev, Peter Mugglestone and Tommy/Cheryl/Gizmo Outlaw are some of the few familiar faces in what is a pretty small crowd. Jeff, Barb and son Clayton fill out a formidable Team Brandenburg contingent.  The Spring Valley CC team fielded quite a few in the 5k, thus scuttling what I’m sure was also a trophy attempt by the Beast. When they lined people up for the start, only myself, Jen, Barb, Mikula and Kenneth knew about the different 5 miler start area, so we thought it was a 5 person race initially. Fortunately about 20 or so ended up coming back to us after the brief intro announcements at the 5k start.

With the start,  Kenneth takes off like a bat out of hell and I actually try to give chase for a while.  The 5k starts simultaneously about 50 meters ahead of us so we hit the back of the 5k pack almost instantly.  Fortunately my tailback moves are sharp from last week’s Savannah mass start and some of the 5k walkers avoid getting run over by a crazed Albino Sasquatch. A quick turn left and Kenneth leaves me for dead. Up ahead I can see the Pale Beast locked in an epic battle with Brandenburg…and his dog. Wolfgang the weimeraner trains with JB in Sesqui all the time and does coyote and deer chasing  intervals, and can apparently rock out a 5k as well.

I take a right onto Valhalla and push up a hill, where the female 5k leader is not taking too kindly to being chased down by a rabid grizzly. I pass her at the top of the hill and then plunge down into Hogans Run, which does a small loop before coming back to Valhalla. Mile 1 pops up on my Garmin a bit ahead of the mile marker at 6:23, about what I had planned. The first nasty hill is just afterward, running up across Valhalla again and onto Viking Dr (Yes, for some reason the Woodlands has a combo Nordic-Golf theme to their streets). I can still see both Vowleses, Brandenburg and Wolfgang up ahead. Kenneth has already blown past the 5k group. I track down a straggling Spring Valley kid just to inflate my already oversized ego, and suddenly the courses split in front of the country club. I’ll hand it to the race organizers – they made sure no one went off track this time. Each turn is decked out with volunteers, signage and painted arrows. That’s how its done.

Once the course splits and I realize the downside of a tiny race trophy hunt. Pale Beast, Jr. has entered another zip code and is nowhere in sight. On the other side, I must have a minute or two on Jen and Mikula. Read: I am completely alone. I come crashing down a huge hill on Wotan and my Garmin chirps back the 6:33 surprisingly loud, because there is complete silence. The split isnt too bad considering the roller coaster of hills on that mile, but I still try to ramp it up some. But between the quiet and no one to chase, I keep fading into mental lapses. It gets tough to maintain pace when I keep fading into designing my Clash of Clans base, tolerating the cub scouts camping trip or thinking about how bad that 21 miler is going to suck tomorrow. I hit a 6:27 3rd mile and take a turn from Valhalla to Valkrie. There they have a cheering outpost that is hilarious. They were just milling around until someone spots my Sasquatch ass lumbering towards them. All of a sudden Sandstorm starts blasting out of the loudspeakers and they start screaming like the girls of Wellesley at Boston. You’d think Meb was running through.  I try and play to my newfound fame but the second I leave the area I hear the soundsystem cut off and complete silence again. I dont hear it again so I know I’ve got a comfortable lead on #3.  Right after Sandstorm is a nasty slog up a two tiered hill. I had been running pretty smoothly but these mountains deliver a 1-2 punch to my lungs. Strangely my Palmetto 200 teammate David Mcneice is camped out on one of the turns and it takes me a couple of seconds to realize he’s not a hallucination. I hit mile 4 just over the top of the mountains in 6:27, so still on pace. I give myself a quarter mile to restore the whole oxygen exchange problem with the hill climbing and start kicking it in. Back on to Valhalla then a long stretch to Sparkleberry rd. I am going close to all out though its tough to gauge my pace since I’m now merging back in with the 30 minute 5kers, most of whom appear scared to death of the elephant stampede they hear behind them.  Just as I round the last turn my Garmin spits out the mile 5 split (6:14). Wait a second… that’s supposed to happen at the finish line. I had hoped to sub 32 this race but I by the time I make out the clock its already flipped over to 32:04. One last blue shoe kick blast and I cross the mat with two 5kers who are probably fearing for their lives from this strange albino freight train coming through. 32:26.  5.08 miles. 2nd overall.

I’ll take it. I think it actually equates to my 8k and 5 mile PRs by my Garmin, and the 6:23 overall pace would get me my first sub 40 10k if I could hold it for another mile. Justin’s 55 mile Kiawah training weeks are definitely paying off.

Kenneth blazed the course in 29:30 for first place, robbing me of my trophy but at least not teasing me with any hope of beating him. Jennifer Lybrand raced smart this time and I believe captured a 5 mile PR in the process, running 35:18 and 1st overall female. Andy Mikula ran 36:09 and took 3rd male while Barbara Brandenburg took 2nd female in 39:33. Notable finishers (everyone placed in their age groups) included CRC’s Peter Mugglestone and Tommy Outlaw, Running under the Influence’s Alfred Baquiran, and USC School of Medicine fellow alum Cedric Rivers.

In the 5k, the Spring Valley team swept the overall with Ben Garrett, Jacob Malodow and JB’s son Clayton Brandenburg. Sadly the Pale Beast was taken down by an actual beast as weimeraner Wolfgang smoked him with a vicious 4 legged kick. Human companion Jeff Brandenburg also edged out Ken by 3 seconds. Oh, the shame. Sara Bonner took the women’s win in 21 minutes and change. She is still recovering from getting Sasquatched. John Gasque, Cheryl Outlaw and Alex Ponamarev all took home age group wins.

http://connect.garmin.com/activity/634552292

http://www.strictlyrunning.com/RESULTS/14BIZARRE.TXT

OK… Let’s try this again.

That’s what I told myself back in April when I convinced myself to head back to Savannah for the Rock and Roll Half marathon.  There was a big group going down from Columbia, many inspired by Team Trust – the group assembled in honor of Jake Zeman, the Columbia runner who died near the finish line last year.  The course is super flat, the weather is usually ideal, and the town is beautiful. What’s there not to like?

Well, the only problem was that was my same thought process in 2013. I was in my peak running shape, all signed up for the full marathon, and ready to make my run at Boston 2015.

And then Hawaii happened. Control-Alt-Delete.

As it turns out, wrecking most of your body and missing 3 months of running is not on most marathon training plans. But I did make it a point, that, hell or high water,  I was going to make it down there. I ended up backing down to the half and pacing Ashley to a sub 2 hour time. I’d like to say I did that with ease, but having only hobbled a few 6 milers before the race, that 1:56 was no picnic.  I thought I might have lost her at the end, but she epically blue shoed me right before the finish line. I was so proud.

I really didn’t know when, or if, I would be able to tackle long distance again after that race. The gimp toe just didn’t like it. I was able to slowly build back some miles over the next few months,  feeling like I was clearing up the wreckage from some disaster. My legs had turned into mush, I had put on some pounds, my cardio had gone to crap. My pure sprint speed, always my strength, just wasn’t the same with mr. mcgimpy toe.

But somehow things got a little better this spring and I started getting faster. It peaked with my ridiculous win in the Resurrection Run, and I think the grandiose glow of this accomplishment led to me throwing my hat back in the ring for a fall marathon. This time it would be Kiawah, with the Savannah Half as a training test about a month out.  I hit Justin’s Team Utopia South training program with a vengeance. It was, and is, brutal. I’ve been putting in 50-60 mile weeks and feeling tired a good part of the time. I was training right through races so I had accumulated some confidence –deflating results, especially Ray Tanner.

I was actually giving myself 2 whole days off before Savannah this year. It felt like an eternity. The Code called me the day before and said Shannon and Joyce had two spots open in their condo, so I quickly dumped our crazy expensive $330 a night hotel (this is typical for marathon weekend in Savannah) and shacked up with them. Code said he would take the couch when we got there, but the queen Tempur-Pedic was too much to turn down. Now I have Joyce’s “snuggle bunnies” photo that will probably follow me around as long as my “tri fail” pic.  According to my wife, though, I made the right choice in sleeping arrangements. Friday night we participated in Shannon’s pre-race pizza ritual with Jeff and Andrea Godby at Vinnie Van Go-Go’s, which was amazing. That led to me participating in my pre-pizza ritual, consuming large quantities of beer. I hoped that decision wouldn’t come back to bite me.

Race morning was pretty much perfect. Temps in the 40’s. Not much wind.  Shannon left early since she was doing the marathon and had to find Jeff, who was acting as her first half pacer. I had planned to do a two mile warm up with Joyce and the Code but ended up doing portapotty intervals with all my aggressive rehydration from the previous night’s beerapalooza.  Code and myself made our way to corral 1 and found Scott Flicker, who was doing the full in a BQ attempt. I felt good but my races in the past month had me with pretty low confidence. I figured I could target the 6:54 pace needed for a 1:30 and see what happened. My PR was set at the Charleston Half way back in 2012, 1:30:22. The sub 1:30 had been one of my goals to break before I decided to break my leg instead last year.

The start was pretty insane.  There were like 17,000 people in this race but luckily we were separated by pace in corrals. I had thought corral 1 would be fast but there must have been a lot of people with grandiose streaks, because this mob scene was shuffling like a herd of cattle. It took about 25 seconds for me even to reach the start mat. The whole first mile I was in full tailback mode, trying to find any crease or seam I could. Code apparently has better running back skills than me because he was leaving me for dead right off the bat. So much for his “marathon pace” tempo run he was blabbing about. Of course knowing Code, I knew this was complete crap.  I caught up with Shannon and Jeff about a half mile in and wished her good luck, completely ignoring Godby who was feeling all hurt. And I thought I was the attention whore.  The first mile has the only real hill on the whole course – a trip up a highway overpass. With the hill and all the dodging, I thought for sure I was at 7:30 or something. Surprisingly, my Garmin spit out a 6:54. Right on target.

The next few miles are a lovely tour of Savannah’s finest pawn shop and title loan neighborhoods. Not the most scenic, to be sure, though I do admit the residents were out in force and vocal. Much better than some off the stuffy historic districts. My legs were good and warmed up by now and everything felt completely different than my last few races.  Like I had energy, like my legs weren’t  cinder blocks. Psychologically I was still in full Debbie Downer mode – surely this wouldn’t last, there’s so long to go, blah blah blah. I decided to try and block it into race distances I was familiar with, so I started with the 5k. Miles 2 and 3 were high 6:40’s and I crossed the 5k mark at a little over 21 minutes.  I was pretty astounded by this – my worst 5k this year was around 20:40 so this was blazing for a half.  I was cautiously optimistic, but far from getting too excited – still 10 miles to go. The slog back to the historic section was often right into the sun so I kind of drifted into a zone at this point.  I had settled into a nice pace and clicked off a few high 6:40’s. I was banking a few seconds against the 1:30 so this would be good later on when I was sure to fade some.

I woke up some when we entered the heart of the historic section just as the 10k point was approaching. I was still feeling pretty good, maybe a little fatigue. I hadn’t trained with GU at all this year, but for some reason I brought my old espresso love gel  this time.  Just before mile 6 I took the gel and realized how much I hate GU. It did seem to give me  a little boost though, plus the crowd support is great right around the relay zone (theres a marathon relay in addition to the half and full) . The 10k was just over 42 minutes by the main clock. Subtract 25 seconds or so and I had just run my fastest 10k since Cooper River right before Hawaii.

Instead of making me more confident, I was actually more afraid that this was going to lead to an epic bonk. The Debbie is quite strong with me.  I purposely slowed a touch and hit mile 7 in 6:55. Ruh roh, here it comes.  But at some point I realized that the fade just wasn’t happening. My legs felt strong. The course was flat. The weather, perfect. GO FOR IT. 10k to go.

With that I took off.  I started catching people. First slowly,  then in big groups. What was once a huge crowd now thinned to a group like a local 5k. One guy didn’t take too kindly to getting passed and told me to “go get those 5 more miles”.  I took this moment of douchery and used it to reel off a few  6:40’s, making sure to drop that dude good. When I reached mile 10, I got the first twinge of euphoria that this was really going to happen. Not only was I a good minute under 1:30 pace on the big clock, but I knew I had another 20+ seconds on top of that. I figured about a 22:30 5k would get me my goal.  I took my first tentative step inside the pain cave and decided to kick it up a notch. Mile 11, 6:31. I was starting to suck some wind, but I was completely jacked up on adrenaline. The crowd was getting more and more sparse.  After passing hundreds of people I finally got blue shoed myself by some super lean bearded guy in a singlet, but then realized he was doing the marathon. No one else had my Sasquatchian physique around me, so I knew was blazing it.  Just after 11.5 is the split from the marathon course and it’s a straight shot to home, except for the last curve right at the finish. There were a few soft inclines and I actually faded a touch to 6:40 again in mile 12. But as I passed the last mile marker, I saw a familiar gait in the distance. THE CODE. By this time there was some hurting going on, but the euphoria of the impending finish was incredible. I kept gaining on Code the whole way in. I knew at some point I couldn’t catch him, but I was at least going to make it close.  The finish is a turn into a tunnel of people and noise and I was in full blue shoe kick by this point. I saw Code cross the line and looked up to see low 1:28. I sprinted it out on pure adrenaline and probably scared half the spectators with an Incredible Hulk yell at the line. 1:28:40’s by the big clock. 1:28:29 official time /6:44 pace.  Ho-ly crap.  PR by almost 2 minutes and 70^th out of 10,000+.  To say I was a little excited would be the understatement of the year.

Soon after I saw Jeff finish and we realized Shannon was absolutely crushing it. She was on 3:10/11 pace through the half. I had brought my phone in my spibelt fanny pack like my usual dork self, but it was nice to be able to track people live. Joyce came blazing in way ahead of schedule and I barely got a pic of her finish. She got a 1:40 and a big PR, which even qualified her for the super strict New York Marathon automatic qualification standards. We hurried back to the condo to change but was way bummed when we just missed Shannon’s finish. She crushed a 3:11, not only a BQ by over a half hour, not only first masters, but 4^th overall. Incredible. Scott Flicker came in 2 minutes later and punched his ticket to Boston 2016. Other Columbia area finishers included Betsy Long, Katharina Vorhauer, Winston Holiday, Julie “Flashbang” Bitzel, Sydney Frontz and Brad Marlow.

http://running.competitor.com/cgiresults?eiId=59&eId=45

The Ray Tanner Home Run 5k/12k is only in its 9th year, but has become one of the focal points of the road racing year, perennially drawing just about everyone who runs in Columbia. Its put on by Ken Lowden and his huge group of volunteers, so its always a well done race. Plus the course is one of the best in the Midlands – a two bridge route over the Congaree river and a finish at the home plate of Carolina Stadium.

That’s all well and nice, but the event has been a thorn in the side of my road racing career.  Of all the races I’ve done, it remains the only one that I have no bling to show for it. Not one trophy, medal or shiny trinket. Not even an age group placement. Nada.

The primary reason for this is my determination to get the bling in the 12k. There is a 5k, and my primary trophy hunting rule is to always go with the undercard, but I’ve come so close in the 12 so many times that I keep going for it. And keep losing. I’m the Susan Lucci of the Ray Tanner Home Run.

One main reason – Superfit Soccer Dads. These guys stealth train and never race, remaining completely unknown until they show up and kick my ass at Ray Tanner. And they are always 35-39. Perhaps the most crushing was my course record 49:10/6:36 pace in 2012, which got me all of 23rd overall and eighth in age group. Eighth. One of my best races ever and I wasn’t even close. Damn them.

This year was looking up though. The Code was wussing out and not racing.  The Yerg was chasing Boston at the Steamtown marathon. And I didnt see habitual Blue Shoe beatdowners Angel Manuel and Steven Johnson on the stalker list (the Ray Tanner website had a participation list).  Even the Pale Beast was doing the 5k. The age group was looking good. Maybe, just maybe,  this was the year.

I showed up my typical hour in advance, looking ridiculous again in my black TUS singlet, alabaster guns ablazing. No one ever said I raced pretty.  Shirley and Sandy even ragged me for not combing my hair. Ugly is my trademark. Trophy showed up a little while later and started complaining about the weather, and with good reason. The weather sucked. Perfect if you wanted to hang out for a backyard barbeque. Not so good if you wanted to race 7.4 miles. Just ridiculously warm and humid for October. In the 70’s and 80 percent humidity, easy. My grandiose goal of breaking my course record wasn’t looking good. I did the first mini loop of the 12k course and realized quickly this was probably going to suck. I was soaked like it was late July and it didn’t help the legs were complaining about another 50 mile marathon training week. Was it too late to go switch to the 5k?

Everyone and their mom showed up for this one as usual. I thought Eric Ashton and Tim Jeffreys would have a showdown for the win. Justin was doing a marathon pace run but that would probably still place him pretty high. Plexico was also there to ramp up the  local elite factor. The women’s race was decidedly less stacked – I didnt see any of the elite ladies from Charlotte, but Erin Miller and Linn Hall were there from the SR racing team to make it competitive. Shannon must have been pulling the wuss card with Code and Joyce. There was a rare Larry Jourdain racing appearance. David He was back in training and racing again. No surprise to see Flicker, Howie, Ty, Brad Marlow, Larry Bates and Burgess. Jennifer Lybrand was there a week after her ultra (you might have heard about it on facebook 😉 ). Colleen “Mrs. Beast” Vowles  and Birgit Spann were on hand to race Jennifer. Charley Clements, Michael and Kate Ferlauto, Sarah Blackwell, Lisa King, Bill Haselden, the Robertsons, Bill Iskrzak, Pam Inman, James Hicks, Arnold Floyd., Henry Holt,  Scott Marr, Peter Mugglestone, Cait Costello, Tommy Outlaw, Greta Dobe, Joe Robinson, Jennifer Reeves,  Mike and Pam Griffin, Wes Spratt, Mr and Mrs Diesel, Lisa and Jesse Smarr were some familiar faces.  Mike Jensen,  Mike Compton, Ashley Horton, Chris Fawver, Tracy Meyers, Carol Wallace, Sheila Subbarao and Kana Rahman were there to represent the black and gold ( or not (cough) Ashley (cough)). And this was just the 12k.

This pic is already giving me nightmares

I didnt see most of the 5kers since they start 30 minutes later, but the Beast, Jason Dimery, Meme Spurgeon, Eric McMichael,  Brian and Jennifer Clyburn, Brady Ward, Sarah and Eric Allers, Jeff Smith, Luci Velicu, Debbie McCauley Meg Weis, Daniel Patrick, Jonathan King, Pete Poore, John Gasque,  Rocky Soderberg, Tom and Lisa Hart and Jonathan Burrows were there. Apparently Ted Hewitt was there but he must have gone totally stealth.

After an intro by Ken Lowden and the Tanners, and a prayer from Jim Manning, we were off. First mile is a flat, track like loop taking you around a few blocks and right back to the start line again. I’ve told people time and time again not to go out too fast on this loop – you hit the start area again and there’s like 1000 people screaming, so of course there’s a tendency to speed up. I try to stay in control, but I think the oversized melon is seized with grandiosity and tells the legs to blast through the whole area alongside the stadium. It doesn’t help that Linn Hall has latched on the Blue Shoes express and is shadowing me step for step.

mid Rick Flair-esque wooooo!

Can’t let her get in front of my posturing for pictures. Mile 1 is hit right around the corner from the stadium after the loop. I figure aiming for about 6:42 (50 minute pace) would be a good start. I let out the first F bomb of the day as soon as I hear my Garmin beep and give me the split. 6:16. That’s a decent split for me…for a 5k. I thought I was doing OK despite the ridiculous first mile, but directly after the mile marker is the long slog up the Blossom Street railroad bridge into the Greek Village/Colonial Center area. The sun started beating down in my face and I wanted to crawl in the fetal position and cry. Wind suckage commenced. Howie started leaving me for dead and Linn took the lead on me. Luckily the course flattened out in the Greek Village and gave me some time to recover. I scared the hell out of some early rising (or perhaps still awake) sorority girls who had never seen an Albino Sasquatch. Sorry Tri Delts. A long straightaway to the Colonial Center, and Flicker gives me the beatdown just as we turn up the Green St hill for a mini loop before turning back. Linn is starting to gap me but I’m keeping her in sight. Mile 2 comes back in 6:52. Um , yeah, just a touch slower.

Mile 3 is a trip back down the straightaway and back over the railroad bridge. By this time I realize that I have really shot myself in the foot with mile 1, because I feel like death. It hurts me deep inside to think about the hills to come. Somehow I manage a 6:51 for mile 3 but the wheels feel awfully close to falling off. The cruel twist of the 12k is that you go right by the finish line (Carolina stadium) right at the mile 3 marker, and it takes every ounce of willpower not to just step off the course and walk on over. But there’s the Strictly photographer and MC Cox taking pics, so I cant let that shame be documented for posterity. So I soldier on over the Blossom Street bridge into Cayce in what feels like a snail’s pace.  To add to my sense of slowness, the 5k has begun and the leaders start to pass me. Two kids and Eric Allers blow by me like I’m standing still. Oh God, please let me make it to B avenue (the 5k/12k split off) before the Pale Beast catches me. By the time we reach the State street turn I notice I’ve reeled in Linn just a bit. Even though I’ve already accumulated an oxygen debt I cant afford to pay, a little bit of race adrenaline goes a long way with my overblown ego. But as I near the notorious B avenue mountain, my Garmin shows I’ve faded to 7 flat, and I start dropping more internal F bombs. What’s worse, some kid in racing spikes is in the 5k and is chasing me down with the most annoying click clack sound ever. I will not let him break me! Plus, I figure Vowles has got to be right behind him.

Somebody shoot me

Finally we reach the Inspiration station with the steel drum band and all of Ken’s friends volunteering. I try to use this energy and ramp it up to avoid getting Vowlesed and to attack the mountain of B avenue. B avenue is not super steep, just endless. It sucks jogging up the thing. Racing up it is pretty soul crushing. A quarter of the way up though I actually catch Linn, who is also dying a thousand deaths. She swears she will never chase me again. I swear I’ll never go out like Jennifer Lybrand on crack again. Surprisingly, my wind sucking has abated somewhat – probably the product of finally recovering from the start and also the heavy mileage volume of marathon training.  I feel a little better because of it, though its all relative since no one feels good climbing this monster. Less than halfway up Eric Ashton, Tim Jeffreys, Ryan Plexico and Justin come flying by on their way back down. But there’s hardly anyone after that, so I know there’s not too many people up ahead. Maybe, just maybe I can age group?

Few things are nicer in your road racing year than finally reaching the top of the B ave. mountain. Mile 5 at the top is 7:08 but its always way slower with the climb. Unfortunately I dont have much drive left in the legs to really crush the downhill like I’ve done in the past. It is nice to see everyone behind you on the way down. Even catching Diesel getting the walksies near the bottom. C’mon dude!

Legs feel like toast after jackhammering down the mountain, and it starting to feel like summer with all the heat. I scare Tenacious J’s daughter Sophie (running the 5k with dad Jeff)  by trying to yell some encouragement. Jeff tells me I’m not trying hard enough if I can yell, which is a good point. Apparently the lungs are enjoying the marathon training more than the legs.

The turn off of State street is kind of a nightmare because the 12k is now fully merged into the back of the pack 5kers, some of whom are walking like 4-5 people across. And we are crossing  the Gervais street bridge, with one lane of active traffic. So now I feel like a mega-douche for screaming at people to get out of the way on the far left, but its either that or I get run over by a truck. Plus there’s one stretch where literally the whole lane was blocked by walkers and a woman pushing a stroller right in front of me. I’m sure she and her child are having nightmares by now of being chased down by loud, panting polar bear, screaming ” ON YOUR LEFT!!!”

I can’t see most of the 12kers in front of me now, with the huge crowd of walkers, except for shirtless guy. I think he was one of the dudes that passed me early on, but he’s fading a bit. After the bridge is a nasty climb on Gist and Huger street, and you can stick a fork in me. Still, I can’t tell how old shirtless is, and maybe he’s one of the Superfit Soccer Dads. All of a sudden Rocky Soderberg, who’s doing the 5k, surges right next to me and tells me to take down Shirtless. Rocky runs about 9 min pace 5ks these days (at age 72) but he apparently can still harness some of that 1966 SEC mile champ speed (http://a.espncdn.com/photo/2014/0702/Men’s%20Indoor%20Track%20and%20Field%20Record%20Book.pdf) (See page 6). Oh jeez, I cant let Rocky down. But I’m in  world of pain by now and it would be so nice to just phone it in.  Plus, Shirtless is ramping up the pace as we near the finish.  Once you crest the Huger St hill, its all downhill to the finish. I hit mile 7 in 6:39 and try to muster a kick. I’m starting to give up on catching the guy but my ego will not have it. I start to draw within 10 meters or so as we hit the tunnel of the stadium. I hear Shirley announce my name on the stadium PA system and seeing the finish line sends me into an all out headless chicken. I blow by Shirtless right at third base and flop across the finish at home plate, in what is surely one of the ugliest finishes of all time, preserved by Milly Hough:

No one ever said I raced pretty. 50:34, 16th place. And……4th in age group. Trophy was more than glad to inform me of this fact. More painful was seeing that I would have placed in every single age group…except my own. Susan Lucci’d once again. Oh well. At least I was able to tell “Coach Rocky” that I did what I was told. It turns out Shirtless is named Matthew Pollard and is all of 28, so it never mattered anyway. Sorry for my douchery, Matthew.  You can take solace in the fact you look way better in your finish photo than that abomination in the foreground.

In the 12k, Eric Ashton smoked the field in 39:34/5:19 pace, nearly two minutes clear of the field. Incredible, especially at age 46. Tim Jeffreys and Ryan Plexico went 2-3.  Justin Bishop nailed his marathon pace at exactly 6 minutes and still finished 5th in what was essentially a tempo workout. I think I hate him, even if he is coaching me.   Erin Miller crushed the women’s field in just under 48 minutes, with Linn Hall taking second and Kristin Lowe third. No surprise to see Larry Jourdain and Howie Phan take male masters and grandmasters respectively, with Chantal Faure and Birgit Spann winning for the women.

In the 12k age groups, Alex Robertson won the 14-16. David He took the 25-29 over the guy in the background above. See, being eleven years older gets you squat. Jamey Wilson took second in the female 25-29, just ahead of Jen Lybrand taking third on tired legs. Bishop won his age group by 8 minutes in the 30-34. Phil Midden took second in my group in between Daniel Carter and David Taylor, neither of which I’ve ever seen before. Flicker said he was doing a marathon pace run and took first in the 40-44, but unless he’s going sub three he night have been racing a little. Colleen “Don’t call me Mrs. Beast and definitely don’t call me Vowels” Vowles won her age group by four minutes over Dorette Coetsee. Pam Inman won second in the 45-49, while Ty Thomas and Jeff Burgess went 2-3 on the men’s side. Brad Marlow went out for a jog and still won his age group, with Phil Togneri finishing 3rd. Lisa King and Tracy Meyers went 1-2 in the 50-54, while Larry Bates won the 55-59. Alsena Edwards and Carol Wallace went 1-2 on the women’s side. Lynn Grimes captured first in the 60-64 women, while Mike Compton finished second among the men. Bill Iskrzak and Peter Mugglestone finished 1st and 2nd in the 65-69. Brigitte Smith claimed 2nd in the women’s 65-69 while Arnold Floyd blew away the competition in the 70-74. Racing legends Henry Holt and Jesse Smarr claimed the 75+.

In the 5k, Greg Lowing from New Jersey won, ahead of locals Hunter Jarvis and Jason Dimery. Megan Weis claimed 3rd overall female behind Caroline Peyton and Heather Elliott. Team Allers cleaned up on the masters division, with Sarah and Eric both taking the win. Steve and Charlene Fink did the same in the grandmasters division.

Age groupers include: Tus’ Daniel Patrick winning the 25-29. The Pale Beast Ken Vowles took the 35-39 in 19:28, his second best time behind last week’s 19:10. Jen Clyburn won the 35-39, with Lucia Velicu second. Meme Spurgeon claimed 3rd in the 40-44 in a super competitive age group, Jennifer Conrick placed second. Lisa Hart placed second in the 45-49. Jonathan King took 2nd and Jeff Smith third in the 50-54. Rocky Soderberg took the 70+ by a mere 17 minutes.

http://connect.garmin.com/modern/activity/611228850

http://www.strictlyrunning.com/results/14raytanner.txt